Survivor of CPTSD - New to OOTS

[JWK]

I have "graduated" from therapy and have tried a local trauma recovery group.  I have read "Healing from Hidden Abuse", "Complex PTSD From Thriving to Surviving", and "Safe People" by Cloud and Townsend.  I am continuing to learn how to identify who my abusers were, and who potential abusers are.  I am also learning how to stop making excuses for, and excusing abusive behavior of my abusers.  And I'm learning how to create and maintain healthy boundaries.  It's good for me to acknowledge which people are unhealthy for me to be in relationship with.  Now, I am ready to develop healthy relationships.  I have very few healthy relationships.  I have a very loving and supportive wife, I have family members that understand and support me to varying degrees, and a friend that can relate and understand, but has his own issues to work out.  I do not have any friends that would be willing to understand, accept, and validate my condition that I can have healthy relationships with.  I do not want to waste my time, or have negative / unhealthy outcomes in developing relationships with people who have little or no interest in being authentic, genuine, and sincere.  It would be good for me to relate to people who know that it would be good for each other to have a healthy accountability within the relationship.  Has anyone had successful relationships along these lines?

[RiverRabbit]

Wow!... you are much further along than I...

Welcome to the sight.

[Three Roses]

Relationships mostly seem to come and go for me, except for a small core group of like-minded people. I have found that if I focus on myself and my own growth, I attract friendships that are nurturing. I also see that these relationships are with people who don't require a constant or steady level of attachment or interaction, as sometimes I am just not up to it. My friends understand this because they are the same way, needing to detach and regroup from time to time, so they understand when I'm feeling quiet/distant.

And of course I've made friends here, and I know they will support and understand when I'm quiet. The people here on this forum really "get" it.

[Libby183]

Hi and welcome to OOTS.

You sound as if you have really started your recovery journey. Well done.

I find friendships really difficult, but have improved a little since I began to really understand and accept myself. I have opened up to a few people and accepted support. One of them probably has CPTSD so I think this will be a challenge.

The friendship here is very good, though. I hope you find it to be so.

Libby.

[JWK]

Thank you very much for all the encouragement and welcoming!  Validation, respect, and understanding are key to my ability to establish healthy relationships, and this is a great start for me!

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi jwk
Welcome and thank you for sharing ..great topic and to hear your recovery so far ..
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'And I'm learning how to create and maintain healthy boundaries.  It's good for me to acknowledge which people are unhealthy for me to be in relationship with'
Great ...I'm learning this some more too ..as i grow in myself and development some more self empowerment and sense of who i am i am finding my radar is getting better ..

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'authentic, genuine, and sincere.  It would be good for me to relate to people who know that it would be good for each other to have a healthy accountability within the relationship'
A suggestion would be to find a friend that is doing their own personal healing  work and is committed to that ..such people all.hang out in meditation centres, healing retreats , self development groups etc ...of course i need to be cautious where ever i go and keep aware i am not getting myself into old patterns but with enough  awareness empathic friendships can be obtained..finding the good sensitive ones who want healthy intimacy and some fun

For me it is so important that i choose people who are pretty transparent and come with genuine sincere heart ... Boundaries are an area im learning how to better adapt and that they are flexible yet strong.
I mainly have friends in 12 step programmes and other spiritual communities apart from a long standing friend from my teens who is wise and very people orientated. I do find on the whole im more willing to talk about stuff and be open about being accountable but by the same token others do teach me how to be it rather than needing to have big heart to hearts ..
I have a good friend at the Mo and she has cptsd and we have both individually have  had a more difficult few months with it. I was able to say i needed time out your focus on myself and she seems to have accepted that and so we are both doing our own healing . i believe and trust we will come together when the time is right for us both .