encounters with a narc

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Blueberry

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encounters with a narc
« on: January 23, 2019, 01:33:47 PM »
I'm on this thread because I hope to be seen. I'm away from home and was doing fairly well but there's a woman here i have to deal with who is a narc.

 OMG. One of the types who butters everybody up but when you stop feeding the narc, she turns on you with her poison. I know one other person sort of sees through her.

She is going out of her way to make my life and particularly my work here harder. When confronted with it, she smiles sweetly and says she was only trying to help :blowup:. She isn't and she knows it :pissed: :pissed:. I lost my cool today and stuck up my middle finger at her. Now she knows she can get under my skin. I feel like hiding in bed. An EF. I'm leaving here in 48 hours so not that long to get through.

Thinking of you all is helping me get through. :hug:

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Three Roses

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Re: encounters with a narc
« Reply #1 on: January 23, 2019, 04:46:51 PM »
 :pissed: :pissed: That burns me up! Ugh! Sorry you're going through this.  :hug:

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Blueberry

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Re: encounters with a narc
« Reply #2 on: January 23, 2019, 05:35:23 PM »
Thanks 3R! :hug: I am feeling a bit better now. I noticed that she is now ignoring me, which is a relief. I also now remember that my T would say the important thing is I expressed my anger, I didn't swallow it down. It's not so terrible after all that I stuck up my middle finger - I was at a loss for words so a gesture had to do. She had it coming to her too. Lots more has gone on than what I wrote.

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Kizzie

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Re: encounters with a narc
« Reply #3 on: January 23, 2019, 05:59:56 PM »
Oh no BB, I am so sorry you have to deal with someone who has NPD on what is supposed to be a rejuvenating time for you  :pissed:   I too think giving her the finger may be just the thing you needed to do - lets out that anger/frustration and who cares if she knows you're on to her? It tells her to steer clear of you if nothing else.  :thumbup: 

 :hug:     :hug:     :hug:




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Hope67

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Re: encounters with a narc
« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2019, 07:02:45 PM »
Hi Blueberry,
Really sorry to hear you've been through that - but glad that you were able to express your feelings!   Hope that the remainder of your week goes well - and will look forward to catching up with you when you get back.  I've missed you!   :hug:
Hope  :)

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Wattlebird

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Re: encounters with a narc
« Reply #5 on: January 24, 2019, 02:45:11 AM »
Hi Bb
What u wrote made me very angry, I want to give her the finger too, that comment "I'm only trying to help"  :pissed:   :pissed:   :pissed:   :blowup:
I'm so glad u gave her the finger, I think it shows you won't accept her treatment of you, which I bet many people would in a place like that. (A so called place of acceptance and tolerance) which is probably why she's there.
Good on you bb I'm cheering u on
 :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:


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Blueberry

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Re: encounters with a narc
« Reply #6 on: January 24, 2019, 10:47:25 AM »
Thanks everybody!  :hug: :bighug:

Unfortunately, she upped the ante today which included trying to be my therapist. I didn't manage to react completely complacently. I didn't blow a fuse or gesture anything, but wasn't quite complacent either. She's enjoying herself with me.

So I said I wasn't working with her anymore and left the room. I found 3 hours worth of work to do this morning. I also told 2 people what was going on and that was helpful. I'm being bullied and I'm not willing to put up with it. The person I'm really meant to talk to about it hasn't come in yet today. Anyway, I refuse to work with that woman anymore. It's just not worth it for me.

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Deep Blue

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Re: encounters with a narc
« Reply #7 on: January 24, 2019, 12:36:48 PM »
I agree! You come first.  You donít deserve to be her toy.  Well done with the middle finger.  Hope you get away from the toxicity soon.

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LilyITV

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Re: encounters with a narc
« Reply #8 on: January 24, 2019, 03:04:13 PM »
So glad you are feeling better!  In reading through everyone's responses, I am glad I am not the only one cheering for you for standing up to the narc!   I dream about doing stuff like that to the narcs in my life.   

Although you may be concerned about her knowing she can get under your skin, what's also important is that she knows you are not going to put up with her BS, so there's going to be limit to the crap she is going to throw at you. 

You have handled this all so well and I can learn so much from you.  I am usually a target for people like this.   When people mistreat me, I tend to blame myself and withdraw.  I don't tell anyone and I don't do anything to stand up for myself.  Being assertive and standing up for myself is a huge issue I'm working on in therapy, so it's good for me to see how you can fight back in situations like this.

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Blueberry

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Re: encounters with a narc
« Reply #9 on: January 24, 2019, 04:01:23 PM »
Thanks everybody! I'll get away from here tomorrow. The people in authority I spoke to were not helpful. I heard things like "but she's such a nice, helpful person, I can't believe that of her". However I categorically refused to work in the same area tomorrow even if they are short of people and have enough people in the area I'm moving into. I just don't care. Their problem, they're allowing it to happen and pretending it has nothing whatsoever to do with the place here.

Narc Woman continues to up the ante. Today in the hatha yoga session, she came into the room for the opening relaxation pose and I found out when it ended and i sat back up again that she sat / lay directly behind me without a mat or mediation cushion. She's hounding me. She left after the opening relaxation pose. I left after the breathing exercises. I know that I am safe, but I don't feel very safe.

There's quite a lot coming up from life with B1 and my parents. Their reactions were similar to persons of authority here. In that sense it's good for me to realise how N my whole family is.

Thanks for your continued support, everybody :grouphug:

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notalone

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Re: encounters with a narc
« Reply #10 on: January 24, 2019, 05:19:16 PM »
I am sorry you are in such a difficult situation. Hang in there. You can make it through until tomorrow. Keep up the good work with the boundaries.

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Kizzie

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Re: encounters with a narc
« Reply #11 on: January 24, 2019, 05:43:49 PM »
Quote
"but she's such a nice, helpful person, I can't believe that of her"

Wow, flashback to my entire life with my covert NPD M. Unfortunately those with covert NPD fool so many because they cloak their behaviour in a veneer of niceness. I know you didn't get too far but they have had a complaint now and that will be there as they deal with her in the future (seed of doubt has been sown perhaps?).

Sorry to hear it's bringing up your past trauma  :hug: I hope younger you will see/feel that you are there for her.  You let her give the person the finger instead of her having to swallow the anger and you clearly know and are telling her who has the problem and that she don't deserve to be treated like this.   :cheer:   :applause:   :thumbup:


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Blueberry

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Re: encounters with a narc
« Reply #12 on: January 25, 2019, 08:37:28 AM »
It got even worse this morning, in a way. Narc Woman is not from this ashram but she managed to wangle or slime her way in to teaching the one and only hatha yoga course this morning. I left the room as soon as that became clear. I left all my cushions and blanket too - they're not mine, they're from the house. Normally I would tidy up after myself, but I simply left the room instead.

In a different way it was better though. The person who'd been kind of supervising us the past few days but not yesterday since it was her day off - well she was much more accepting of my complaint and even agreed with me that it was not OK for the head of the house to come up with that "she's such a nice, helpful person, I can't believe that of her" because in so doing she was completely disregarding my complaint and impressions. This supervisor said she had noticed a number of not OK instances of behaviour of Narc Woman and that it's definitely going to be added to her file. It even sounds as if they're unlikely to let her come back to work here. She's just a temporary helper like myself. The supervisor said she was glad I was there and glad that I helped out this week and that I'd be welcome to come back. I said however that was extremely unlikely.

I'm doing pretty well, all things considered. I felt too unsafe to go for a walk yesterday but went for one this morning. I also slept at night instead of sitting up colouring in mandalas which I had considered doing. And I had a shower this morning. That's often difficult for me when I feel psychologically unsafe. I also used one of the guest bathrooms ;D because they feel a lot safer to me than the worker/helper/in-resident bathrooms. I don't care that I shouldn't technically.

So thumb up to self for doing well  :thumbup:  :cheer:

Thanks to all for standing with me through this  :grouphug:

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Wattlebird

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Re: encounters with a narc
« Reply #13 on: January 25, 2019, 08:53:00 AM »
Good, I'm glad someone is taking your complaints seriously, you sound a bit better, I hope you managed to get something constructive out of the time there apart from dealing with narcs.
 :thumbup:

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Three Roses

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Re: encounters with a narc
« Reply #14 on: January 25, 2019, 04:20:23 PM »
You sound strong in your resolve. I liked it that you didn't pick up the mattress and left it for someone else, a protest in effect. I'm sorry your initial comments to someone in authority were not taken seriously, that would have felt terrible to me, invalidating and dismissive.

 :hug: :hug: :hug: to you, dear Blueberry.