Discovery Journal

[Three Roses]

Ran across a great quote today, from Blue Knot Foundation's Facebook page -

When people really become very upset, that whole capacity to put things into words in an articulate way disappears. And for me, that is a very important finding because it helped me to realize that, if people need to overcome the trauma, we need to also find methods to bypass what they call the tyranny of language.

This is what is like for me, and it doesn't take much to get me to the "very upset" level. In an EF, I shut down. The only thing that seems to motivate me to speak up for myself is if I'm angry, but sometimes not even then. So then my challenge becomes, not, "How do I speak up for myself?" but "How do I speak up for myself in a functional, emotionally healthy way?"

[Blueberry]

Your post really speaks to me this evening for reasons I'll try to articulate in my own Journal. Thanks   

[Deep Blue]

Three Roses,
You once told me that by keeping quiet it gives the power to those that abused us.  But!!!! You also said that any utterance counts... it could be a whisper, a scream, anything to break that barrier.

I still have difficulty speaking when I'm upset, but now I have a reason to say something, anything.  I also decided that for me, it doesn't need to be words either... I can write it in my journal too.  Some can draw or have some other creative outlet too!

What I'm trying to articulate (ha and probably not well here) is that when you are in an EF, it is even more important to be kind to yourself. The words will come... they just need a little more time ya know?

Much love, hope what I wrote made some sort of sense

[Hope67]

Hi Three Roses,

What you wrote in your Journal has also resonated with me.    to you, if that's ok.  I have also been thinking about 'expressing' emotions, and how difficult it is or can be, but seeing Deep Blue's words about giving the words/articulation time - that makes sense. 

I will also be thinking more about this, and hope to write about it in my own Journal - Three Roses - I'm struggling to articulate what I want to say, but I want to say your words resonated with me.   
Hope 

[Three Roses]

Blueberry, Deep Blue, Hope... 

[Jdog]

 

[Three Roses]

  back at ya, jdog ❤️

[Jdog]

Thanks, 3R, I think we both needed that hug!  I hope today goes well for you, my dear.  Sending thoughts of peace and tranquility.

[Three Roses]

Had a meds review with my doctor yesterday. I told her that I wanted to stop taking Prozac, I was seeing some side effects in a new light and wondering if I have seratonin syndrome. And I've been on anti depressants for 30-some years, which seems to me a little like treating the pain of a broken arm without ever addressing the issue of the broken bone - just treating the pain without treating the cause.

Her suggestion to my concern that I was experiencing some mild symptoms of seratonin syndrome was to suggest a different anti depressant.

Sigh.

We discussed (or I should say, I discussed  ) the other treatment options that are not just medicating symptoms - I brought up things like transcranial magnetic stimulation, biofeedback, and other similar treatments. She brought up cbt, and I said that I've had various talk therapies over the years and that I know what to do regarding my thoughts, self-view, self-esteem, blah blah blah (although it can be difficult to put into practice but I do know what to do), and I was more interested in therapies that will address the root cause of my symptoms.

I do like her, and respect her as my physical doctor, but obviously one doctor can't know the different therapies for all our bodily systems. Toward the end of our appointment she did bring up the fact that the therapies I was mentioning could only be prescribed by a psychiatrist and I asked if that was an option for me and she said yes. I'm feeling very encouraged by this. I hope I can find one within my hmo that is trauma informed. Since my hmo was the organization that initiated the study which resulted in the ACE test, I'm hoping that they'll be able to help me now in other ways besides just trying to medicate away my symptoms.

[Blueberry]

  for speaking up during doc appointment!

[Not Alone]

  For being educated, informed, and for standing up for yourself. 

[Hope67]

  and glad to hear you communicated your wishes to your doc - 
Hope 

[Jdog]

It sounds as though there is some hope for you getting the treatments you seek.  I'm sending wishes for a positive outcome once you meet with the psychiatrist.

[SharpAndBlunt]

  All sounds very positive 

[Three Roses]

Thanks, everyone! 

🥀🥀🥀

I read a quote I've never seen before, here it is -

I almost thanked you
for teaching me
something about survival
back there, but then
I remembered that
the ocean
never handed me
the gift of swimming.
I gave it to myself.

This quote gave me a new perspective about my own strength and resilience. (I found it on a Facebook group's page, the group is called "Beauty After Bruises". If you're on Facebook, I recommend them, lots of motivational quotes and helpful info.)