Discovery Journal

[Three Roses]

Snowdrop, notalone, SharpAndBlunt - thank you. Your support does indeed help. 

[Tee]

I'm sorry you having such a rough time 3R it sounds like you are taking steps in the right direction.  I'm here for you.

[Three Roses]

Thanks, Tee 

[Three Roses]

Really tired lately. It's difficult to read posts, not because of their content but because it takes so much effort to comprehend what I'm reading. Posting replies is even more difficult. I'm just hoping I haven't  anyone off by inadvertently saying the wrong thing. I care about all of Us here.

Still I'm hopeful about the future -

[Tee]

  3R I'm sorry you are having a rough time. I don't think you've upset anyone.

[Jdog]

Sending support your way, 3R.  I just started my first ever antidepressant prescription and it is really helping.  My HMO also doesn't support EMDR or other options you mentioned.  So, I understand.  I am also a fellow codependent.  I don't know if this is available in your area, but I have been attending support groups - not specifically for codependents, but a Buddhist oriented approach which welcomes anyone with issues, whether to do with substances or not.  It is helping.

May you find peace and rest.

[Three Roses]

Tee, thanks for the reassurance. 

Jdog, thanks for the suggestion. There's an organization called NAMI that has a branch in a city close to me - they have support groups and I'm thinking of going. It's a national organization, if anyone's interested here's a link. https://www.nami.org/find-your-local-nami

[Blueberry]

You haven't upset me anyway, 3R. I'm tired too. Maybe some  on the  horizon?

[SharpAndBlunt]

Three Roses, just to say you have definitely not upset me either. I've been  after starting ssris on Friday, totally zonked and levelling out now. I hope you get some rest.

[Three Roses]

Thanks Blueberry and SharpAndBlunt for the reassurance. 

[Three Roses]

I'm tired of feeling tired. At this point I'm really feeling the absence of antidepressants.... But still not sure if I really want to go that route again. I hate waiting for things, so I'm anxious to get this upcoming appointment over & done.

I was reading thru some of my handwritten journals and came across notes about a dream. In the dream I've been assigned to write a two page report but every time I load the paper into the typewriter (haha, yes, a typewriter! Showing my age here  ), the pages have all been written on, or I can't write for some other reason. This dream I think reveals to me how much blockage, unwillingness and interference I'm carrying. Ugh. So tired of this crapola. Starting to think that's what the C in CPTSD stands for! 

[Hope67]

Hi Three Roses,
When I think of you, and what C might stand for, in relation to 'you' - 'courageous' comes to mind.  I thought that as I read what you wrote.  But I realise you're talking about crapola and thinking about the C in CPTSD - so that's something entirely different, but I just wanted to share my thoughts - and also say that I hope your upcoming appointment comes soon, and that you don't have to wait too long.
to you, if that's ok.
Hope 

[Snowdrop]

 

[sanmagic7]

i hope your shrink appt. comes soon - it sure sounds like you can use some help.

i've been on and off anti-delps a couple of times, and they really helped, until they didn't anymore.  but, thankfully, by that time i was over the hump.  i was in my 60's also, so i know that healing can go on at any age, even this late in the game.  the work you've been putting in lately makes me think that you're on your way like never before, and for that i give you all credit, sweetie.     i have faith that you'll get to where you need to go sooner rather than later now.

of course your hub doesn't understand - how could he?  this stuff is debilitating when the downside hits, and you have every right to take your time, do what you need to do for you (even if it means laying in a hammock reading trashy novels!  - just an example) and not having to feel guilty about it.  i think that's one of the biggies for us, is not feeling guilty cuz our self care is paramount in importance, and the structure of our lives is independent and unique to each of us.  doesn't make it any less than anything else anyone is doing. 

i certainly know the feeling of being tired of being tired.  so draining, so difficult to get self back on track.  i had to chuckle at your interpretation of the letter 'c', and using a typewriter.  so many of the classics were written on those.  you are one of them, you know.  classic.  good word, too.   

hang tough, 3r.  i think you're a formidable force to reckon with, especially when it comes to overcoming.  i also get the whole 'should i, shouldn't i' when it comes to meds.  personally, with the work you're doing lately, i think they might be helpful to you getting thru some of the tougher spots, especially since you're hitting deeper layers of this crapola.  that can be a tough mountain to climb, and a little help might be just the thing to get you through.  just my opinion, tho.

sending lots of love and a big hug filled w/ hope and faith.   

[Three Roses]

Thanks!