Boat set sail journal

[Boatsetsailrose]

Im here to start writing my journal. Im going to take it from the year 2015 as this is when things took a nose dive with my mental health and have continued that way....

2015
Summer
I was with a dear man we were engaged, he was 20yrs my senior. I loved him we had met some 10yrs previously and had now been together 4 yrs. I loved him he was my best friend and soul friend but behind it all i wasn't happy. I watched him age quite dramatically due to his health condition ...we became limited in what we could do with our lives. His low mood was really difficult to be around, he wouldn't talk much about how he was and would keep it locked inside . i became an emotional exploder because it had to come out somewhere .. All.of a sudden it just hit me that i was leaving him ...i just knew it was the right decision ..
It didn't really hit me until a couple of months after we split, the loss and missing him , this has eased but i still miss him ...i really loved many things about him and we had a lot of fun despite the struggle. i did see him a couple of times since then  but last year made the decision that i really needed to let him go for good..
Shortly after we split i also came out of my denial about my sexuality and i now identify as a gay women. ..the librarian has been so good and I've got a part of me that is new ...i cut my hair short and stopped dressing for men ..i feel free. I haven't had any encounters with any women im not there yet in terms of a relationship.

Next time I'm going to continue my journal jan 2016 when i decided i was well enough to come off anti depressants ....which didn't end up as true .....

[Boatsetsailrose]

That should read 'liberation and not librarian

[Andyman73]

BSSRose,
makes so much more sense now. I wasn't sure how librarian worked in the sentense...but figured you did. I'm so glad you feel free "librariated"  . I really hope it continues to grow and grow, your liberty...even as its a few years down the road since this happened.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Thanks andy man ...healing from a relationship especially one of deep love takes years i am finding ....a part of me will always love him