Considering dating (TW)

[Sceal]

I am considering starting to date again this year. I say again, but truth is I've never dated.  My first relationship was sexually abusive and I never unlearned or recovered from that.

I would like to not be alone, but I dread physical contact. I don't understand how people who have suffered SA and R Are able to learn to like,/enjoy/love sex again, how can I do this?

[Blueberry]

I don't know either Sceal. I'm now good with physical contact so long as there's nothing sexual about it, in fact I've been pretty good with that for a long time. I once asked a CSA survivor in one of my numerous inpatient stays how she managed to have a boyfriend. She said that he didn't touch her, that's how.

I've never dated either. I'm even frightened of the word, of the concept.

I hope there are others on here who can give you more helpful information.

[Sceal]

I don't think I would be lucky to meet a man who would be satisfied with only cuddles and  never really getting any sex.

I can do hugs and pat on the shoulder and nudging and such - by the right people. Sometimes I really really need a hug or someone to just hold me or my hand, but I can't ask anyone for those things. So they rarely happen.

But for the future, how can I go on dates with people knowing I can't give them intimacy on that level? Wouldn't that be the definition of "stringing them along"? I don't want to do that.

I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.

[Lillian]

I'm not sure if this will help you, but it helped me, so it might.
I remember telling a therapist years ago that I felt really angry any time a man got turned on. I would never tell them, but I struggled with it and would try to avoid sex or somehow change the subject. She told me that this was based on a fear I had of him (him = any man) having more power than me. I was afraid to be vulnerable. Once I had this realization, I was able to let it go.
I mean, you probably already know this, but I hope it helps anyway.