Confusing stories

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Rainagain

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Confusing stories
« on: February 11, 2019, 11:33:10 AM »
Back to isolation after having to travel to meet a psych.

Very anxious time but done with.

The psych wasn't on the same page as me at all, a bit surreal really.

My ex employer has recently started to attack me directly, my integrity, my personality, all the important parts of a person.

Met an ex colleague and had a really good chat. When I mentioned this recent character attack they looked really shocked as they couldn't see how I could be seen as anything other than honest and hardworking.

That shock was real and so supportive, an honest response which helped to bolster me against the character attacks I face.

I was liked and respected by many, I never felt that but it was and is true.

It negates the shame to realise this, it helps to protect me from the negativity.

It's so hard to get my story straight when others are trying to warp things.

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Blueberry

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Re: Confusing stories
« Reply #1 on: February 11, 2019, 05:33:10 PM »
 :cheer: for the honestly shocked and supportive response from your ex-colleague!

Really too bad, putting it mildly, that your ex employer won't leave you alone! Sounds a bit like Narc Woman who I had to deal with for a mere week - every time I defended myself or even just set a boundary, she escalated her bad treatment of me. But for you the situation must be far worse because it's ongoing.  :hug: :hug:

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Three Roses

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Re: Confusing stories
« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2019, 05:43:21 PM »
Standing in support of you, Rain.  :hug:

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Kizzie

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Re: Confusing stories
« Reply #3 on: February 11, 2019, 06:21:05 PM »
So sorry to hear the Pdoc was not on the same page Rainagain, some MH professionals just don't get that the N-like behav of people like your ex-employer is as abusive and damaging as it is.   

Lovely that your ex-colleague was so validating and affirming of your real self at least and I hope you hang onto that and fiercely so in the face of the character attacks.  :yes:

 :grouphug:

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Rainagain

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Re: Confusing stories
« Reply #4 on: February 11, 2019, 11:56:25 PM »
Thank you for the kindness.

I think I was beginning to agree with the negative stuff so my ex colleague really helped me remember it is all manipulation.

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Kizzie

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Re: Confusing stories
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2019, 07:57:56 PM »
 :hug:

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Rainagain

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Re: Confusing stories
« Reply #6 on: April 06, 2019, 10:31:20 AM »
I left my job a few years back with the psych issues my employer caused, no pension and no way to make a living as I'm wrecked.

Made enquiries this week and I am entitled to apply for ill health retirement.

This is good news as it might help me live.

But the fact that my employer caused my illness then manipulated me out of my job and went against their policies to deny me retirement on grounds of Ill health is gnawing at me.

All I did this week was email an enquiry to the pension scheme people, I could have done this 3 years ago but assumed my abusive managers wouldn't be that evil.

Another level of betrayal, vindictive managers harming me because they could get away with it.

Cause the illness then withold something that would help me.

The malice is shocking, I am having trouble counting the ways I was betrayed, this is a new level of awful, even if it is good news.

Not sure if its possible to recover from years of powerful people victimising me like this, even now a new aspect appears and I see a little more of the evil I experienced.

They purport to be professional but acted like a bunch of evil psychopaths, no remorse, no empathy.

Hard to process it all.

HR are looking into what happened to provide me with an explanation, they seem a little shocked  but no official response as yet.

If I can be victimised again I'm sure I will be.

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LearnToLoveTheRide

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Re: Confusing stories
« Reply #7 on: April 06, 2019, 11:33:31 AM »
"Don't Let Behavior of Others Destroy Your Inner Peace” – Dalai Lama.

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Rainagain

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Re: Confusing stories
« Reply #8 on: April 06, 2019, 04:36:25 PM »
Too late,

Its destroyed.

Maybe I could rebuild some.

Anyway, easy for him to say, he is self employed :dramaqueen:

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Kizzie

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Re: Confusing stories
« Reply #9 on: April 10, 2019, 01:46:01 PM »
Quote
Made enquiries this week and I am entitled to apply for ill health retirement.

I really hope this comes through Rainagain  :yes:

Quote
"Don't Let Behavior of Others Destroy Your Inner Peace” – Dalai Lama.

I love so much of what the Dalai Lama writes and says and I aspire to it, but the reality is that trauma destroys any inner peace we might have had.  Many of us didn't have any b/c abuse began at an early age.  We have to work hard in recovery to achieve/regain some, part of which imo is facing and dealing with the anger and pain of being abused/betrayed.  I haven't gotten all the way there yet but it is coming.  If nothing else I know I will not ever let anyone treat me the same way which does add a small measure of inner peace I suppose.

Maybe you can rebuild some too once you deal with the hurt and anger. 

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Rainagain

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Re: Confusing stories
« Reply #10 on: May 11, 2019, 10:36:55 AM »
On some level they destroyed my inner peace because I let it happen somehow, it wasnt their behaviour so much as actual actions, hard to explain and hard to defend against when they have power over you.

I didn't want to be a victim, I just got victimised by people who used their power over me to do that to me.

My legal stuff and pension enquiries dont capture what happened at all, it's a sanitised version which ignores the real wrongdoing, which is the malice behind it all.

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Kizzie

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Re: Confusing stories
« Reply #11 on: May 13, 2019, 06:18:47 PM »
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My legal stuff and pension enquiries dont capture what happened at all, it's a sanitised version which ignores the real wrongdoing, which is the malice behind it all.

I don't know what's involved in the legal/pension process but is there any opportunity for you to include a clear, unsanitized victim statement of what happened and what it caused in your life in the various documents you have to submit?

I took a quick look at workplace abuse/trauma on the Internet and there does seem to be some legal acknowledgement that employer abuse can be devastating and traumatic (e.g., https://work.chron.com/types-abuse-workplace-11426.html).  Perhaps that means victim statements are an important part of any legal record/proceedings? 
« Last Edit: May 13, 2019, 06:21:45 PM by Kizzie »

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Rainagain

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Re: Confusing stories
« Reply #12 on: May 15, 2019, 09:13:06 AM »
Thank you Kizzie,
This could be the thing which has been missing so far.
Lawyers focus on the legal points, things like causation and employer foreseeability which are 'surface' aspects and dont capture what really happened and why.
But without looking at things as malevolent nothing really makes sense, it just looks like a sequence of random bad decisions with no narrative.

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Kizzie

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Re: Confusing stories
« Reply #13 on: May 15, 2019, 04:19:35 PM »
I hope you can move forward with having a statement included as that would humanize the process and hopefully provide you some validation and relief. 

I was also wondering if there might be an online group like this one for people in your situation who have endured workplace abuse. It might provide some relief, validation of the human cost and maybe even ideas of what more might be done legally?