New Member - hello

[Horse78]

Hi All,

I have CPTSD, developed in childhood. I'm joining this forum as I am seeking support and understanding from those who can identify, and of course to empower and support everyone else with their journey of healing.

I've just come through an predictably awful winter, live in Scandinavia, am a father, separated from her mother, though on good terms, and cut off all contact from my family a few years back, was the right thing to do. And while I have a small, invaluable support network here, I have to say, managing all of this pretty much alone has been trying and isolating. I miss the culture I grew up in (UK/London) and am pretty resilient, having managed to get a good job here and co parent my wonderful child. But I am struggling - beyond work and raising a child, I am fatigued and keep my head just above water.

I've done many years of therapy, I would roughly say half of that was useful in identifying the cause, but the therapist didn't grasp that cPTSD is also neurogenic, so to that end, I have researched this aspect to support my nervous system. I train, eat well, don't drink that much, don't do drugs to support this aspect.

I would like to get on with my life, but feel somewhat stuck. I've come to terms with all the years and opportunities I missed out on because of this condition, because of where I come from, but do feel I have a lot more to offer. I am solution focused, and that means moving into a profession that fulfils me and travelling again, but while I'm able to do some things that most folk would find intimidating, I find other things really difficult as my head is a often like a sea of white noise and it is debilitating. I have started meditating, and I find this helpful. I'm frustrated that I am ham strung by this, and somewhere, I truly believe there is a good, joyous, happy, love filled life out there, but getting there feels impossible at the moment.

Just really want to connect with others in the same boat who are still getting out of bed in the morning and making it work as best they can.

I chose Horse as apparently that's my spirit animal if your into that type of thing. I'm free and open minded, quick in thought and agile, and solid and unrelenting when I need to be, with much integrity. I hate working in an office lol

Look forward to meeting you all,

Best

Horse

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, Horse! 

[Not Alone]

Horse,
Glad you joined this group. It is good to be able to connect with others who know what it is like to live with the struggles of C-PTSD. Welcome.

[Rovivrus]

May you find the freedom from the abusive FOO and their toxic messages, then.
Welcome on board.

[Kizzie]

HI and a warm welcome to OOTS Horse (lovely animals - we have wild horses where I live and it absolutely makes my day when I see them).

I know the fatigue you're talking about, I remember describing myself as bone weary and utterly exhausted when I first started posting here in 2014.  I also am familiar with the white noise you describe.  Fortunately therapy and talking here have brought both way down.  I hope the same will be true for you.    

[Horse78]

Thanks all for this warm welcome. Forgive the delay, has been a busy month, want to get involved, take part and contribute to this forum.
Thanks BeH for your reply - I think I'm hard on cPTSD rather than myself heh, I want a shot at the life I dreamed of, and am sooooo frustrated with this constant adaptation to this condition and compromises I've had to make. But it also motivates me to get better, one step at a time.

Best to everyone

Horse