Witholding Validation

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stepintothesun

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Witholding Validation
« on: February 12, 2019, 12:52:34 AM »
Backstory: I was mentally and emotionally abused by someone for several months, to the point where I often fear leaving my apartment due to the possibility of seeing him.

I've talked to friends, University Security, my therapist, even my mom, and they all told me I was being irrational and that since he didn't outright abuse me or threaten me, nothing could be done.
A friend of two years told me she didn't want to be involved in our "drama" because she wanted to stay friends with both of us, even though she saw me break down upon seeing him.
Another friend convinced me to talk to Security since I was afraid to leave my room, even for food, and they told me that because he never threatened me, they couldn't do anything.
My therapist stopped me when I told her he "ruined my life" and asked me to think about it logically.
My mom told me to control my emotions more and toughen up.
I've had friends insinuate that I need to "fix" the friendship.

I've gone through so many people telling me I'm irrational, that I should just control my emotions, not let him see that he gets to me, or even worse, still want to be friends with him after he drove me to the point of breakdowns upon seeing anything that reminds me of him.
He's also been finding indirect ways to get back at me, or to try and get back in my life and it's tearing me apart.

It's gotten to the point where part of me is wondering if I am paranoid and oversensitive about the situation, and the other part is furious that my trauma isn't being validated.

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Kizzie

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Re: Witholding Validation
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2019, 07:56:49 PM »
Hi SITS and welcome back to OOTS, it's been a while. It sounds like you are out of your parent's home now, going to university and living on your own? 

Based on what you wrote about your family previously I can only imagine your M would not support/validate you. Certainly no-one here is going to invalidate your experience though, too many of us know the damage emotional abuse can cause. Perhaps if your T isn't validating/supportive it might be time to find one that is?

Does the university have counseling/support services you can tap into?  If you are not feeling safe enough to come out of your room that's a concern the university needs to help you with.

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stepintothesun

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Re: Witholding Validation
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2019, 10:18:24 PM »
It sounds like you are out of your parent's home now, going to university and living on your own? 

Perhaps if your T isn't validating/supportive it might be time to find one that is?

Does the university have counseling/support services you can tap into?  If you are not feeling safe enough to come out of your room that's a concern the university needs to help you with.
Thanks for the reply! I am having to move back into my Parents house due to finances and the fact that being on campus terrifies me. I had to fight to be placed with the T I have, my university wanted to put me in a group. I just donít know what to do, and donít have money at this point to see someone outside on University.

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Kizzie

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Re: Witholding Validation
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2019, 07:17:51 PM »
I'm sorry to hear this SITS.  I imagine the university would be willing to refer you to an agency who can help you with applying for disability, housing, treatment, etc., if you ask.  Maybe give that a try?