Downsizing Worklife

[movementforthebetter]

I'm going in tomorrow to get a temp job. I don't want to go broke while not working, but in my heart I know I'm not ready to work yet. I just don't have much choice, and my SO is leaning on me hard to return to work.

I'm looking for the unicorn job that won't stress me out and won't have office politics. I don't know if I will ever find that. So I'll temp for minimum for as long as I can stand it.

Nearly everything about work environments trigger me, either with sleep disturbances and anxiety, or all the way to dissociation and crying spells. The whole experience is too much for me to process day-in, day-out. No one on the outside sees it that way, though.

Tomorrow I will have to tell the recruiter that I don't want a job that suits my résumé, without saying why. That scares me. Other people's unending and unjustified expectations scare me.

[Three Roses]

I always liked temping. You can do something until it isn't working for you anymore, whether that's a week, a month or a day. I kind of felt the office politics (they were in every job, some worse, some better) didn't have anything to do with me. Good luck with your search!

[Blueberry]

I'm sorry, movementforthebetter! I know all about feeling pushed back into the workplace when I'm not ready. It's not fun. Though sometimes it has gone better than I thought. I never manage full-time. Is part-time or even very part-time an option for you? That way there's more time for processing on whatever old memories etc come up or for dealing with EFs.

I really get this:

Tomorrow I will have to tell the recruiter that I don't want a job that suits my résumé, without saying why. That scares me. Other people's unending and unjustified expectations scare me.

it's very similar for me. So I'm sending good thoughts! 

[Not Alone]

I get it. I just got a part-time job three weeks ago. I also am under-employed. Even though my job is relatively stress-free, I still feel anxious before work, even if it is just a three-hour shift. Knowing that I have to be "on" is stressful. The recruiter doesn't need to know why you want the type of job you are looking for. If he/she presses you, say "For right now in my life, this is the type of job that will suit me." Keep your boundaries. I hope you find something that works for you. (If it is horrible, you can always quit.)

[movementforthebetter]

Thanks for the words of support, everyone. I'm in  mostly good sitution. I have full-time work that will probably be relatively stress free. It's a big warehouse, and I'm hoping I can mostly work independently. I don't think people usually pile too much on the temps.

It's minimum wage with a long commute, which I don't like. It may not be a good fit  for me down the line. But on the plus side, I get to commute with my SO. And it'll pay the bills, so I'll try it out.

[johnram]

Thank you for this posting, this is somehwat how i feel as i look into possibly returning to work, but ideally i want part time or more flexible options so i can continue to heal and fix without the stress of normal jobs

but like you say, how to explain - its hard

will decide soon what i do, but hoping i can find something that ticks all my boxes

[movementforthebetter]

So this is not the unicorn job. I'm still looking, though not very hard. I wake up before 5am and don't get home til about 4:30pm, or later. They always want OT and Saturday shifts but I alredy work for them full time. It's physical and I've had arthritis and pain issues that limit my ability to do OT, and then I'm stiff and exhausted when I get home. I spent Friday moving boxes included repeated lifting over my head. Tylenol is my friend.

Benefits:
Making money
Sleeping better (due to total physical exhaustion)
Spending time with SO
Daily exercise, am getting fitter
Being given new tasks
Job is not stressful
Quick pace generally keeps my brain busy

Negatives:
Boot-camp level physical work
Pain from said work
Hot and dirty job
Commute too long
No benefits, low pay
Not much time for self care
Too many hours

[johnram]

I have to be honest, there is a shameful aspect to this that i am struggling with, i think there is some competitive side to me even though i was never able to compete given all my other issues

it feels like i am giving up, and that i find complicated in my mind, but it is likely the best choice i can make for me also

anyway, wonder if that makes sense

[movementforthebetter]

I think we're all conditioned from childhood to measure our worth based on our contributions to society, especially work. It's a hard mindset to change.

[johnram]

I think we're all conditioned from childhood to measure our worth based on our contributions to society, especially work. It's a hard mindset to change.

that is very true
i wonder what is an alternative way, i truly feel a need to measure and gauge life by a different yard stick.