Hi

[Growing Seed]

Hello, fellow recoverers.

I never know where to start with introductions. I can't organize my thoughts or even access half of them when I'm trying to talk about myself. And the ones that do come up, I'm too afraid of being judged about.  I would rather just lurk in the shadows and respond to random posts, but I'll never build a sense of community that way.

My C-PTSD is from childhood, but the shame and isolation got worse after dropping out of college a few years ago. In college I was seeing a psychiatrist for meds and CBT to try to treat the diagnoses of social anxiety disorder, GAD, ADD, etc, but that never helped the core issue of shame and self-hatred. (And before that, in childhood, I was misdiagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, which I'm sure my parents were very happy about because it took all the blame off of them.) I've been seeing a psychodynamic/relational therapist since then, and we finally hit upon the CPTSD diagnosis. Therapy is helping me not kick myself so hard (figuratively), but I still get stuck in shame, I can't even talk or answer questions when I'm totally stuck, and part of me is afraid that that'll never be treatable. I've read about emotional flashbacks and I've gotten better at handling the ones make me hyperaroused, but I still can't get out of the freeze response most of the time.

Anyway, I feel like I'm rambling now, which I guess is better than not having anything to say. I've been sitting here for half an hour wondering if there's anything I should've changed, added, or left out. Oh well, here goes the plunge into that "post" button.

[woodsgnome]

  Stepping out of that comfort zone is always a tad frightening, but you've made it this far, so congratulations, and welcome. Pretty much everyone on here has gone through those jitters as well, and we're all at varying stages of recovery and doing what we can to get down this bumpy road with integrity, and maybe even improvement.

While it's scary to post here, the best thing is to know it's pretty safe, and others 'get it' when it comes to getting up the courage to share whatever they want or care to. I'm also mostly a sort of freeze type, so you're not alone with that aspect.

Anyway, hope you feel free to look around the site for topics and resources, and whenever you feel drawn to contribute within the forum discussions.

[Three Roses]

Hello! Congrats on stepping out of the shadows - I do see you've posted once before a while back about physical pain - but an intro post is something different, isn't it? Has a different feel, with an extra measure of vulnerability. But the sense of belonging I get here is like none I've ever experienced in my life and I'm in my 60s. I know that no matter what I've experienced, I can talk about it here and won't be minimized or told to be quiet about it. And there will be others who have experienced the same and will have insights and/or supportive comments.

So thanks for posting, and I look forward to hearing more from you.

[Growing Seed]

Thank you, woodsgnome and Three Roses! Yeah, last time I posted I wasn't really ready to be "seen", so I got really afraid/ashamed and didn't even check if there were any responses to it but I checked now and it seems someone actually got something out of it

[Three Roses]

it seems someone actually got something out of it

It seems that is a regular occurrence around here 😉

[Kizzie]

    

Keep on posting, IME it does get easier 

[Not Alone]

I certainly understand the internal debate of: "what I should delete, add, should I send it at all?" Glad you took the courageous risk to post this.