Hello from a new member

[bluepalm]

Hello all, when I first read about complex trauma a few years ago it was an enormous relief to be able to make sense of a lifelong struggle. As a young woman I had sought help for my sadness and despair, but neither my therapists nor I had the understanding or language of complex trauma to help explain what was wrong. So I was left trying to manage to get through life with what felt like a hidden disability, all alone. I'm now in my early 70s and with the help of all that's being written now on trauma I'm trying to listen more carefully to my body and work with it to protect me. As I get older I feel that I'm becoming more, not less, vulnerable to shocks and I'm withdrawing from people even more than I did in the past. A recent episode of acute despair led me to reach out (yet again) for support and I discovered OOTS and decided to become a member in the hope that I will find a safe community of understanding people with whom I can share my experiences, learn and, I hope, feel less alone. 

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum, bluepalm!

[Dee]

I am 45 and while not quite your age, I do agree that things do not get better with time.  I do however believe, that things do get better with appropriate treatment.  I have found that the older I get, the more I isolate.  Recently, I was accused of isolating in a room full of people, and it is true, I was absolutely doing that.  I do find this site supportive and I hope you do as well.

[Three Roses]

Welcome, bluepalm! I was diagnosed with PTSD six years ago and eventually found my way here where I learned about CPTSD, which fits me exactly, so I am self-diagnosed. Now in my early sixties, I am realizing that what you've said here is true, things get worse over time without treatment and awareness.

Since I've discovered this site, I've read up on CPTSD, abuse, trauma, and discovered authors like Bessel van der Kolk and Pete Walker. And I've got to say, things have been better overall since then, even though I've been in and out of therapy since my 30s.

For me it takes being mindful daily of CPTSD and my personal issues surrounding trauma to be able to escape my most bothersome symptoms (like emotional flashbacks). Anyway, welcome to the forum, and I look forward to hearing more from you!
 

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS bluepalm     A 60 something here so you are definitely not alone in finding your way a little later in life, there are a lot of us who went through a good portion of our lives not knowing fully what we were dealing with unfortunately. 

I hope OOTS provides you with the safe harbour you are looking for not to mention a 'tribe' of sorts

[bluepalm]

Thank you so much to all of you for your welcome and messages. It means a huge amount to me to feel acknowledged. It's also really helpful to hear that others feel that managing complex trauma gets harder as one gets older. I too have done extensive reading over these past years to try to understand what is going on inside me and why. My most recent episode of despair was triggered by thinking I could stop taking antidepressants and manage my feelings of sadness and anger by a combination of intellectual understanding and willpower. It did not work and I now know, in my bones, that I cannot manage by an effort of will alone. Understanding is important but I also need support by way of my therapist and medication and I need to pay way more attention to becoming attuned to my body, nurturing my body, and stop judging how it reacts, but rather respect that it is telling me when I need to protect myself. For all my reading, it feels I'm still stumbling towards really understanding what Bessel van der Kolk means by saying the body keeps the score. Thank you again for your responses. I will read more on these pages and see where I can contribute.

[Kizzie]

    and   

[Three Roses]

 

[bluepalm]

Kizzie, you said: "I hope OOTS provides you with the safe harbour you are looking for not to mention a 'tribe' of sorts". I've only been on this forum a few days but already I feel immensely grateful. It does feel as if I've found somewhere, a 'tribe', that has lived an experience like mine and finding that is truly healing. It's like being wrapped up in something warm. I spoke with my GP about finding support in the community but could not find it locally where I live. I didn't know you were already waiting here in the virtual world to provide what I need. So, to Kizzie and the others who founded and are running this forum, may I say a huge thank you. You are providing me with an anchor, a safe harbour, as I work every day at trying to manage life. I look at the OOTS icon on my laptop as a friend. Thank you! 

[Three Roses]