Flight response very strong

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Anjulie

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Flight response very strong
« on: March 02, 2019, 10:41:55 AM »
Hi
at the moment, everything is a bit overwhelming to me. I think it's because of the book "From Surviving to Thriving" from Pete Walker and that I really dared to quit my job. And now there is this forum. All these things are very very good, I can feel it in my heart. But, as I'm used to in such times, I always want to add even more activity to this.

For example, yesterday I signed up (I said I would come for a trial session) for a local yoga class - because I've read the posts here in the forum about the book "The body keeps the score". Yesterday evening I felt so exhausted and totally overwhelmed with everything, that, together with my husband, I realized that it is way too much with the yoga class. As it was nothing fixed yet, I decided just to not go. It was the right decision but I was already exhausted by the process.  :stars:

This morning, it went on with excessive App- browsing and downloading. Well,  by now I've recognized this and have deleted the (self-optimizing) apps, fortunately they were all free....

Does anyone know this? I wonder if there's always an ef behind it... because if it is, I might be in ef most of the time these days....
And that makes me sad. And afraid, because my husband is already really exhausted by my inner work and the changes in my life and the depression-like feelings.
Anjulie


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woodsgnome

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Re: Flight response very strong
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2019, 03:29:30 PM »
From your description and what I've read from others on this forum, what you're experiencing is not unusual. I'm also the sort to dive into everything in short order in pursuit of righting the ship. The overwhelm was huge, but I also so badly wanted to get to the core and start the road back to feeling okay.

It wasn't until lots of wrong turns, grief and self-blame/anger that I didn't seem to be shaking the cptsd off, and several therapists (it took many tries to find a competent T) for me to feel I'm okay with myself. Still disappointed but also somehow still working it out.

For me, Walker was a turning point, but it wasn't instant by any means. Walker warns of this in the book, but of course I wanted to be the exception to that, but here I am, still wandering but at least I feel a tinge of progress. Along the way, I wondered and then noticed lots of ef moments in what was going on, until eventually I stopped trying to identify them all. While I'm still curious, I found that analyzing each one only added to the overwhelm.

Finally, I learned to slow way down on expecting so much of myself. Realizing I'd been badly injured by cptsd, I could do nothing much to stem the grief, but I stopped rejecting it as other than a sad but okay aspect of this. But I also hope I've come to realize I'm getting nowhere just understanding, but again it's sooo slow sometimes. Somehow it needs to revert to taking it easy on myself, not always blaming myself if relief doesn't seem quick.

I still get to the edge but don't always fall off the cliff of despair either. I've accepted this, while plunging on as I've finally learned that to accept some things (which is not giving in to defeat, only a realization that stuff did happen, I'm recovering, and need to be self-compassionate when it feels like I'm stuck. Now that I have a T fully cognizant of cptsd it's helped in this regard as well.

I know that this can sound frustrating. We didn't ask for this, but now that we're here I guess we at least still somehow have the strength to choose our new direction, starting with huge amounts of self-compassion for being here.

 :hug:     
« Last Edit: March 02, 2019, 03:34:54 PM by woodsgnome »

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Anjulie

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Re: Flight response very strong
« Reply #2 on: March 03, 2019, 09:55:27 AM »
woodsgnome, thank you so much for understanding.  :hug:

I don't feel your words sound frustrating, more that you have come to a point where you can stand more safely and more down-to-earth. What you have (no doubt with much work) achieved in your inner thinking/attitude - that sounds hopeful to me, the hope of a more accepting way of life, more slow.

We didn't ask for this, but now that we're here I guess we at least still somehow have the strength to choose our new direction, starting with huge amounts of self-compassion for being here.

 :hug:     

This moved me. Thank you.


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Blueberry

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Re: Flight response very strong
« Reply #3 on: March 03, 2019, 01:34:25 PM »
at the moment, everything is a bit overwhelming to me. I think it's because of the book "From Surviving to Thriving" from Pete Walker and that I really dared to quit my job. And now there is this forum. All these things are very very good, I can feel it in my heart. But, as I'm used to in such times, I always want to add even more activity to this.

I know this kind of stuff. I have plans i want to get going on, plan too much and then everything becomes too much all too quickly. I am getting better at not allowing that to happen and better at finding a balance because I do have other phases when I can hardly get going on anything much.

Your reactions could be an EF. I realised at some point or other that I used to be in EFs for weeks or even months at a time, also that my EFs could be many layered, like an EF inside another EF. Also some EFs are milder than others and cause different difficulties.

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Anjulie

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Re: Flight response very strong
« Reply #4 on: March 03, 2019, 03:14:35 PM »
yeah, thats a problem I know, too: having phases where you cannot do much. And then I have to cancel things I planned in my better phases. Good that you are getting better of not getting swept away.  :applause:

For finding the balance, I think I may have to learn to fly over my life and view it from above so I can see that there are these changes and my decisions should be so that every side/shape of me can live with them. Absolutely not one of my strengths...

Since I know about efs I have wondered sometimes, if there could sometimes be more than one flashback. I'm glad you told me like it is for you - it helps  :)
As woodsgnome said, it would be to much for me to always track them to where they come from. But we can do self-care as much as possible.

I still have a thousand impulses to act on finding information on all kinds of therapy. But have not acted on it. I am proud that I didn't.  Maybe there will be a true instinct / feeling on this subject when the urge is not so strong anymore.


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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: Flight response very strong
« Reply #5 on: March 16, 2019, 07:46:54 PM »
Hi anjulie
Im realised lately that i can overuse the terms 'triggered' 'flashback' and struggling a bit too much and sometimes I'm just dealing with the normal ups and downs of life, emotion and energy levels. I think where I've become less 'hardened to life ive become sometimes over sensitive and put myself in the cptsd box when i don't need to.
I also can relate to flight and using the internet due to me not wanting to face uncomfortability and my feelings. ...

For me at the moment i want to remember im just another human on this planet and come from that place and  when i am in EF ill know it rather than over labeling myself

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Anjulie

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Re: Flight response very strong
« Reply #6 on: March 17, 2019, 02:45:46 PM »
Thank you for saying this, Boatselsailrose.
"For me at the moment i want to remember im just another human on this planet and come from that place and  when i am in EF ill know it rather than over labeling myself"
That sounds really good  :hug:

I think, for me it is also a thing to keep in mind. I'm just not yet experienced enough to know when there's a ef and when it's just "normal" sadness, anger etc. So I think it cannot hurt treating myself as if I am in ef (self-care, self-soothing, telling myself that it will not last forever etc.). But in the long run it may become an obstacle in letting myself go into a more normal life.

I've noticed that in former crisis I had a hard time to let go of the crisis as it was so much needed to define my identity. But at the time, for me, it is not a danger, because I benefit a lot atm from observing and kindly accept what is going on. Finally I am able to label these feeling states, even if I may sometimes label them wrongly as efs. Does that make sense?

And what I thought, too, is that the flight response is  so strongly present every day of my life (maybe I am a bit adrenaline-addicted). I guess it is a automatic thing that just carries on even when I feel okay with myself.