tornado feelings

[Not Alone]

My husband and I have a marriage therapy session once a month. The other three weeks of the month are my individual sessions. My husband is a nice, honest, patient man. There are things that are upsetting to me and I do think that those are legitimate frustrations/irritations/hurts. Sometimes when those things happen, my feelings are so huge and can last hours to days. Then something happens and it is like there is a switch and I see him as he is; not perfect, but not a monster. I haven't talked to my therapist about this for two reasons. One, I am dealing with so much from the past and feel like I am bearly making it session to session, that I don't want to "waste" session time talking about my marriage. Two, at times in our marriage session, I feel like an angry teenager, who is being blamed for everything. When I step back, I truthfully do not think that either my husband or therapist are blaming me, but those feelings are strong. I fear that if I confess how my thoughts and feelings about him are like being in a tornado and then something happens and there is a switch and I see him more objectively, that I will be totally blamed for issues in our relationship. Any input and advice is welcome.

[Kizzie]

Notalone does the therapist & your H know you have Complex PTSD?  I ask b/c the something similar happens to me when my H (also a kind loving person), does/says something that triggers past trauma. Now that my H and I know what's going on, we've managed to talk more openly about why something upsets me deeply.

That helps him to understand how to avoid triggering me and me to talk in the moment about why I have an upset child or teen bubbling up. For example, if I think he is not listening to me or I can't get through about something important it triggers me b/c my FOO never listened.  They brushed my concerns aside (which was really brushing ME aside and that still stings).  So now my H tries to listen to what I am saying and I try to explain what I need/want/mean more clearly. I have learned that my anger is often legitimate it's just that it doesn't come to the surface in a way that makes working through it very easy for either of us. 

It may be that this is what you do need to talk about in therapy?   Anyway, hope it's helpful.

[Not Alone]

Kizzie, I really appreciate your reply. I did end up talking about this in my session today. My T helped me to see how my anger shows and pushes my H away. Also, very honest about my H's limits. Lots of years and issues and brokenness to deal with, but at least it is on the table for me.

[Blueberry]

  for being brave enough to get the issue out in the open at T session!

This switch and then you see your H more objectively sounds like coming back out of an EF to me. Being in an EF doesn't mean we're wrong about the feelings, words, situation that catapulted us into it though.

[Kizzie]

That's good to hear notaloneand kudos for taking a risk and talking about it   

[Not Alone]

BB & K, thank you for your support and words of wisdom. Very appreciated.

[Kizzie]