Handling Toxic People

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BeHea1thy

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Handling Toxic People
« on: March 18, 2019, 06:54:11 PM »
Karen Young has a website called Hey Sigmund. She brands her site as "Where the Science of Psychology Meet the Art of Being Human."

I discovered this fine list titled: Toxic People 12 Things They Do and How to Deal with Them. https://www.heysigmund.com/toxic-people/
This differs from many things written about toxic behavior because the suggestions are a mix of self empowerment and serious self-reflection.




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Kizzie

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Re: Handling Toxic People
« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2019, 08:48:21 PM »
Great article BH, sounds a lot like the behaviour of people with NPD.

It has taken me a long time to spot these kinds of tactics but once you do see them it makes life a lot better I must say.  I generally don't engage with anyone who behaves like this now, waste of time and breath.

 Just move forward Ė without them. Donít surrender your truth but donít keep the argument going. Thereís just no point.   Yup  :yes:

The only time I do is here when a member starts behaving like this.  Both BB and I have red flags for some members so we do watch/follow them if we see pattern developing and take action if/when necessary Sorry, not to hijack the thread I just wanted to point out that we do get members here who behave like this from time to time and as the author suggests:   

if you know the characteristic signs of a toxic person, youíll have a better chance of catching yourself before you tie yourself in double knots trying to please them.   

Amen to that! 
« Last Edit: March 18, 2019, 08:51:07 PM by Kizzie »

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Three Roses

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Re: Handling Toxic People
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2019, 10:04:12 PM »
Thanks, BeHea1thy, I've bookmarked that site!  :wave:

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woodsgnome

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Re: Handling Toxic People
« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2019, 04:02:07 PM »
Thanks, BH!

The label 'toxic people' sums up several decades of my life ... perhaps all of them, come to think of it.

The good is that the repetitive pattern isn't necessarily a huge flaw; rather it indicates a desperate willingness to trust. Umm ... and then, I guess the counter is that without noticing the signs as presented in this article, the instinct to trust backfired on me, and the daze from the subsequent blows left me reeling in self-blame, shame, and anger.  Too late, I feel like this ---  :doh: which leads to this:  :'(

The tendency is to just give up, at this point. That I haven't, entirely, is at least a sign of resilience, following on  the heels of mere survival. So far, I need to remember; and build on it, no matter how long I was around these toxic sorts.

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Kizzie

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Re: Handling Toxic People
« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2019, 06:25:58 PM »
FWIW Woodgnome I think people who don't have CPTSD get caught up by toxic people too, they just step away sooner and don't end up in the shame and self-blame spiral we do. Whereas we tend to think "I should have been smarter, more intuitive, whatever..." they think "This person is trying to manipulate me so I'm going to cut contact" and they move on.  I have a small measure of peace now that I am able to better spot toxic behaviour but like so many others here I haven't quite figured out how to connect with trustworthy/non-toxic people in real life yet.  A work in progress.