No longer qualify

[Elphanigh]

It is really validating to hear that  I am worried as I have never talked to anyone about taking that step away before. It is something I truly never imagined

[Blueberry]

I've taken steps away before too. If I hadn't then I'd have been working on myself non-stop since about 1990. Now, if you get a T who says it's time you took a break, as I have had, I'd be careful of that, but if you feel it yourself and in addition like you it's that you want to live a little, then as I said "Totally! With you all the way on that."                   

I think stepping away for a while just to live is part of healing too. ime when I stepped away and just lived, I was integrating my new-found healing into as much of my being as possible. I was making tentative little healthy paths into main roads in my brain, for example. Also finding out what still needed addressing sometime in T.

btw I also echo Kizzie from way up thread in saying that of course you are still welcome here! 

[Elphanigh]

Blueberry that is super validating, thank you    I do feel like stepping away would integrate so much stuff. It would be nice to get the chance to do that and just live a little.

I am even more glad to hear you confirm I do still have a place here. This is a safe space and I certainly never want to lose that 

[LilyITV]

Elphanigh, one thing I've been wondering about....I've been undergoing therapy for a few months now and I'm seeing progress, but sometimes I feel concerned that it all feels so mechanical.  It doesn't come naturally to me.   I have to think about what emotions I'm feeling.  I have to think about whether I'm having a flashback.  I have to use DEARMAN whenever I need to ask someone for something.  Being aware of my inner and outer critics.
Think about whether I'm responding to my emotions or reacting, etc, etc. etc.   

Have you gotten to the point where all of this comes more naturally to you or do you still have to put in a lot of energy thinking it all through?

[Elphanigh]

That is a great question. I felt very mechanical and honestly really struggled with it like that for a long time. I do find that now it comes more naturally. I am aware of my feelings almost automatically most of the time, and it is a reflex to take a moment to assess what I am feeling if I am not sure. Being aware becomes a reflex when practiced I think.

That being said, it is not always perfect.. not ever close. I don't want to say I have arrived by any means, but it does really seem to get more natural and easier. For me, it happened gradually and I did not really notice it until my therapist or safe people would mention the change to me.

Hope that helps.

[LilyITV]

Thanks!  Seems practice makes perfect.  It's very encouraging that even though you don't think you are completely "there" that you have progressed enough where things are feeling more natural.

[Elphanigh]

I am glad that is encouraging!  I am not sure I will ever feel like I am "there". Maybe that is possible, but I think it is always possible to heal or grow more, especially with all that I have been through. I don't know though, maybe there will be a moment where I am just "there"? Not sure if it exists or not but if it ever does I will certainly write about it. For now celebrating what progress I do make.