Lost time

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johnram

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Lost time
« on: March 23, 2019, 11:14:44 AM »
I find the fact i have lost so much time, initially through addictions and avoidant behaviour, and laterly through depression and battling through recovery that it makes me sad and angry often.  Just the lost opportunity, the lost potential and the lost chances of normalcy.

however i do feel like i have learnt more, and feel i am a more wise than others through all this but apart from say in our community i dont know how this plays out in society etc, people dont generally relate or understand, and this makes me feel behind / have missed milestones and that normal life

e.g.  wish i had the courage to be more adventurious, but with my still highly active flight or fight response, this isnt likely to happen anytime soon

anyway, its a bit of a rant, but i am keen to hear how others have come to terms with this aspect, as i feel it sometimes slows me down and my progress

thank you all and best wishes


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notalone

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Re: Lost time
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2019, 06:41:16 PM »
  wish i had the courage to be more adventurious
Understand that and the other feelings regarding lost time. The awful fear is so often present in the simplest of tasks and situations.

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Blueberry

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Re: Lost time
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2019, 09:55:12 PM »
Seen from the outside, I've lost lots of time - decades. I seem to be able to accept this though. There are other seemingly much milder problems in life which send me reeling e.g. when I drop back to criticising myself for not being able to work in the normal workforce, or when I feel like a burden on society. Various things about these two situations trigger me into an Emotional Flashback, whereas the "lost time" topic doesn't and so I assume that's why it's easier for me.

What triggers an Emotional Flashback depends on what all led to the trauma. Triggers are very individual in cptsd. I may need to come to terms with things you don't and vice versa. So it's hard to say specifically what helps.

I sometimes do EFT to help me with self-acceptance. My therapist taught me it but there are Youtube videos of it.

Many of us on here feel really supported by the works of Pete Walker. See here e.g. for Shrinking the Inner critic, which could help http://pete-walker.com/shrinkingInnerCritic.htm

btw welcome to the forum :wave:

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Rainagain

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Re: Lost time
« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2019, 01:11:47 AM »
Interesting thread.

I think about this too.

For me it's another loss, another thing that has been taken from me.

It's not the most painful as it is a gradual process but I notice it.

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johnram

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Re: Lost time
« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2019, 10:38:56 AM »
However, and i should have said at the front, i think there is a lot of lessons learnt and growth obtained on this journey, say wisdom even that i am grateful.  I really get how life works, how the processes of childhood, parenting and society interact at a deep level as i had to read history and had to read psychology to get a sense of myself also

just wish i could maybe monetise that in a manner , and make the most of life going forward

thank you for rambling with me


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woodsgnome

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Re: Lost time
« Reply #5 on: March 24, 2019, 04:14:34 PM »
My rambles around time issues tend to get stuck on procrastination, where I wonder so much about the future and ruminate so intensely about the past that I forget the present, which is the time that seems to count the most. I sense this is fed by fear -- of rejection, imperfection, and other feelings stemming from unworthiness and hopelessness. At least it seems fluid enough that I can still work to change it (in the present and moving forward).

Years ago, I deliberately sought out this way of living with built-in relaxation all around me, especially in the form of nature but also in the ambiance of my house. It's like I was/am addicted to peace at all costs. Interestingly, some of the procrastination fell away during my desperate search for peace.

That's great, really -- albeit the self-isolation can catch up and dominate the thought patterns on the most peaceful days, as if the old habitual tension can't wait to build back in. At night I'm very prone to fall into frets instead of absorbing the magic of the woods, the howls of the coyotes, hoots of the owls, etc. Then I give in and ruminate about the past again, hear voices putting me down, etc. Okay, but then it's like the fear enters that void and there goes that time. And for humour, ye olde self-critic can chime in with inane commentary like 'you should be more peaceful than this; what's wrong with you!'

Or does time go anyplace? Perhaps it's just another of those societal quirks or even illusions as some cultures consider it. And in my case, I've taken to realizing that I need to remember better -- and sort out what I remember. Meaning -- remember to stay present to the hard-won peace I built myself towards. Yes, the old stuff will come by, but perhaps I can better re-member (sometimes I  call this 're-framing'). I can remember to let those troubles float by, revealing yet again the new 'now' moments; which aren't off in some future time but are with/in me, right now, at this very moment in or out of what passes for time.


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johnram

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Re: Lost time
« Reply #6 on: March 24, 2019, 04:48:39 PM »
My rambles around time issues tend to get stuck on procrastination, where I wonder so much about the future and ruminate so intensely about the past that I forget the present, which is the time that seems to count the most. I sense this is fed by fear -- of rejection, imperfection, and other feelings stemming from unworthiness and hopelessness. At least it seems fluid enough that I can still work to change it (in the present and moving forward).


Feel this, and trying to move past it now, although very frustrating as its been my default for years

your escape to the woods is sometimes what after, but i also get scared of the lack of distraction and sitting with my mind

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BeHea1thy

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Re: Lost time
« Reply #7 on: March 30, 2019, 03:20:55 PM »
hello johnram,

Your feelings of anger and sadness are very familiar. It can be like quicksand. Two things I am doing; one intentional, one not. The first is a zealous (maybe overzealous)  investment in the present and in academic learning. I'm able to audit college courses free by virtue of my age. But even if that's not true for you, I feel immersion in non-recovery related, healthy social settings and activities helps balance out that incessant whispering of lost time. I have given myself permission to diverge from my cherished goals of household organization. Incredibly, by concentrating on other pursuits, a by product IS being organized.  :blink:

I'm also acutely aware of the fact my remaining time is not open ended and so spending it mentally wisely is worthwhile.

The unintentional behavior is role modeling, and using myself as an example for the younger set. The way I do this is primarily with grandchildren, but I also am in class with 18-20 year olds 3 times a week. I don't go into the courtyard to vape, come to class prepared, and engage by eye contact and smiling. When opportunities show up, I encourage the heck out of people who need it most, and where I spent too much time....feeling lost, forlorn, invisible and hopeless.

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Rainagain

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Re: Lost time
« Reply #8 on: April 06, 2019, 10:39:14 AM »
Woods

Addicted to peace at all costs....

Yes. Exactly.

I have isolated from people who disturb my peace, I have verbally and physically fought others.

I hadn't realised the motive was to protect peace but that is what it is.

It's all I have left really, if the world has caused so much harm push it away and keep it away.

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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: Lost time
« Reply #9 on: April 11, 2019, 04:30:35 PM »
Absolutely and to feel the lost chances and feel anger seem healthy to me. For me it's when it tips into self pity I have to watch.. It helps me to think that this is the life I've been given, many have it and have had it much worse than I.
Looking at our achivements and resilience is helpful. I've achieved a great deal and had so many good life experiences in spite of.
In terms of comparing myself to others I don't now... I've got a condition that has and does affect my cognition and addictions have been a major part of my history. I function at my best level and sometimes that it low and that is OK. I have a disability but I'm more than that disability. I'm a survivor and I'm proud of myself if people don't understand I'm glad for them they don't..
This community here has been a rock. For me over several years and I'll be forever grateful.
Having said all this... I don't currently work and to have a roof and food with extra disability money is so good. I know for me when I'm 'out there' in the working world it can be harder to feel less upset especially in the wrong job...