Returning after taking a break from work

[johnram]

For years i have been working from a fear perspective, my flight or fight response on hyper drive, overthinking comments by bosses and taking it home with me, and waking up thinking about work.  It got worse last year such that now, i have taken some time away from work, to do some EMDR and to just rest a bit. 

Its been very helpful but i am now considering starting a job search after being off for 3 months, and it really bothers me as i want to change career, or do something with more meaning, but feel trapped by jobs done before and the money question. 
I managed to earn fairly well but it was at the cost of triggering my mental and physical health over many years, and the stress and anguish just doesnt seem worth it anymore, but, i dont want to feel not as valuable

trying to manage this anxiety and work out how best to approach life now, as i feel from a work standpoint, i have lost a lot of confidence, even though my performance is higher than others as is my workrate, i am too negative

anyway, this is a bit of a ramble now, but hope others can read between the lines and offer some thoughts

[Three Roses]

i have lost a lot of confidence, even though my performance is higher than others as is my workrate, i am too negative

This sounds a bit like maybe your inner critic (ICr) is working overtime. You may want to read this and see if it applies to you:

http://pete-walker.com/shrinkingInnerCritic.htm

Also, it's pretty common for us to push ourselves in areas like work where we feel pressure to perform at the expense of our mental and physical health. Sometimes it may be better to take a lower paying job that is more personally rewarding for us, than to exhaust ourselves in order to make a higher wage.

[Not Alone]

Sometimes it may be better to take a lower paying job that is more personally rewarding for us, than to exhaust ourselves in order to make a higher wage.

Currently, I am "underemployed" part-time and even that is stressful because of where I am at in my healing journey. It can be difficult to work when dealing with CPTSD. Hope you find a balance that works for you with minimal stress.

[johnram]

i have lost a lot of confidence, even though my performance is higher than others as is my workrate, i am too negative

This sounds a bit like maybe your inner critic (ICr) is working overtime. You may want to read this and see if it applies to you:

http://pete-walker.com/shrinkingInnerCritic.htm

Also, it's pretty common for us to push ourselves in areas like work where we feel pressure to perform at the expense of our mental and physical health. Sometimes it may be better to take a lower paying job that is more personally rewarding for us, than to exhaust ourselves in order to make a higher wage.

thank you for that, and i agree to the taking a more rewarding job, but currrently finding navigating decision making complicated given my inbuilt need to look after others than myself seeming to dominate the thought process of choice, i cant sense what is really my desire and what i have accumulated through my trauma now, anyway i think and feel i am navigating it