Looking for a therapist

[Oscen]

I'm searching for a therapist who can understand C-PTSD.

I had a first session with a therapist who I felt very validated by when I discussed my family environment. However, I felt she talked too a bit too much and often misunderstood me, especially when I made a comment that I felt uncomfortable having my body reactions observed - it wasn't intended to be a criticism of her, but just saying how I responded to it. She seemed.. hurt/offended? but said thank you for the feedback, etc. I felt uncomfortable because although she said the right things, her response didn't seem honest. She then sort of summarised what I had said, but I didn't think it was quite what I meant. I didn't want to comment again because I felt like she was already making a bigger deal out of something that I hadn't intended as a big deal. I also was a bit put out by how she handled payment.

It wasn't terrible but it didn't feel quite right, so I won't keep going to sessions with her. However, I don't relish the thought of having to keep looking for the right therapist. I really would just like to start therapy already, as I'm oversharing with friends etc too much.

A few years ago, I had 18 months of therapy with an institute that trains therapists, so it was great for the low prices, but I had to change therapists every six months or so. I really connected with the first therapist but after that, I didn't feel I bonded with the others. I wonder if this experience is making it harder to bond with a new therapist?

I contacted the therapist who I really connected at the institute with but she has moved about 2 hours away from me now and so I could only get Skype sessions - not good with trauma work. She was the one who had suggested the new therapist I saw recently, so I almost feel like I've burned any bridges I had with her anyway.

Does anyone have suggestions for how to find a good therapist? The thought of "shopping around" and having to reveal myself each time is galling. I don't know if I'm being oversensitive, but I'm trying to trust my gut and find something that feels right.

[Blueberry]

She was the one who had suggested the new therapist I saw recently, so I almost feel like I've burned any bridges I had with her anyway.

imho if your original good therapist is a competent, knowledgeable one, she won't have any bad feelings about your decision not to continue with the T she recommended. She should know that it has to be a good fit and no matter how good a T may be, this T may not be the correct one for you.

You say it didn't "feel quite right", so I encourage you to trust your feelings! In fact it seems there are quite a few points where you're not happy.

I can relate to feeling like you just want to start therapy already and not have to look around for another one. I've been with the same good T for a number of years now but I had been looking on and off for several years before I found him. I know how dispiriting always looking can be. I also have experience with progress backwards / retraumatisation with the wrong T.

Unfortunately I don't have suggestions for finding a good fit faster. However if you're worried about oversharing with friends, this forum is a place where you can write instead. That might help reduce the internal pressure and not overshare.

Starting a Recovery Journal here https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=61.0 might help? In a Journal you can do longer posts than normal and write whatever without thinking what board it belongs on.

[Kizzie]

What about trying therapy via Skype and see how it goes?  Most of us don't trust easily and find it really difficult to let our guard down so if you feel comfortable with her it might be worth giving it a try. Also, it's probable she will understand you weren't comfortable with the T she recommended b/c it's a reality of her profession that T's and clients are not always a good fit. 

[Oscen]

Thank you for your replies, Kizzie & Blueberry.

Yes, it's my low self-esteem/flight impulse telling me that I've "burned my bridges" with my original therapist, not my adult thinking brain. I haven't made contact with a lot of other therapists but it has been highlighting the value of feeling at ease with and having a strong bond with a therapist. If I feel I already have that with her, it's worth trying a few sessions, even by Skype. I will email her and give it a try.

[Blueberry]

  for many things in this post! You realised it's your flight impulse, really fast too ime. (It can take me days to figure out what's going on). And you're going to try Skype with your old T. Good luck! I hope she's amenable to the suggestion.

[Kizzie]

    I hope it goes well Oscen