Is therapy necessary?

[MarieKT]

          I am curious to see others' opinions of a particular issue. Do you guys think therapy is necessary for a person with c-ptsd to live a relatively normal life?
           I haven't been in therapy for about 8 years or so. There were times when I thought about going back, but I suppose only because I realized I had problems, and not because I believed therapy would actually help. It never did seem to help, just seemed to exacerbate my problems by focusing on them.
              I definately haven't solved my problems on my own, but I try to be at least self reflective of my actions. Over time, I have become more suspicious of doctors and more inclined to just rely on myself. This definitely doesn't always work out. Oftentimes, I feel like I'm just putting a baidaid on a really gruesome wound, but I feel like ultimately I might be able to just do that until my life is over.
           It's also difficult sometimes for me to see myself as someone who had a traumatic childhood. I just feel constantly like I'm making it worse than it was or that I'm simply weak.  I think this is especially true because the abuse was primarily  emotional. I feel like I am just exaggerating what happened and ruminating on it.
            I suppose my question is, do you think it's neccessary for a person to have therapy in which they discuss the nature of their abuse? Or, is it redundant? Is a person who has experienced trauma simply holding on to it by talking about it with a therapist? I feel like we're all just trying to get by, in a universal sense, and that I can quite possibly make it to the end of my life without having to delve into the past.

[Rainagain]

I feel the same way.

Years since I had any treatment just rely on myself.

But, I did have someone say that counselling a while back did seem to help me, though I hadn't noticed it.

Meds and therapy probably are a good thing, but I'm ungrateful I guess, they don't seem to make enough of a difference and I find that disappointing, like another mini betrayal.

[woodsgnome]

All I know is that I'd be floundering without the input of my current therapist. I also come from a very idiosyncratic go-it-alone background and have swung from being almost anti-therapy at one point to considering it an important aid for my trip out of *.

Finally acknowledging that therapy might be a useful part of my recovery toolkit, I tried a series of T's with whom I was unable to obtain adequate help. Not all therapy is equal, I discovered. While I've read and studied exhaustively on my own, and live what I consider to be a way conducive to my healing, it can also be a lonely slog without some outside input and/or support system. Then about 3 years ago I did meet up with a T who fits my needs better.

Having a therapist allows another voice into the process of recovery. This can be crucial when there is no one else around, as in my case. It's important that the T works with my needs, as someone whose creativity and expertise enables her to skillfully help finding means by which I can hopefully find my own path through.

In the end it's the client who also needs to put in their own work and not rely on the T as a sort of magician who will provide someone with the sure answer to all one's ills. Therapy isn't a product, it's a process; whether it's achieved alone or with the help of a T. While formal therapy isn't a panacea on its own, it can provide some much-needed direction and support for those who find it useful.

Therapy is an individualistic pursuit, isn't perfect and doesn't work the same for everyone in equal measure. It can, however, help in circumstances that are hard to pull through otherwise.

[Kat]

I know I wouldn't be nearly as far along in the healing process as I am if I did not have a competent therapist on my side. 

But, you asked more specifically whether it's necessary for a person to have therapy in which they discuss the nature of their abuse.  That I'm not so sure of.  I know there was a good amount of the 14 years of therapy I've had so far where I was going over and over different aspects of the abuse, but I was gaining more and more insight each time.  (This was mostly having to do with a mother suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder and attempting to see how abnormal and damaging her treatment of her children was.) And then there was a long time in which I was gaining new clues about sexual abuse that I have no conscious recollections of.  And then it was like we knew enough.  There simply was no more need to go back and revisit the abuse.  Indeed, my therapist began to ask me to resist "going there" when it started to appear to be simply re-traumatizing and no longer helpful.

I have a sister who does not want to revisit any of the abuse.  She sees a therapist.  She doesn't tell me a lot, but she has mentioned in the past that she doesn't discuss the past a lot with her therapist.  They're going about things through a different route, and that works for her.

In addition to a psychotherapist, I see a somatic-experiencing therapist.  She had made it absolutely clear that we do not need to rehash the abuse or have me re-experience it in any way.  She does a lot of hands-on body work to support me.  Our work is mostly about me learning check in with my body and listen to what it's telling me.  She's getting me to trust that my emotions won't kill me while also getting my autonomic nervous system back in balance. 

I think it all comes down to how you want to approach things.  There are plenty of different modalities to choose from.  I know lots of folks get help though EMDR.  I haven't explored that option. I think you should trust yourself to know what is most helpful to you.

Best of luck.

[Kizzie]

Is a person who has experienced trauma simply holding on to it by talking about it with a therapist?

IMO it's the opposite - if we try to suppress it, it stays with us.  If we bring it to the surface, process it and integrate it, it tends to decrease in terms of the degree to which it is debilitating. That's where (again IMO) an experienced trauma T can be helpful (i.e., to guide and support).

[Three Roses]

IMO it's the opposite - if we try to suppress it, it stays with us.  If we bring it to the surface, process it and integrate it, it tends to decrease in terms of the degree to which it is debilitating. That's where (again IMO) an experienced trauma T can be helpful (i.e., to guide and support).

  Totally agree.

[MarieKT]

Thanks for the replies. I don't feel like I'm necessarily surpressing the details of what happened. I can actually relay them back to another person with no emotion. I have actually done this with a therapist, but it didn't really make me feel any better. I'm not sure if this has to do with the fact that I was born into this situation and there was no before to reference.  It seems, that because there was no 'before,' there really is no 'me'  devoid of these traumatic incidents. It seems that some of the stranger aspects of my personality are just mine now. I've also finally realized that therapy also takes effort on my part, and I've never really been willing to do that, not in effective ways at least. Another key element I seem to be missing is the ability to trust and be honest, I do not possess the ability to trust a paid stranger. I have a hard enough time trusting the people closest to me! 

[Kizzie]

I don't feel like I'm necessarily surpressing the details of what happened. I can actually relay them back to another person with no emotion. I have actually done this with a therapist, but it didn't really make me feel any better.

Just my thoughts but not feeling the emotion associated with your trauma is a form of suppression (i.e., numbing).  Perhaps you're not quite ready to feel and talking here is your way of preparing yourself. Many of us find it's less stressful to talk here b/c it's anonymous, members "get it" and you can take your time, go at your own pace.

[Kat]

Following up on what Kizzie said.  I mentioned in my post that I revisited certain events multiple times and gained a different insight each time.  At first, I would relay an event much as I would relay a breakfast order at a diner--no emotion attached.  Each time, however, I got closer to the emotion of it until I finally could grieve it, feel its full impact, and move on.

[MarieKT]

I definately think that I am totally uncomfortably with emotions, others and my own. Even after 4+ years with the last therapist, I never so much as cried or really ever came close. With my best friend, I could show emotion like that, but not someone paid. I understand, in a vague way, how I felt at the time these traumatic things happened, but  I can't really connect with myself at that age. i feel some sadness for what might have been, but that's about the end of my feelings towards my childhood. I kind of just want to forget about it and move on, which is, I believe, at times, possible. At other times it's admittedly not, and I feel really damaged by it. I felt like this very intensely during the last time I was in therapy; hopelessly * up, like I would never be alright just by myself. I feel more competent, as a person, when I rely mostly on myself. As I get older, I become more reclusive and less inclined to seek medical advice, of any kind. I actually haven't had a regular doctor in  about 10 years. I do appreciate forums like these, since I don't really talk about these issues anywhere else!

[Kizzie]

Whatever path makes the most sense to you and in your own time Marie 

[LilyITV]

For me it was necessary.  I never would have been able to make sense of why I am the way I am without some outside help.  I think finding the right therapist is also key.  I really lucked up with mine.  I didn't do much research at all and ended up with someone I have a great rapport with and who also pushes me beyond my comfort zone when she feels I am ready. 

[johnram]

I felt very similar,  and after a therapist who i felt wasnt very good, but i didnt know better ... she specifically told me, "addictions are like closing a box" - very unhelpful

i think, there are a lot of therapists who try and fix complex things that they arent trained for....

however, feeling at a lost end, and having now started EMDR, i have a bit more faith in trauma focused therapists

[Patticake]

 I have tried therapy many different times through the years. I even went to group therapy for a while. My most recent T is the one who diagnosed Cptsd. You could have knocked me over with a feather when she gave me that diagnosis. I was so happy to finally have a "name" for what I had. I was in a very bad way when I first began seeing this T. She was helpful, but I wasn't able to take in all she was saying to me. Even going to therapy stressed me out.

After about 6 months, I started EMDR with her. I had 10 treatments which left me thoroughly exhausted for a few days after each treatment. I believe the EMDR re-traumatized me somewhat. I can't honestly say it helped much. After 2 yrs, I stopped seeing T as I didn't think it was helping me. I am a convincing people-pleaser & felt that I was more concerned with making her happy with the progression of my treatment than I was. The complexity of Cptsd can make you unsure if T is actually helping you or not. I don't miss it. I found it hard to stay on track with her sometimes. I don't believe I was really ready for therapy at that time.
I read books she recommended, did my own research online & that's where I am today. But, I will go back if I feel it is necessary. No hard, fast rules here.

Marie, I think only you have the answer to whether to go it alone or not. You can always try it again & see what happens. 8 yrs is a long time, & you may do quite well with a T now. I understand being suspicious of medical help, also. I worked for a private physician for 30 yrs & referred hundreds of people to therapists. Some continued in therapy for many, many years with not much, if any, resolution to their problems. Imo, medication did more for the patients than therapy.

Best wishes in whatever you decide to do. Sending  warm wishes your way. Thank you for posting