Changing my old default behaviour (inaction)

[johnram]

Hi all,

maybe this will be a rant, but my intention is a question please - how i move on from a default of  - being stuck / inaction / fulfillng others needs?

For many years now i have been addicted and depressed, and that was due to childhood traumas / abuses that are understood and worked through somewhat and still in therapy (EMDR).

Now i was hoping to shift gears as things started to lift, but i still feel stuck by my default behaviours of wasting time - online, tv, eating badly and then they take the day or evening, leaving me with less energy and the bad cycle starts

however once i get going i have a lot of energy, but my default position from many years is still the above, and it bothers me and sometimes scares me that it hasnt shifted and it lurks, as i am in it just now.  I know i need to go to the gym, it spikes my moods and ability to act so strongly, but i havent gone and i am wasting time.     

I want to understand others experiences, how they keep themselves going and being more

I want a better default position

thoughts?

thanks

[Kizzie]

Coming here and beginning to question why you have default behaviours is actually a good place to start Johnram.  A lot of us here want things to change over night, but it just takes time to work through trauma and learn healthier behaviours. I wanted to "rip the bandaid off" but it doesn't seem to work that way b/c I (and most others here) have developed ways of protecting ourselves from the full force of the trauma we endured.

We're also prone to perfectionism and setting the bar much too high so that it seems out of reach and we feel defeated almost before we even start - fuel for our Inner Critic. There's a good article by Pete Walker that speaks to this  here -  http://pete-walker.com/shrinkingInnerCritic.htm.

[Blueberry]

I agree with Kizzie on coming here and beginning to question is a good place to start.

Inaction is one of my default positions too. I consciously decided on it when I was about 11 or 12 years old. Decades ago. So it's not easy to 'get rid of'.

ime healing doesn't happen all in a rush. Two steps forward, one step back.

I try to forgive myself for "wasting time". Shaming and blaming myself doesn't help at all.

[johnram]

Thank you, thats what i struggle with, forgiving myself and getting angry with slowness

[Kizzie]

Well you're in good company here that's for sure