Cycle of NPD Abuse

[Kizzie]

I am in low contact with my NPD M and have asked that she not pass on news of my B and his family or extended family unless someone is really ill or there has been a death.  She doesn't pass much on directly, but my son lives in the same city as her and she fills him in whenever she see's him, knowing he will pass the news along. If you grew up or live with someone who has NPD, you'll know they are great at finding a way around things.

Last weekend they went out for a celebratory meal as our S just passed his defense of his Master's thesis. She grabbed the stage as soon as she could, filling his ear with the drama and crisis in my NPDB's family.  My B's daughter just had another baby with another father - not married or living with either of the F's, and apparently child services had to get involved. 

I just feel so angry and sad hearing this b/c my B and his ex-wife adopted her and two siblings, seemingly 'rescuing' them from a bad situation with their biological parents (both addicts), and then subjected them to NPD abuse and a messy breakup. The children never had a chance and didn't have a single healthy role model and/or positive influence in their lives so the cycle continues.   

My H and I were also angry b/c the meal out was supposed to be about our son.  We reiterated how proud we are of him and talked a bit about how those with NPD live for crisis and that it blots out the good things.  He seemed to be ok with it but we are none too pleased.

So grateful to have interrupted the cycle in our little family, but just hate when it manages to spill over into our lives and that it has transferred to my B's adult children. 

[AncientSoul]

One of the most difficult things to deal with, is being an empath, victim or both and seeing how someone with NPD can change, so skillfully, any topic towards themselves. Also witnessing youngsters becoming enmeshed in the web NPD abuse is heartbreaking.

Congratulation's to your S with the thesis! The spotlight will shine many times for that great accomplishment! There is much to keep that pride alive.

AncientSoul

[Kizzie]

Tks Ancient Soul, NPD is the gift that keeps on giving unfortunately.  As I said, glad we have been able to interrupt the cycle in my family of choice and that I can refuse the gift from my family of origin.  I just wish my B's children were able to do the same thing.  Because we are not in contact I have no idea if they realize what they are dealing with.  I am tempted to send them something about the trauma of having NPD parents. 

[Blueberry]

As I said, glad we have been able to interrupt the cycle in my family of choice and that I can refuse the gift from my family of origin.