[Kizzie]

I question whether I’m making too big a deal of my symptoms, but then other times I realize that they really are crushing me.

IME unfortunately we don't make nearly enough of our symptoms until they do start to crush us.  It is a big decision so    for you Saylor.

[Bix]

I was struck by your list of accommodations, as I have also put together such a list! 

Have you seen the new workplaces for people on the Autism spectrum??  It looks like HEAVEN.  I would love to work in this kind of work environment.   A past therapist actually "diagnosed" me with Autism, but she was just misreading dissociation and flooding in therapy. 

I do sometimes wonder if there isn't a way I couldn't qualify for workplace disability needs.   There is a young man in my office building (arts related)  that is Autism special needs, and because of that, he has a closed in, sound controlled space.   

[saylor]

I figured I might as well bring this full circle and check back in to say that I ended up retiring (at an "early" age) from the workforce. It's because I believe I can't do a good job and be at peace with the demands of a full-time position, with my symptoms raging as they have been for so long. Plus I've started to wonder what the point of working even is, if life is so unbearable. Really, it's impossible to rationalize. Still, it has been a very difficult decision, and I keep wondering if I'll regret it eventually (like when I run out of money), but it has gotten to the point where I'm not sure I even have a choice anymore. So... done deal.
I'm so angry and sad. I hate what has happened to my life. I'm probably going to go out somewhere where no one can hear me and scream bloody murder until I run out of oxygen.
Thanks for listening. This forum continues to help (and I feel guilty about not having participated a lot recently--things have just been  That...  Bad...  )

[Kizzie]

I'm sorry to hear you were more or less forced to leave b/c of your CPTSD symptoms Saylor. I felt like I didn't have much of a choice when I retired either, I just didn't have the energy to deal with CPTSD and work.

I hope you find a lovely private place out in the country somewhere to scream it out and then sit and breath in the fresh air, listen to the birds singing, feel the warm sun on your face ......   

[saylor]

That's beautiful, Kizzie. Thank you