Introduction - Trigger Warning

[neenerd]

My trauma started in my mom's womb. She tried to kill herself (talk about abandonment issues!).  My dad was a textbook narcissist with a big temper. I grew up in a state of constant fight/flight.  My mom's boyfriend sexually abused me – not horribly – not rape, thank god, but still.... And I have vague memories of my dad and grandpa doing things that were not egregious, but also were not ok – bottom line, I have a lot of trust/safety issues around men. I became an A-type overachiever with anorexia. Straight As, all honors, always done well at work and people think I have my life together. They are constantly coming to me for advice. It's ironic.  Nobody, except my kids and my therapist, has any idea what's actually going on inside of me. They ask me how I am and I just say "I'm fine".

As a result of all the puzzle pieces of my life, I have various medical issues, and I am confused about which thing to treat/tackle. If I take meds for the anxiety, I gain weight, which interacts with my eating disorder, + I have an autoimmune disease (hashimoto's), etc. I could go on.

Happy to be part of a group of people that can hopefully relate....

[Kizzie]

Welcome to OOTS Neenerd  I added a trigger warning to your post b/c it's on the graphic side. It's best to warn members so they can choose to read or not. 

So sorry for all that you have endured, I can well imagine you have lived in constant fight/flight - besides the emotional toll it takes a physical one too as that's really hard the nervous system     There's a lot of info about both CPTSD symptoms and comorbidities (eating issues, chronic illnesses, etc) so have a look around and of course keep on posting 

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum Neenerd! 

[Three Roses]

Welcome, neenerd! I also have Hashimoto's. And a lifetime of abuse! I'm glad you're here. 

[neenerd]

Thanks Blueberry

[Not Alone]

Nobody, except my kids and my therapist, has any idea what's actually going on inside of me. They ask me how I am and I just say "I'm fine".

Happy to be part of a group of people that can hopefully relate....

Welcome to a place where you don't have to put on a mask. 

[MoonBeam]

Welcome neenerd. I haven't been here long myself, but these boards and folks here have offered so much--a feeling of a hand to hold in dark times, being understood and not alone in all of this. Plus it gives me hope to hear others share: vulnerabilities, struggles, tools for healing and victories. Being supported in recovery is so important.

Glad you found your way here.

[johnram]

Welcome with two big open arms.  Glad you are here. 
I can relate in many ways to your experiences. 

Its an ongoing journey, but i have found this and another forum my saving grace, i really have felt held and have learnt a lot by sharing and engaging. 

The world outside doesnt always understand and sometimes theapists dont either, this place, does

wishing you the utmost love and care for your ongoing journey