Not sure how to start

Started by truus, April 05, 2019, 01:50:01 PM

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truus

Hi,

I found this website and forum recently. I'm joining because I'm tired of feeling alone. I don't know where I'm at in healing, or how to move forward. I'm diagnosed CPTSD, severe depression, and generalized anxiety.

I've had ups and downs in dealing with my trauma. Right now I think I'm in a down. Just feel lately like there isn't any hope to solve some of my deeper issues, especially with some of the symptoms of CPTSD like memory loss and dissociation. It's like how do you fix things you can't even remember?

How do you know if you developed CPTSD in childhood or adulthood? This forum mentions this distinction.

Kizzie

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Truus, glad you found your way here  :heythere:   

You mentioned being diagnosed with CPTSD, are you in treatment?

QuoteHow do you know if you developed CPTSD in childhood or adulthood?

Most of us developed CPTSD as a result of ongoing abuse/neglect in our childhood, but some members were traumatized beginning in their adult lives - for example, their partner is/was abusive or they suffer(ed) ongoing sexual harassment in the workplace. So basically it's when the trauma started that led you to develop CPTSD.  When you're ready perhaps you can post a bit about your trauma.

Not Alone

Welcome to OOTS. I have found this site to be a place where I can listen to and get feedback and encouragement from others who are experiencing the challenges of living with C-PTSD. As you read posts on the site, I hope you will feel less alone, knowing there are others who have similar struggles. It took me a while to post, but when I did, others responded with compassion and understanding. 

truus

Quote from: Kizzie on April 05, 2019, 04:36:12 PM
Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Truus, glad you found your way here  :heythere:   

You mentioned being diagnosed with CPTSD, are you in treatment?

Thank you. I had been getting therapy for 3 years but relocated to another state and haven't found a new therapist since I got here about a year and a half ago. I have been going to a support group locally though for the last two months.

Now I understand what is meant by developing CPTSD in childhood or adulthood. For me, it was childhood. I didn't know it was CPTSD when I was going through the abuse throughout childhood, and when I got older I started to develop more and more symptoms like panic attacks and flashbacks and increasing isolation.

Boatsetsailrose

Truus
Welcome
I understand when we get in a down and it seems hope lives in another universe. I've been through these times and can't see how a part of my cptsd will get better.
Know this will pass.. I truly believe with all the resources available to us survivors that each part of trauma has a chance to heal at the right time. My understanding about memory issues is that things will reveal when the rest of us is in the right place for it to show...
Try to be gentle with yourself and know healing is taking place even when we are not aware of it as long as we attempt our best to be self kind and seek out and within for healing support

Kizzie

QuoteI didn't know it was CPTSD when I was going through the abuse throughout childhood, and when I got older I started to develop more and more symptoms like panic attacks and flashbacks and increasing isolation.

It's actually referred to as developmental trauma when referring to children and Complex PTSD for adults. Why this is so I'm not sure  :Idunno:   

Your path is similar to the one so many of us here have walked as we age - more symptoms, increasing isolation/ withdrawal, etc.  It just gets hard to carry on with the tasks of adulthood and manage the stress of the trauma, it eats up a lot of energy to be sure and the accumulation weighs down heavier and heavier until we can't suppress it any more and we have to find some ways of processing and integrating it.

Glad you found your way here and I hope you're able to locate a good T soon.  :yes: 

Oscen

Dear truus, welcome.

I have cPTSD developed in childhood too, but it took me a long time to realise.
Sharing stories and insights with people who can relate to me is really helping.

Please feel free to tell your truth.