Extreme Fear of Conflict

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plantsandworms

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Extreme Fear of Conflict
« on: April 18, 2019, 07:20:47 PM »
I have such an extreme fear of conflict with others and of being vulnerable that sometimes I feel like the only solution is to completely remove myself from society. I'm in my late 20s now and it feels like it's only getting worse as I age and the list of ways I have been mistreated grows longer. I'm really struggling to imagine a future for myself in which I don't feel this way until I die, and that's a pretty hopeless picture. I've been in therapy and it helps with a lot of things but not yet with this. I wish I could just wake up tomorrow and be a different person but I know that I can't, and I don't want to live this way forever. How do I begin to deal with my complete lack of self-esteem and my extreme social fears?

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Kizzie

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Re: Extreme Fear of Conflict
« Reply #1 on: April 19, 2019, 04:17:58 PM »
Unfortunately most of us with CPTSD don't have the skills other people do so we need to learn or relearn them. As a place to start, what about Googling managing interpersonal conflict and see what information/suggestions are available?  For example, here's just one that popped up and it seems to have a lot of quality info/suggestions -https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/conflict-resolution.html. 

You could also focus on the issue with a therapist so you learn how to manage it and feel better able to deal with it. 

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saturnine

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Re: Extreme Fear of Conflict
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2019, 07:28:50 PM »
I have the same fear, and I also avoid people to the point where I've nearly completely isolated myself because I can't deal with conflict. I think the missing piece, the thing that I'm missing is the inherent trust that I will be okay no matter what. If someone has an issue with me, that does not mean that I'm in danger physically, psychically, or even emotionally. It's a deeply learned response from childhood that I need to unlearn, but because I've cut myself off from society I'm worried I'll never get the chance to practice. The best thing I think I can do now is to just keep working on myself...keep developing trust in myself, trust that the world is a mostly benevolent place and things will work out. The more of an unshakeable inner self I build, the more I might be able to tolerate conflict, knowing it won't bowl me over as easily.