My journey ** TW graphic art**

[Ecowarrior888]

Trigger warning:my journey

[Kizzie]

These capture different aspects of CPTSD so well Ecowarrior -      I see in them a relentless Inner Critic, the real self emerging in recovery, and a warrior spirit.

[Three Roses]

Powerful! 👍♥️

[Not Alone]

Thank you for sharing those vulnerable, powerful pictures.

[RiverRabbit]

I like the depiction of breaking out of the person that they made you into... It is moving, and resonates with me, how exhausted the emerging person seems to be.

Very powerful art here.

[Ecowarrior888]

Thank you so much everyone, I really appreciate this. These images are hard for me to share, but each time, it is getting easier. Little by little I am coming to terms with my diagnosis... and that this is something I am probably going to have to deal with forever. It was 20 years....20 years of these phrases yelled at me repeatedly, beating my self-esteem and strength to the ground. But now 5 years later..... I am feeling closer to being that warrior. I just have to figure out how to be a person. Does that make any sense?

[RiverRabbit]

Ecco,
For me, my narcissist mother pretty much erased me... not sure who I am now.

Scary thing for me is... I think I am that inner child I have been trying to get a dialog (of sorts) with... and he is not pleasant.  Years of isolation, being buried, packed-down, ignored... all to be a better supply for the narcissist parent... does not leave him in a great place for trusting anything enough to allow a connection to be formed.

... and, if that is who I really am, under all of this armor... I am not sure I want to be that person.

[Ecowarrior888]

I get that. I struggle with that too RiverRabbit. The person my father made me was submissive, and basically someone that became what he wanted. Even in regards to my career, he made me doubt my faith, and any decisions I made. Even what foods I liked.... which now I am like O.o mind boggled.

But little by little, I am figuring out what IIII want. Who is Eco? So far I've discovered, Eco likes to paint, likes to sing (struggles to share music though because I hear his voice constantly), I think I want to write children's books filled with hope.

Eco defines success different than my father did. My father believed in having money, trusting no one but yourself, no generosity or helping others (even though that is the opposite of what I am), having a Ph.D or Master's and a "good" job or status. Having kids by a certain age, being married to a particular person.
I see success differently. All that matters is that I am happy. Everyone I love is safe. Today is good and tomorrow is good because of the life I created for myself.

Eco does not want to be submissive to anyone ever again. I want to be an equal. Regardless of their ranking in my career.... I want to have the strength to fight back for what I believe in. Even if I can't do it verbally.... I do it through writing and through paper trails.

Here for you RiverRabbit you are not alone. Thank you so much for responding to me, you've helped me a lot today

[bluepalm]

And you've helped me a lot today with your powerful drawings. Thank you Eco.