Being stalked by abusive parent. Gaslighting. Deeply shaken.

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WideSargassoSea

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After days thinking I was imagining things and being paranoid, I woke up, opened my curtains, and saw my abusive parent sitting on a wall right in front of the window staring at me meters away.

I started shaking immediately. Its my worst fears. There was possible sexual abuse, certainly inappropriate actions, along with emotional neglect when I was a child by her.

I got my camera and filmed her then went out to confront her and to get evidence I can hopefully use to report this. She admitted she was stalking, said she could do what she liked, and even tried all the gaslighting tricks. Claiming all the abuse was in my head, saying I'd be sorry for this one day.

Makes me feel sick and unclean just to write this. I called the police station and reported it but it meant an hour of going into painful past abuse, and now I have to go to the station next week to go into even more detail. Im dreading it-worse, I guarantee it will amount to nothing. No action from them.

I feel angry and frustrated and shaken and upset and sickened and violated.

I'd appreciate if anyone reading this just let me know somehow that they've seen it. Whether by posting an emoticon of a wave or a hello or a comment or whatever. I just want to know Im not alone in having to deal with all this stuff.

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Deep Blue

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Re: Being stalked by abusive parent. Gaslighting. Deeply shaken.
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2019, 01:27:33 PM »
 :grouphug:

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woodsgnome

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Re: Being stalked by abusive parent. Gaslighting. Deeply shaken.
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2019, 01:40:42 PM »
 :wave:  :hug:

With you, for your safety and being able to take necessary steps.

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Blueberry

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Re: Being stalked by abusive parent. Gaslighting. Deeply shaken.
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2019, 01:48:04 PM »
  :aaauuugh: That's terrible behaviour from your abuser and obviously triggering, would be to any of us on here.

 :applause: on taking steps immediately, e.g. filming her and reporting her.

 We are here for you.  :wave:  :grouphug:

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Blueberry

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Re: Being stalked by abusive parent. Gaslighting. Deeply shaken.
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2019, 02:08:54 PM »
If you feel up to it, you might like information from people who have dealt successfully with stalkers. On our sister website Out of the Fog, there are posts on stalking fairly frequently and there are members who can advise well on what to do, how to set boundaries, how to deal with PDs (people with personality disorders - our abusers almost always have personality disorders, and if they don't, they're acting that way). 

Out of the Fog is a little different from OOTS. There are far more members over there and so sometimes more concrete information and you're sometimes more likely to find somebody who has been in your exact same position before: opened the curtains and there's the abuser  :aaauuugh: 

Here's one link that could be helpful. https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=79261.0 Of course you can search for others.

After having to go into all that description of abuse with the police, I wish you self-care in whatever form does you good, whatever makes you feel safe, or safer e.g. wrapping yourself up in a blanket. Here is a gentle hug :hug:, if it helps. If it feels too close, then it is a care symbol .

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Jdog

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Re: Being stalked by abusive parent. Gaslighting. Deeply shaken.
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2019, 03:05:41 PM »
I hear you, you are not alone.  That is truly horrible, sickening behavior.  You were right to go to the police, and I am sorry it hurts so much to keep dredging the episodes up so that there will be a record of them.  But confronting and reporting is very important, both to establish that this stuff is REAL and possibly get help to stop it.

You are very brave. :applause:

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Kizzie

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Re: Being stalked by abusive parent. Gaslighting. Deeply shaken.
« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2019, 03:26:09 PM »
So sorry your M is stalking you WideSargassoSea, it's sickening and abusive at any time but when it's a parent - just so hard and I can only imagine how shaken you are  :hug:   

FWIW I think getting it on film and reporting it to the police is important b/c you are creating a paper trail and that may prove helpful if you want to get a restraining order and/or take other legal action.

As BB suggests there are more people at Out of the Fog who deal with stalking so you may also get some good suggestions and support there.

 :grouphug: 


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Three Roses

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Re: Being stalked by abusive parent. Gaslighting. Deeply shaken.
« Reply #7 on: April 20, 2019, 05:37:23 PM »
Quote
FWIW I think getting it on film and reporting it to the police is important b/c you are creating a paper trail and that may prove helpful if you want to get a restraining order and/or take other legal action.

:yeahthat:

It's possible that the police may speak to her, too, which may discourage her from further attempts at contact. Cheering you on from the sidelines!  :cheer:

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notalone

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Re: Being stalked by abusive parent. Gaslighting. Deeply shaken.
« Reply #8 on: April 20, 2019, 07:47:26 PM »
How horrible. No wonder you feel angry, frustrated, shaken, upset, sickened and violated. And you were violated. You were so wise to film her and so courageous to call the police. I am proud of you. Is there someone you can bring with you next week when you go back to the police, to give you support?

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RiverRabbit

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Re: Being stalked by abusive parent. Gaslighting. Deeply shaken.
« Reply #9 on: April 24, 2019, 06:05:02 AM »
 :spooked:

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plantsandworms

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Re: Being stalked by abusive parent. Gaslighting. Deeply shaken.
« Reply #10 on: April 24, 2019, 03:08:16 PM »
WideSargassoSea, sending good thoughts your way. My M also stalks me (on and off for the past 6-7 years) and when it's actively happening I feel like my barest senses of safety and sanity are coming unglued and it's really hard to do anything but freeze. I had a very similar experience to yours in which I was asleep in my bed with the curtains partially open, and I woke up to her truck parked right outside my window and a note detailing how she watched me sleep. So frightening and horrible!!!

I have not had success with police reports or protection orders (although I hope that you do!), but something that has been absolutely essential for me is having a few brave local friends who are briefed on the situation who I can call when my M pops up and who aren't afraid to come over and act as advocates/witnesses/protectors. My M has always left quickly as soon as backup has arrived, and once I had friends stay with me for a week and she stayed gone for nearly a year. My M counts on me to be alone and frightened without resources so she can try to exert power and control, but if I can show that things have changed it seems that slows her down quite a bit. And slowly, my fear response when she pops up is becoming more mild and I'm hoping one day that I won't need the backup anymore because I can handle her myself (or more ideally, that she just stays gone forever).

It sounds like you are handling the situation well as well as anyone could, and I hope you are able to find support with the police in the courts because what you are experiencing is REAL and you shouldn't have to be experiencing it at all.

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Kizzie

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Re: Being stalked by abusive parent. Gaslighting. Deeply shaken.
« Reply #11 on: April 24, 2019, 05:55:21 PM »
How are you doing WideSargassoSea?

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CheshireCanary

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Re: Being stalked by abusive parent. Gaslighting. Deeply shaken.
« Reply #12 on: April 24, 2019, 08:56:45 PM »
It sounds like you handled the awful situation the best way possible  :cheer:, filming her, reporting the incident, and confronting her. So sorry you're having to deal with that. I have a seriously toxic mother so I can totally relate.

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WideSargassoSea

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Re: Being stalked by abusive parent. Gaslighting. Deeply shaken.
« Reply #13 on: April 26, 2019, 02:50:16 PM »
Hi everyone. Im feeling very overwhelmed right now. I thought I was doing okay at first after it happened, but in the days since, its really been having a huge impact on me. I feel unable to cope with the smallest things, feel a huge amount of anxiety even when just trying to rest, and am unable to get anything done. I really appreciated all the posts in response, as they helped me know I was not alone.

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Three Roses

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Re: Being stalked by abusive parent. Gaslighting. Deeply shaken.
« Reply #14 on: April 26, 2019, 03:35:53 PM »
We are with you! I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed, and maybe vulnerable. But we're here cheering you on! You can rise above it and step out of the role your mother wants you to fill for her, and find what and who you want to be.  :hug: ♥️