I’m a teacher with the worst internal dialogue

[Perry1216]

I was stalked by a former principal for a school year in order to punish the union. The union president even told me this (teaching) is what he thought I ought to be doing, just not there... the principal was just too good at professional assassination.

I'm tired of teaching. I'm tired of my inner critic and anxiety. I loved my new job for the past 3.5 years, but this current administration is a negative one. I feel devalued and they haven't even targeted me specifically because they don't give any attention to my department which is not a state testing subject.

How can I prop myself up without feedback? I feel alone. I have students who express appreciation. I have parents of students who do too. I have old reviews from our former principal who was a great instructional leader. Our current principal is no instructional leader.

I think I might need a new job, but I need letters of rec and I've been trying to get the former principal to do it. My department head straight up told me she interviewed for other positions and didn't get a letter in time. I know my old principal is busy and my new one is not supportive.

My inner critic is raging.

[Blueberry]

How can I prop myself up without feedback? I feel alone. I have students who express appreciation. I have parents of students who do too. I have old reviews from our former principal who was a great instructional leader.

One way to lower the volume on the Inner Critic is to concentrate on what good things somebody has said about you. Think about those students and what they've said, and what their parents have said and what the former principal said. That's a whole lot of people saying good things!

[Perry1216]

From Blueberry:
One way to lower the volume on the Inner Critic is to concentrate on what good things somebody has said about you. Think about those students and what they've said, and what their parents have said and what the former principal said. That's a whole lot of people saying good things!
[/quote]

You're right! My former principal finished my letter of recommendation and I feel so much better knowing she believes in me and that I could leave this job with such rude and demoralizing "managers" if I choose to.

I call them managers because the superintendent certainly chose staff who aren't instructional leaders and aren't building up their staff, just putting them down in various passive aggressive ways.

I do keep around screen shots and print outs of emails from parents who say thank you. I also was cleaning out my car and found little thank you notes and the occasional small holiday gift from a student that helps.

I have to ask some students before they graduate to write down the best parts of class and keep that somewhere I'll see it when I need it.

[Lillian]

Hi Perry1216! I'm a teacher too, and I also really struggle with my inner critic. I have a really supportive admin this year, but some awful parents (and a challenging class). I have tried to do everything I can to help two students in particular, yet their families consistently criticize everything I do. It's been really difficult this year because I'm struggling with not ever feeling "good enough" while doing way more than I really should be doing (perfectionism). Something I've been doing is saving kind notes from coworkers, parents, and students. I post them at my desk and on my fridge at home so that I am constantly reminded of the people who do appreciate me.
A couple of years ago, I worked in private education with a demanding and verbally abusive admin. It's really difficult to experience. I'm sorry you are going through this right now.
Anyway, from one teacher to another, I appreciate you 

[Three Roses]

(Sorry to interrupt - Lillian, I see this is your first post, so welcome!)

[Lillian]

Thank you, ThreeRoses!  I'm really glad I found this forum.

[Blueberry]

I also was cleaning out my car and found little thank you notes and the occasional small holiday gift from a student that helps.

 

[Tee]

Good luck! I'm a teacher as well and I actually left teaching for the time being and going back to school to school for a different persuit because I was tired of my states educational climate.  Finding an adminstration that's supportive is important. When that goes all the up to the state level it is shameful.😥

It is also important to know that if you are doing right by your students than that is all that matters.  I hope you find a good fit position.

You can't hate yourself because you don't get a pat on the back from the adminstration. Be the shining star your are what they see you or not. 🙂