Share Easter experiences

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Boatsetsailrose

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Share Easter experiences
« on: April 21, 2019, 11:09:23 AM »
Hello
I've Often found Easter tricky with feelings of loss. This Easter I made a conscious effort to be with others and its been helping. Easter was always quite a thing in my family of origin.
Today I've been to my church which I joined about 18mths ago and have got more involved in. A women there who is the senior steward is very kind and is my spiritual mentor if I need anything or am struggling. This women is a bit older than my mother but young for her age I like being around her and we get along and have fun too. On Friday she invited me to her home for lunch, we sat in the sunshine and she gave me some plants and really made me feel welcome and kept asking me if there was anything I needed. I was very touched. I've long wanted someone who could be a bit of a mother figure. Today at church she put her arm around me as we were singing and  the emotion came up in me a few tears were shed I felt the loss of not having a relationship with my mother (it doesn't make sense as the relationship was horrible but still blood is blood I guess.
The women at church seems good with her boundaries abs it doesn't feel dysfunctional. Maybe she feels it not having children and if she did have a daughter she would be about my age.
Today I feel grateful for people in my life who care.
I don't have it as much as I'd like maybe but I have it and am fortunate.. Some people don't.
Feel free to share your easter experiences here... Good or difficult sharing is so valuable for us

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Shearwater

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Re: Share Easter experiences
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2019, 12:58:20 PM »
Hello! Nice to read your post. It's good too be a part of a healthy church. Wish I was. I think it's natural to feel loss when you don't have a relationship to your mother. Loss of what could have been maybe. We all long for a good parent relationship, when we are kids we totally depend on it. Even when where older and adult, parents can be important. As my therapist said "we are all depending on someone to be there for us"

My relationship to my mother has been difficult this Easter. She's my fostermom, and I really love her. She's been there for me a lot. But still it's hard for me to keep the relationship close. I'm thankfull for everything she's given me, but at the same time so angry for everything I didn't get when I was a child. It's hard for us to talk about.
I've been so full of emotion this Easter. My mood can change in one second. Just one sentence, can make me feel rejected, misunderstood and alone  :Idunno:. Yesterday i stayed in my room for 10 hours, crying and feelt hopless. I tride many times to get up and out of my room. But just started crying again. My mom really tries to help me. Let me stay at here home with no expectations of me. Makes me dinner etc. Now after several outburst of emotions from me, she tries to talk to me as carefully as she can, not to trigger my emotions.

Now I feel a bit stupid for getting so angry at her this holiday  :doh:  I don't really remember everything that made me angry. I feel a lot of lack of empati and understanding from her. I know it's my cptsd who's talking a lot in my head, and I might be irrational. At the same time I know I was alone with my emotions when I grew up. No one helped me handle them. It's hard for me to forgive all of it. Right now I'm ok, the sun Is shining and I enjoy this moment of peace from my emotional rollercoaster.

Sorry if my English is incorrect. I'm from Scandinavia and this is my first post :-)
     

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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: Share Easter experiences
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2019, 02:52:42 PM »
Hi shear water thank you for sharing how it is for you this Easter.. I hear you and it helps me to not feel alone with this stuff.
The emotional roller-coaster is tricky some days hey and those emotions tell me things and what was or isn't and what I need. Ive just spoken to someone in my recovery programme and he really helped me process some emotions... Feeling less than can be in disguise for me and so to feel that and have ways to not buy into it is such a relief..
Compassion is really my best tool..
Glad u feeling the sun and getting some peace

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Shearwater

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Re: Share Easter experiences
« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2019, 04:36:58 PM »
Thank you for those kind words, Boatsetsailrose. Right you are, compassion is important. It helps to have someone tell me that, and remind me.
Often I just feel overwhelmed by my emotion. I really need to think of it more the way you do here. That emotions tell me things and what I need.

 

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Kizzie

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Re: Share Easter experiences
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2019, 04:57:19 PM »
Quote
Today I've been to my church which I joined about 18mths ago and have got more involved in. A women there who is the senior steward is very kind and is my spiritual mentor if I need anything or am struggling. This women is a bit older than my mother but young for her age I like being around her and we get along and have fun too. On Friday she invited me to her home for lunch, we sat in the sunshine and she gave me some plants and really made me feel welcome and kept asking me if there was anything I needed. I was very touched. I've long wanted someone who could be a bit of a mother figure. Today at church she put her arm around me as we were singing and the emotion came up in me a few tears were shed I felt the loss of not having a relationship with my mother...

What a lovely moment and feeling you've shared Boats, it warmed my day so thank you  :hug:

Quote
Today I feel grateful for people in my life who care.
 

Amen to that.  We all need more positive connections with people like your friend from church.   :yes:

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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: Share Easter experiences
« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2019, 07:06:05 PM »
Thank you both... Sending u my best wishes and gentle kindness for ourselves

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Not Alone

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Re: Share Easter experiences
« Reply #6 on: April 21, 2019, 08:32:25 PM »
At church, I felt a renewal of hope, as I focused on Jesus' resurrection. Also the feeling of joy and celebration as several people were baptized.

I (wisely as it has been a very challenging week) did not invite anyone over for Easter, so a lovely meal with my husband and children, with no pressure to have things clean or to have to entertain.

The weather is perfect and I just took the dog for a walk. It was wonderful to breathe in the fresh air and today I felt like emotionally I got a little reprieve from the difficult, overwheming feelings of the past.

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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: Share Easter experiences
« Reply #7 on: April 22, 2019, 09:25:16 AM »
That's good to hear not alone a reprieve is so joyous isn't it...
May many of those sofly fall

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Blueberry

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Re: Share Easter experiences
« Reply #8 on: April 22, 2019, 11:21:38 AM »
I felt that way at church too, notalone.  :)  Great self-care on your part not inviting anybody else over.

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Three Roses

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Re: Share Easter experiences
« Reply #9 on: April 22, 2019, 07:04:56 PM »
I attended our small church yesterday, that meets in the home of the pastor. I have felt a disconnect from God these last few years but yesterday's service was so beautiful and encouraging, and I feel like letting down some of my guard and entering in to a closer fellowship with these people. I've been watchful and wary up to now but I think this group is the real deal.

Thanks for starting this thread.  :hug:

(and a hearty welcome to Shearwater!)  :wave:
« Last Edit: April 22, 2019, 07:09:27 PM by Three Roses »

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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: Share Easter experiences
« Reply #10 on: April 24, 2019, 08:44:23 AM »
Lovely three roses.. Yes treading carefully to feel the way..
Finding the 'safe people and feeling the joy and love of the heart of God