How do I make my inner critic shut up?

[Boatsetsailrose]

Kizzie

So glad to hear where u are - made me happy reading it
And yes it makes perfect sense

[hypervigilante]

I see what you guys mean, it's such a tough battle between which parts of your inner critic come from your inner child's fear or protectiveness, and how harmful it can be when you so counter-intuitively want to reach in and help it.  Make it less angry.

The inability to get angry at our Ms or FOO, I think, is our protectiveness trying to save us, even if it's in a positive way.  We're so conditioned to repress and to resent our own emotions that the most obvious, most natural ones feel so out-of-place or impossible to practice.  This makes sense to me since it was probably among the first feelings we learned to squander.

To touch on this:

My T had me use tappers to talk to my protective side and ask her to wait quietly for me for a few minutes. (Instead of redirecting any negative thoughts into positive ones.)  I assured her that I heard her concerns that I might feel hurt, but that I wanted to hear from my hurt parts for a little as well.  I also promised the protector that if the hurt became too great, that I'd welcome her company again, but that it was going to be my choice to do so.

More to the point:

I don't know how to read the child and the critic sometimes.  I just kind of want to tap into the light deepest within- that calming, soothing voice that could calm my angry IC and give her what she needs, or is missing.  Sometimes she's so angry and so hurtful that she gets to me and I feel so hurt, I can't soothe her.  If anything, watching that process makes me empathize with my significant others who may have tried to console me in the past, but instead I breathed fire onto them.  Shutting out the chance to be there for me.  Is it possible that I don't even trust me to be there for me?

[samantha19]

I love the comic villian idea. Gonna try that   

[woodsgnome]

Samantha19 wrote: "I love the comic villian idea."

I'm reminded of a book I first read years ago, still in print, with lots of illustrations depicting its own comic villain--the gremlin. One of my faves from it was a drawing where an on-stage actor is bowing for an appreciative audience, but all the actor sees in the crowd is the grinning, sarcastic, slimy-looking gremlin's disapproval.

That sort of thing, along with a friendly commentary. It's fun to look at for a more lighthearted yet insightful approach to one of our more insidious inner characters (see below).

[Pieces]

My first breakthrough with the inner critic, and thoughts in general, happened when I realized that fighting thoughts is what gives them hold over you. It's what gives them power. It's the the principle of ''what you resist, persists''. Same goes for feelings. My greatest breakthrough was when I realized that thought's weren't who I am; thoughts are just thoughts.

Look at the voice of the inner critic for what it is; a thought. When you're looking at the thought there must be two different things; there's the thought and there's you; the one looking at the thought. If you give all your attention to the thought then that's all you experience. You forget that you're not the thought(s). Take a moment to look at the thoughts the thinking mind produces; thoughts come and go. You the one watching the thoughts. The biggest problem lies in being used to giving the thoughts all your attention. For a child the only way to escape itself is to be lost in thought, in trance, and not being present in life. If you never reversed this process you're probably still lost in thought and only experiencing the thoughts. That's how you lose yourself.

I don't want to pretend this is easy, in any way, but it has really helped me to regularly take a moment to look at what's going on in my thoughts and if I'm caught up in believing that they are real. If I'm stuck in the conditioned story. That way I shift the focus from being lost in thought back to the present moment and makes it possible to focus on my life here and now

I think ultimately the problem with the inner critic is responding to it as if you're still that child, it's about how you view yourself (what thought you believe about yourself) in relation to the critic. The inner critic is part of the trauma which you experience in thoughts and feelings; responding to them may be what keeps them stuck in your system. Simply being aware of those thoughts and feelings, allowing them to be but not acting on them has greatly diminished the hold that once had over me.

[woodsgnome]

Pieces wrote: "Look at the voice of the inner critic for what it is; a thought...thoughts come and go...And you are not the thoughts."

In another thread I wrote about an image I use about this that's helped me; actually a couple of images. One is that of a waterfall--the thoughts cascade and tumble, but you choose how many of them to notice and let the rest flow on to the sea. It's hopeless to catch 'em all anyway, but once the remnant flows on you're left with the beauty of this moment.

Another image of mine involves comparing life to a movie--the scenes of 'my' life were of another time; they seem real, but once the film ends, the screen goes blank and you find yourself in the present. You may have horrible memories from the film scenes, but they were a story that's ended.

Still, as Pieces points out: "I don't want to pretend this is easy, in any way, but it has really helped me to regularly take a moment to look at what's going on in my thoughts and if I'm caught up in believing that they are real."

[jenniejenniebangbang]

So many great responses from everyone!  I'm just beginning to work on this and when an intrusive thought comes to me, and it's quite upsetting, I let it in and feel it but I tell myself that it's only a thought and it can NOT hurt me. Instantly, I am calmed and I then can redirect my mind to think upon much better things. This does take practice because the thoughts can come and go quickly, until you feel extremely overwhelmed and in a panic. Breathing helps with this.

Now, this may sound a bit childish to some, I thought it was at first, but it really works the best for me. Whenever I'm taken over by an extremely bad thought or thoughts racing through my mind, and I begin to panic, I again tell myself it's only a thought and it can not hurt you, but I also quickly replace it with good events from my past when I was a teen. I enjoyed my high school years and going to the beach and I had a wonderful boyfriend and friends. I find my best times were during this period and so just remembering events from this time really calms me down and brightens my outlook A LOT.  I remember that teen girl always smiling and cheerful and so optimistic! I miss her.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share what has been working for me. I also enjoy writing poetry and dancing and this helps as well.  I think just getting rid of those negative thoughts helps me. I hate feeling yucky, and so I'll come up with ANYTHING to get rid of feeling that way. I think it's always a good thing to go toward something that we enjoy or have enjoyed doing. I really feel powerful, like I can get through anything when I'm doing something that I really love to be doing, which is kicking all those nasty thoughts to the curb!

Thanks for the wonderful ideas!