Incident occurred

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Sasha

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Incident occurred
« on: April 29, 2019, 08:32:24 AM »
A violent incident occurred last night with my brother who is mentally ill violently attacking my youngest sibling and then going for me. My other brother had to hold him off with all his strength.

The family is only together for an important funeral today. I left the building with other family to avoid further trauma and returned when we had heard that my violent brother has gone. He had screamed violently for a long time before he left and I could hear him.

Just over a year ago I was caring my brother on my own (as I was often left to do this) and he became violent and I had to call emergency services and in the end he went to hospital for a brief period. It was very bad but they released him as he didnít present to them as he did to us and he is not receiving any further treatment or medication etc. I have barely seen him since as I felt very traumatised by the incident and received counselling afterwards, specifically to do with this incident.

Last nigh I went into full trigger mode - frozen brain, shaking, white face, twitching, unable to talk, eyes locked, no blinking, grinding teeth.... very extreme - for about 2 hours. I managed to come out by playing a board game that helped my amygdala relax.

Today we will be in the same environment again for the funeral. I am scared. I donít know how to approach it. I want to feel safe. I want my family to be safe. He terrifies me. Last night I could not stop seeing worse images in my minds eye. I feel fear of death around him, very strongly.

Any advice gratefully received. X
« Last Edit: November 02, 2019, 07:23:06 AM by Sasha »

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Kizzie

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Re: Urgent: any advice please. TW Violent incident occurred
« Reply #1 on: April 29, 2019, 03:27:34 PM »
I can only imagine how traumatized you are feeling Sasha and rightly so, the danger in this situation is very real and everyone's safety must be a top priority.

Did anyone think to involve the police? I know he's family but he was violent, it's against the law for a reason. It's dangerous and people can and do lose their lives in this kind of situation.   


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Three Roses

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Re: Urgent: any advice please. TW Violent incident occurred
« Reply #2 on: April 29, 2019, 03:32:30 PM »
Oh Sasha, I'm so very sorry this happened! I would be very apprehensive, too. I can't give you advice but I can say what I would feel or do - I would feel just like you are feeling! I would want to avoid him but as it's an important funeral, you may want to be there for support of other family members.

I might contact the funeral home to ask if they have security personnel that could be there. I might ask a (large) friend to come with me. I might sit between like-minded family members. I'll try to think of other things but want to post this right away in case you're watching for replies.  :hug:

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Three Roses

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Re: Urgent: any advice please. TW Violent incident occurred
« Reply #3 on: April 29, 2019, 03:40:15 PM »
I'm sorry you didn't get timely replies - I can see it's been about seven hours between your initial post and our replies.  :'( sorry. It's morning here and I'm just waking up.

I'm interested to hear any updates. I agree with Kizzie, everyone safety is paramount, and police should be informed. We care about you.  :hug:

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Three Roses

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Re: Urgent: any advice please. TW Violent incident occurred
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2019, 10:00:47 PM »
If you're up to posting an update to this, I'm just letting you know I've been thinking of you, Sasha, and wondering how things went.  :hug:

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Kizzie

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Re: Urgent: any advice please. TW Violent incident occurred
« Reply #5 on: May 02, 2019, 03:00:53 PM »
Just checking in too Sasha - are you OK?

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Sasha

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Re: Urgent: any advice please. TW Violent incident occurred
« Reply #6 on: November 01, 2019, 04:36:27 PM »
Geez, I can't even remember writing this. I just came across it whilst looking for my journal (which i still can't find).

Thanks so much for your replies. It says a lot that I don't remember making this entry. I was in a bad way that night, the next day, and for some time after. That incident has added to a other traumas as something to niggle at me.

Since this my bro attacked my mum when they were alone. She called the police after which he went missing and turned up later at old family contacts home. He has been living there for some time now, as I understand it. I am no longer in contact with him, and can not see how I can be as he makes me feel afraid.

I have been feeling for some time like I no longer really have a family. Am actively seeking help at the moment to try to heal some of the old and new wounds. Forever trying.

xx

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Three Roses

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Re: Urgent: any advice please. TW Violent incident occurred
« Reply #7 on: November 01, 2019, 05:07:11 PM »
FWIW, I've come to view this forum as a family - the best kind, one that I've chosen.  :hug:

I've sent you a private message, too.

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Sasha

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Re: Urgent: any advice please. TW Violent incident occurred
« Reply #8 on: November 01, 2019, 05:25:07 PM »
Yeah it's been so helpful, being part of this group  :grouphug:

Can't see your message? Haven't had one before...

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Three Roses

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Re: Urgent: any advice please. TW Violent incident occurred
« Reply #9 on: November 02, 2019, 02:55:32 AM »
To look for private messages, click the three horizontal bars (should be top left of your screen). This should open a menu, scroll down and click on "My Messages" and then "Read Your Messages".

Also, if you click on your forum name, it will take you to personal settings which you can use to tell the forum to let you know when you get messages. Hope this is helpful.
 :heythere:

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Sasha

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Re: Urgent: any advice please. TW Violent incident occurred
« Reply #10 on: November 02, 2019, 07:21:56 AM »
To look for private messages, click the three horizontal bars (should be top left of your screen). This should open a menu, scroll down and click on "My Messages" and then "Read Your Messages".

Thanks Three Roses.  I found my inbox however no messages are in there. Strange eh? :Idunno:

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Three Roses

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Re: Incident occurred
« Reply #11 on: November 02, 2019, 07:43:22 AM »
Hmmm... Maybe I never hit send.  :Idunno: 

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Kizzie

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Re: Urgent: any advice please. TW Violent incident occurred
« Reply #12 on: November 02, 2019, 02:18:15 PM »
I have been feeling for some time like I no longer really have a family. Am actively seeking help at the moment to try to heal some of the old and new wounds. Forever trying.

So hard I know Sasha  :hug:
« Last Edit: November 03, 2019, 03:14:01 PM by Kizzie »

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Sasha

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Re: Incident occurred
« Reply #13 on: November 02, 2019, 06:02:57 PM »
Interestingly contact was made by this person today for the first time in about half a year. It is their birthday and I have been feeling very unsure about whether to contact or not, as donít want to signify that all is forgiven, but also donít want to punish this person for their illness.

Contact was made in the form of a social media friend request. They deleted their profile some time ago. I did speak to them on the phone and it was very difficult. They sound incredibly unwell. I might make a post in the NC/LC area as some advice going forwards might be useful.

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Blueberry

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Re: Urgent: any advice please. TW Violent incident occurred
« Reply #14 on: November 02, 2019, 07:48:51 PM »
Geez, I can't even remember writing this. I just came across it whilst looking for my journal (which i still can't find).

Thanks so much for your replies. It says a lot that I don't remember making this entry. I was in a bad way that night, the next day, and for some time after. That incident has added to other traumas as something to niggle at me.

... I am no longer in contact with him, and can not see how I can be as he makes me feel afraid.
My bold.
imho it certainly does say a lot that you don't remember making the entry. To me that says your retraumatisation was so bad you forgot you even looked for help. Could that be? It may not be that way :Idunno: That degree of not knowing anymore in my case was caused by retraumatisation followed by extreme dissociation - so that's what I'm basing my assumptions on.

imho protecting yourself from this person is not punishing the person, even if they or anybody else in your FOO sees it that way.