Deep Blue’s progression not perfection journal

[Jdog]

Blue!

Oh my gosh I am so sorry this happened, and that you couldn't seek comfort from your spouse.  For what it's worth, I have been having panic attacks this week which are brought on by abandonment feelings when my spouse gets mad at me...so no comfort for me, either.   In terms of why you got triggered this time, I agree with your assessment.  It was unexpected, it was a teenage girl, and you were not in a therapeutic setting.  I agree with others:  This in no way invalidates the great work you have been doing.

Panic attacks SUCK!! 

[Tee]

  deepblue here for you keep going you are so strong.  Keep working on it.  I'm sorry we are here for you

[sanmagic7]

i agree w/ everyone else, db.  being blindsided is so different than when you know it's coming.  plus, the idea of it being a teenage girl makes so much sense.  and, i, too, am sorry you couldn't find support or comfort from your hub. 

you are making progress.  when these things hit us, tho, i think they take away our grounding and sense of what we already know to be true about ourselves, and our ICr can step right in and wreak havoc w/ our perspective.  hang tough, sweetie - we're right beside you!     love always.

[Sceal]

Big warm hug to you!

I'm sorry you had to experience the trunk at all. And I'm sorry you had to re-live those memories while otherwise enjoying a show with your husband.

I think that the reasons you have listed are all likelyhoods. Maybe all together.

[Deep Blue]

Hey MoonBeam,
Thanks for reminding me that it doesn't invalidate the work I've been doing. The good news is, my husband knows that I have cptsd now... bad news is, he doesn't know why and he hasn't seen me have a panic attack.  I think he would want to help but it doesn't mean that I'm ready to go to him yet.  Thanks for everything you said... it really helps 

Not alone,
Thanks for reminding me that I didn't do anything wrong to be triggered.  I kinda forget that piece when I'm in the thick of it.

Jdog,
Yep panic attacks suck.  The one thing that I try to remind myself of though is that they don't last forever. I put a poem about them on the forum and revisit it from time to time that seems to help.

Tee,
Thanks for saying I'm strong.  I don't know if I believe it, ha ha but it's nice to hear.

San,
It's not that I couldn't get support from my hub... it's that I just don't feel comfortable going to him yet.

Sceal,
Thanks for the hugs. I got sleep last night and that always seems to help.  I'm feeling much better today.

Thanks for picking me up and brushing me off everyone 

[sanmagic7]

ooops, sorry.  i misinterpreted what you were saying. 

i'm just glad you were able to come here and share what you're going thru, allowing us to 'pick you up and brush you off'.  you so deserve support for what you're going thru.  sending love always, and a hug filled w/ support, validation, and caring.   

[sunflower38]

I'm glad you're feeling better today and I hope tomorrow brings good things to you 

[Tee]

Big hug
My H know I have PTSD with flashbacks and he wants to help and doesn't know how sometimes his trying to help is more triggering cause he makes definitive statements that tend to be controlling which trigger other issues. So I totally get the not ready to go to him yet.

Take your time I'm sure he's there for you when ready.  My H has learned to just shut up. sending you love keep talking to him though tell him what you need it the only way he'll know.

[Tee]

  big hug and no words sitting with you.

[Snowdrop]

 

[Three Roses]

 ❤️

There is so much pain in the world - and then there are the people who try to bring healing and hope to others who are hurting. People like you. 

[sanmagic7]

 

the insanity has gone mad.  i'm glad you and your friends are safe.  love and   

[Not Alone]

So sorry about your student. Really difficult to deal with that loss. Also sad for the shooting.

[Jdog]

Oh no - so sorry for this additional loss of your student.  I stand with you in mourning this person as well as the lives lost to the senseless mass shooting.  These are very trying times.   

[Deep Blue]

Hey all,
I know it's been awhile but my summer has come to an end.  I go back to work tomorrow, the start of a new school year.

I've never felt less ready to go back to work.  My summer was filled with tragedy and I am just not ready to go back to the daily grind.  My hope is that I'll see my students and they will fill me with the passion that my summer was missing. 🤞