I thought of Byron Katie's The Work when I read your post BH, which to my mind is an attractive but twisted way of thinking b/c it provides a false sense of control. It's similar to why/how so many of us come to believe as children that we deserved the abuse/neglect and that if just act differently, figure out how to behave in a certain way we'll get the love, kindness, caring, safety .... we need/want/deserve. If we accept it was not us, that we did not have control over what happened it means the universe is a random, frightening and painful place and that is a difficult reality to face, particularly without having had love, care, belonging, support, safety....