Information I didnt want to know given to me/things piling up & struggling badly

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WideSargassoSea

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So just got an email from the police telling me they just visited and warned the parent who stalked me.

This despite me requesting from a previous officer specifically NOT to tell me when it happened, which he assured me was fine.

Now Im stuck with my mind on a loop speculating about how it went, what was said, what they may do as a result, and so on.

I had already been struggling incredibly and unfortunately turned to drink a bit late last night, which I feel bad about. I'd tried visiting the Samaritans twice last week but they were too busy so was unsuccessful. I feel utterly depressed, panicked, alone, and like Im fighting a losing battle. Every second I achieve one thing, something else massive comes along and hits me. Havent even been able to eat normally for two weeks since my dentist messed things up-my teeth were fine, yet they insisted on working on two teeth. Its only SINCE they 'repaired' those two teeth that both are now painful whenever I put pressure on them. One on either side of my mouth....

Things just keep piling up and I cant cope. Having awful nightmares every single night.

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Blueberry

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Hope67

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Hi WideSargassoSea,
Sorry to hear you're struggling at the moment, and that you were given that update from the police, despite you specifically asking not to be told the outcome - that's not right. 

Horrible that you have tooth pain to contend with as well.  Sending you a gentle and compassionate hug, if that's ok  :hug: 

I hope you have a better night and that the nightmares leave you alone for a while.  Remember you are not alone - we are all here -  :grouphug: and you are safe. 

Hope  :)

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WideSargassoSea

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The online hugs are welcome.

Having reread the email. the tone of it also makes me feel like the parent doesnt even care about me, like they have no problem with the idea of no more communication at all.

For me its been a deeply upsetting thought, but something that had to happen due to their abusive nature towards me. Now I feel like on top of their emotional abuse, they don't even particularly feel anything deep or any connection. That, for them, its easy to cut any ties where for me its been so hard. Makes me wonder if all I was to them is a 'dog' that they saw as disloyal or 'badly behaved'. Not a son, or a human, or anything like that.

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Kizzie

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So sorry you are struggling WideSargassoSea.  I think one of the worst moments for many of us is when we realize we meant little if anything to family abusers so I hope being here and part of this community helps you to know you are not truly alone &  that we do care about you and what you are going through  :grouphug: 

I wanted to share three reources that you also might find helpful right now:

The Body and Soul Charity "provides "direct therapeutic interventions, either 1-to-1 or in small groups, including integrative psychotherapy, systemic family therapy, life-coaching, DBT, EMDR, arts/creative therapies and a range of complementary therapies; practical social work and advocacy (e.g. housing and benefit support); specialist legal advice and casework from a panel of pro bono solicitors (e.g. immigration appeals, employment); and a rich programme of workshops, talks and small discussion groups."

Stand Alone is a non-profit organization that supports people who are estranged from their family.

We offer innovative advice and support services for all people experiencing estrangement. We help people of all ages who feel they have been cut off as well as those who have walked away.

Our direct support services are currently focused in London, Sheffield and Newcastle. We run support groups, a range of therapeutic workshops and a programme to connect people for ongoing emotional support.  We have published online  information and advice guides for all people experiencing estrangement or disownment who canít reach a group or workshop.


Big White Wall is an online mental health service that is monitored by clinically trained 'Wall Guides' who are online 24/7. BWW offers guided support courses, self-assessment and improvement tools, and a community of members who support one another.

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notalone

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WideSargassoSea,

I'm sorry things are so difficult right now. Wish there was something I could say that would help, but want you to know that you are heard.

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WideSargassoSea

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I appreciate the replies. Also the links. Im looking into them. Just my luck one of the groups shutdown the day before I applied.

I got another email from my letting agent about the problem neighbour. I'd hope for progress but instead she fudged the issue and avoided committing to taking any real action, despite my being disturbed again at 3am last night by his noise

today I went to the 'support' group I sometimes go to. I spoke of whats been going on and the police, and how painful its been for me lately. Not one person said anything to me after or offered any kind words.

I tried visiting the samaritans later on. Again too busy, and they said they couldn't see me. So I later phoned the samaritans. Part way through explaining what I'd been dealing with I heard very loud music playing. I asked what was going on and the woman just laughed. I asked again and eventually she said it was her colleague listening in who's mobile he'd left on. I hung up.

I just dont know what to do anymore to get somewhere with things. I feel like im in pieces. Im sorry if this seems self pitying but I have to get this out somewhere.

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Blueberry

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Self-pitying, no. Just a list of what's being going on and it all sounds very frustrating. I don't know what to say except I'm sorry.

One question: you said 'one of the groups shutdown' - do you mean one of the linked groups? If so, could you tell us which one please? You can PM me with the information if you want. Thanks.

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notalone

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It must have been hurtful and discouraging that no one in your support group responded to what you shared. I'm appalled by the behavior of the woman you spoke to at Samaritans. Unprofessional and insensitive.
 :hug: You are important and worthy of care and to be heard.

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WideSargassoSea

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sometimes when im really struggling my self doubts kick into overdrive. It was reassuring to read these comments, and the simple gestures posted help, and let me know Im not alone during very tough times.

I'll try a samaritans visit again tomorrow after trying to take things gently today. I'll try to balance my expectations before I head out-but fingers crossed regardless.

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WideSargassoSea

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This is crazy. Went to the samaritans and asked the person if i could make an appointment, as a couple of samaritans I'd spoken to on the phone said that was possible. I also asked if it was common to have trainees in on a call, ie that there were sometimes two people in a call at their end. I know this to be true, have seen it in documentaries, have been told it during samaritans calls.

His response was - "No way nobody would tell you that, I dont know who would tell you that" he said. I was confused and mentioned it. He got argumentative, difficult, vague, and just kept repeating "nobody would have told you that, I dont know who would tell you that!". I tried to get any sense out of him but then he said "Im not talking to you anymore" and walked off and closed the door, leaving me in an empty room by myself. Im gobsmacked. For clarity I phoned up the general line and asked and they confirmed what I originally thought was correct. I tried calling the complaints line to report the guy. No answer. Im really REALLY struggling and it seems that every way I turn is blocked in crazy ways. I had some of the worst nightmares I've ever had the previous night

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Kizzie

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If that's the case it might be time to step away from the Samaritans and the group and try another.  What about the three I identified in my post above?

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WideSargassoSea

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Hi Kizzie. As my earlier post mentions, support from the stand alone site was not available unfortunately.  The other was London based only so not practical. The final was online text based only as far as I can tell.

The simple truth is that help is not as practical or common as it should be, and also that standards are plummeting due to financial cuts.  I registered an official complaint with the Samaritans and have been told they're looking into it. We'll see what happens I guess.

Separately from the above, and speaking generally, I find it a common tale that frankly, there needs to be far more support for men even though most support is cultured towards, and targeted at, women. Im not criticizing anything, or anyone, just making a statement of fact. Suicide rates for men are shockingly higher, and sadly, there's less and less help. I guess it partly shows why this forum and site is so important in such a context.

Fingers crossed our culture changes soon/that more investment is put towards helping people who need help once more.

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Three Roses

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I will add my crossed fingers! 🤞🤞🤞

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Kizzie

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I'm not sure why you couldn't bring up the Stand Alone site  :Idunno:  They do run facilitated support groups in Bristol and Manchester & workshops throughout the year in London, Brighton and Sheffield if you're near any of those locations.  They and either of the other orgs may be able to help you find some support where you live if not. 

In terms of support for men most resources are open to both men and women in my experience although there are those that are gender specific - some examples:

Male Survivor London - http://malesurvivorlondon.btck.co.uk/ComplexPTSD.  A site for men who suffered CSA and developed CPTSD as a result. 

The Bristlecone Project - men from around the world who are survivors of sexual abuse and assault - https://bristleconeproject.org/.

1 in 6 (males have been sexually abused) - https://1in6.org/get-information/the-1-in-6-statistic/

Women's Support Project (UK) - http://www.womenssupportproject.co.uk/content/childsexualabuseincest/174,172/

I agree though that there aren't nearly enough services in any country for us right now, men, women, children -  which means we have to push for what we need/want. Sad when most of us don't have the wherewithal b/c of what we're dealing with but that's where things stand right now unfortunately.
« Last Edit: June 09, 2019, 07:03:13 PM by Kizzie »