Elpha's Adventure pt. 4

[Elphanigh]

Thank you Three Roses ♥️ Today feels better already, I did a bit of somatic work before going to bed last night which helped me sleep and release some of this stuck energy. I am feeling a bit more positive today, knowing I have some emotional work to do but it feels less daunting. Always grateful when my grounding and processing skills work like they are supposed to.

[woodsgnome]

  for feeling better today.

In your post you shared about "being fearful of what would come through my closed door." That sort of thing also rattles around my sensitive soul, as my young self experienced similar daily intrusions (and never routine -- always deleterious, usually in ways I'd rather not recall).

Sorry to bust in on your journal, but after wading past the TW (thank you) and risking to plunge ahead, it was gratifying to read of how you can now work to counteract and diminish somewhat the worst effects for you. In other words, you keep showing signs of self-care; things you've worked hard for.

Kudos. 

[Elphanigh]

Thank you for reading it, I am glad reading past the trigger warning was good for you. I always put them in anything that could be triggering for people, especially when I am sharing any specifics about my memories.

I am sorry you also experienced that fear.. I know how hard it was to have that happening. I have spent a long time creating spaces where I dont need to worry about that fear, where my boundaries are respected. So the near break in just unsettled that in me.

No need to apologize at all. I love this being a space where people can reply and validate these experiences.

Lots of time healing with a great therapist and on my own has really given me the ability to counteract all of that. I still feel it today but much stronger. I also recognize that I would have been down and out before, with healing and coping skills I was never entirely down and out. I am proud of that, even if it is frustrating to be triggered and dealing with these memories.

Thanks Woodsgnome, you have brought even more perspective to this  it is great to hear from you!

[Elphanigh]

Been doing more inner child work/parts work, as well as some somatic work on my own. It helps to have these skills to balance. The fear part of me that got sparked in all of this feels very young and does not really have any words. I have had to rely so much on what I am feeling in my body, and in my emotions.. Getting out of that logical thinking brain to communicate with myself on a level that the fear part of me understands. I feel like I have started to release some of the pent up energy, and through that those memories were coming back. Wanting seen/heard/ validated etc.. If I am kind and listen to what I need it gets better, even if it makes the feelings bigger and seemingly worse for a time. Grateful to be feeling even stronger today and more able to balance this wave of healing with everything else.

I am looking forward to classes in 25 days!! I can order books soon, and really get started down this road 

[Not Alone]

Love that you are being kind and listening to what that younger part needs. 

[Elphanigh]

Thank you  It is something that used to be so hard for me to do, so I truly appreciate you noticing it.

[sanmagic7]

wow!  that's a lot of fear to be triggered.  not surprised it's interrupted your sleep.  i'm glad that's a bit better now.

not feeling safe is the worst, i think.  it goes to the heart of survival.  i'm so proud of the progress you've made, utilizing the skills you have, reaching out to your former t to help you, - you are taking life by the horns instead of sitting on the dilemma.  well done, sweetie!   

i'm really glad you haven't had to post here for a while, but not so glad that you got so triggered.  that always sucks.  here's to looking forward to the big adventure awaiting you in the near future!  a schoolgirl one more time!  it's so exciting to me to see you reach this point.  you've worked hard to get here.  love always, and hugs filled w/ continuing self-care and anticipation for the future.   

[Elphanigh]

It was definitely a ton to have triggered up, understanding what it was made such a giant difference. I have been doing some somatic work, and even wrote a letter to that part of me. It has help me immensely. I feel much more recovered now, I can do the bits of healing work but it is no longer affecting me all the time. All things considered I recovered pretty quickly.

Thank you so much for the well dones and encouragement, always so helpful with all of this kind of stuff.

I cannot wait until classes start  I am so ready to begin this journey, I have missed school but am so certain that I chose the write place and time for me. On a mission to help people and to hopefully make some change in the field as well.

[sunflower38]

Dropped in to say I'm cheering you on in your journey! Fear and triggers can be really hard, but I'm glad that they're not stopping you from wanting to process and understand it.

I also have classes coming up, can't wait!!

[Elphanigh]

Thank you so much!!!  I appreciate all the encouragement so much. 


Oohh glad you have classes as well. What are you studying?

[sanmagic7]

you go, sweetie!  i know this is a dream you've been pursuing for a couple years, and now, thru diligence, determination, courage, and loads of hard work, you're almost there!  you wonderful thing, you!     i'm glad the fear has settled a bit, and you're feeling better.  love always.   

[Elphanigh]

Thank you, San  It has been a long few years getting to this point, so I feel like I am so ready for it. Love you lots

[sunflower38]

I'm studying art! I'm really excited to start soon. What are you studying?

[Elphanigh]

That is wonderful!! It is great tou are starting your studies  I have my first degree in music performance (and philosophy) and always wished I was better at the other creative outlets. 

I am starting my Masters in Social work, focusing on the clinical side so I can become a therapist 

[sunflower38]

That's awesome! I'm sure you'll make a great therapist 

I'm also starting my masters, can't wait!