I'm beyond triggered

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CheshireCanary

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I'm beyond triggered
« on: June 04, 2019, 08:47:08 AM »
i am a triggered, panicked wreck right now. First my toxic mother showed up a few days ago to have a screaming fit, gaslight and twisting my every word, and then got into my adult daughters face for nearly half an hour trying to bully her into say 'no' when she asked if she ever treated her badly (Like she was doing at that moment) while my 4 year old was in the room. She put her finger in my face and nearly hit me. Shes justifies this because I have little contact and avoid her like the plague, because she treats me and all my kids like this, in very hurtful ways. Our lives have been disrupted by the fallout, she's playing the victim and bad mouthing us. Obviously this triggered me, upset all 4 of my kids. My mom still tries to stir the stink nearly every day since.

Then today, guess what happens??? My abusive, narcissist husband of 30 years cheated on me. He's done it before but it was a long time ago, even though our marriage is strained to say the least. Most of my CPTSD was brought on my his violence in years past, though he hasn't been pysically abusive in over 10 years.  The woman's husband texted me about it tonight, and all * has been going on since. I left and went to my best friends house for a few hours, but now it's almost 4 am, I'm still awake, and having constant panick attacks. I will see if my therapist can get me in tomorrow, and I need some as needed meds to deal with this.

THis is very bad. Our house in under reconstruction, my mother is toxic, and I don't know what I'm going to do. I've begged him for a divorce so many times before but he wouldn't let me leave. Now, at  the very worst time ever, he does this! The woman is not attractive, but was a casual friend of the family up til today. I am finacially trapped, have no family other than my kids to help me, and am in a hopeless situation. 

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Blueberry

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Re: I'm beyond triggered
« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2019, 10:47:11 AM »
I'm sorry, that sounds terrible! You're getting it on all sides atm.  :hug: No wonder you are severely triggered.

Have you seen the Crisis page on here? https://www.outofthestorm.website/emergency If you scroll down a bit, you'll see a couple of links for domestic abusive situations. Even though your h is no longer physically abusive, he is being otherwise abusive, and he has been physically abusive. (You may not feel capable of dealing in concrete ways yet, so ignore this if it's too early.)

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MoonBeam

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Re: I'm beyond triggered
« Reply #2 on: June 04, 2019, 05:04:27 PM »
CheshireCanary, I wanted to send a  :hug: and just let you know I'm so sorry this is all happening. I'm holding you and yours in my heart.

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Kizzie

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Re: I'm beyond triggered
« Reply #3 on: June 04, 2019, 05:47:15 PM »
I am so sorry you are going thru so much right now CheshireCanary, it's no wonder you are triggered and having panic attacks. Here to listen and support you :grouphug: 

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notalone

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Re: I'm beyond triggered
« Reply #4 on: June 05, 2019, 01:01:45 AM »
What you are going through sounds horrible.  :hug:

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CheshireCanary

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Re: I'm beyond triggered
« Reply #5 on: June 06, 2019, 02:01:38 AM »
Have you seen the Crisis page on here? https://www.outofthestorm.website/emergency If you scroll down a bit, you'll see a couple of links for domestic abusive situations.
Blueberry, Thanks so much. Yes, he's abusive in every way he can be.  Thanks for the link, I'll try to take a look at it tomorrow

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CheshireCanary

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Re: I'm beyond triggered
« Reply #6 on: June 07, 2019, 12:30:54 AM »
Thank you all for your supportive comments. It helps to have y'all to talk to about this because most people don't get how bad these episodes are, the non stop panic and etc. I went to the emergency room last night to get meds to calm me down enough to sleep, since I'd been awake over 36 hours and couldn't keep anything in my stomach. I'm a mess. My therapist wants me to do relax, sleep, and try not to do much of anything else for the next two days. She's afraid Im going to end up in the hospital from this. I have to get my head together whenever all these non stop panic attacks stop, so I can plan what I'm going to do. My life is being ripped apart in all directions. I have to get better for my kids, and I need to work and live and be happy again.

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Blueberry

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Re: I'm beyond triggered
« Reply #7 on: June 07, 2019, 07:46:35 AM »
 :hug: :grouphug:  I wish you lots of :zzz: :zzz:

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Kizzie

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Re: I'm beyond triggered
« Reply #8 on: June 07, 2019, 04:05:20 PM »
So much going on right now it's no wonder you are so triggered  :fallingbricks:  Can you get away on your own for a day or two? 

There will be time once you get thru the EF to deal with your M and H. We're hear to listen and provide some suggestions based on our experience, plus you have your T so hang in there and rest as much as you can until your systems calms a bit  :grouphug:

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Three Roses

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Re: I'm beyond triggered
« Reply #9 on: June 07, 2019, 10:43:22 PM »
I am so very sorry to hear what you're having to deal with! You have friends here in us - we'll support you as much as online friends are able. A gentle :hug: for you if it's okay.

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CheshireCanary

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Re: I'm beyond triggered
« Reply #10 on: June 08, 2019, 12:51:30 AM »
Thanks Blueberry, Kizzy, and THree Roses. I appreciate your comments and support. My husband is sleeping at his mom's until the kids and I can stand to have him here (our adult daughter call his mom's landline each night at different times to make sure he's even there), but our house  here is under major construction and he uses that as an excuse to come here every day. The doctor gave me some meds to help me get some sleep, which helps. It just seems like everytime I start to calm down something else happens. Like you said Kizzy, I'm trying to work thru the CPTSD fallout and rest and keep food down so I can get strong enough to figure out what to do next. And I need to work but I'm too foggy headed to think straight. At least the meds to make me sleep keep my nightmares to a minimum. It is so nice to have y'all to listen, give advice, and be kind to me when I'm in this chaos. Thank you all!

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Three Roses

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Re: I'm beyond triggered
« Reply #11 on: June 08, 2019, 02:33:21 PM »
 :hug:

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Kizzie

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Re: I'm beyond triggered
« Reply #12 on: June 08, 2019, 04:36:58 PM »
 :grouphug:

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Blueberry

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Re: I'm beyond triggered
« Reply #13 on: June 08, 2019, 06:30:48 PM »
 :hug: :hug: