My mister Ralph

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Toya2007

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My mister Ralph
« on: June 06, 2019, 06:37:23 AM »
Hi guys, so Iím just wondering if anyone has tried the more gentle approach with the inner critic? My therapist has discussed naming my IC and viewing it as a maladaptive little child, because he was doing the best that he could to keep me alive at the time, the over criticism from him was simply to stop me from being harmed. The theory is that instead of viewing the IC as the enemy it may make it easier to make changes to the critical views. I was wondering if anyone else had tried this method? 
Thanks

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Kizzie

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Re: My mister Ralph
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2019, 06:14:22 PM »
Definitely Toya, I have and it is a strategy many use/endorse b/c it is part of us.  One T many of us read here Pete Walker suggests that we need to get angry at the Inner Critic before we can befriend it - http://pete-walker.com/shrinkingInnerCritic.htm

I've worked on mine from both angles b/c I think it may be the case that part of our Inner Critic is the internalized voice(s) of those who abused us (and thus need to be brought into line, their lies confronted), and the other is us trying to keep ourselves safe by making us less vulnerable to abuse.

So I find sometimes I need to be rather firm and tell my IC to back off or pipe down or even say "That's not true" (e.g., you are a selfish person) when it's clearly being abusive toward me, and at other times when it seems to be trying to protect me (e.g., don't try that you'll just end up hurt b/c you're not as smart, capable  :blahblahblah:), acknowledge it has protected me in the past, but can now rest b/c I'm an adult and can manage better now.  It's a bit of a balancing act.

Hopefully this doesn't 'muddy the waters'  :stars:

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Toya2007

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Re: My mister Ralph
« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2019, 09:03:14 PM »
Thanks so much for your reply, it makes complete sense. My IC definitely takes on the voice of my abusers, I guess a lot of it is about paying attention to whatís actually going on in our brains then instead of just taking the loudest thought as the truth. 
I think sometimes I understand what I need to do to get better and then the next week Iím confused by everything again, the brain is a very complex system. Thanks again for you advice.

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notalone

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Re: My mister Ralph
« Reply #3 on: June 07, 2019, 02:00:23 AM »
Toya2007,

I'm not sure if this fits. I have a part of me that is verbally hostile toward me. My therapist does not treat that part as the enemy at all, more like an angry kid. Why is a bully being a bully?  What is behind the anger? What does she need? I know that part feels cared for by my T. The adult in me is able to care for that part too.

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Bach

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Re: My mister Ralph
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2019, 01:43:55 PM »
Toya2007,

I'm not sure if this fits. I have a part of me that is verbally hostile toward me. My therapist does not treat that part as the enemy at all, more like an angry kid. Why is a bully being a bully?  What is behind the anger? What does she need? I know that part feels cared for by my T. The adult in me is able to care for that part too.

I have a verbally hostile/abusive inner voice too.  Whenever I notice it berating me, I try to counteract it by speaking calmly and gently to myself, explaining why what it is saying is not valid even if what it is saying has grains of truth.  I'm working on trying to take abusive language out of my dialogues with myself.

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LittleBlueBird

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Re: My mister Ralph
« Reply #5 on: July 24, 2019, 09:34:46 AM »
I guess DBT would help here?

My inner critic comes out sometimes and she frightens me. I like the idea of making peace with her rather than being cross with myself every time.

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Tee

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Re: My mister Ralph
« Reply #6 on: July 24, 2019, 11:56:43 AM »
 :hug: