What is a friend?

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Boatsetsailrose

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What is a friend?
« on: May 22, 2019, 08:57:42 PM »
Hi
This is a shout out to ask peoples views on 'what is a friend? I know it's easy to have a text book version and an idealistic version but a real terms explanation is what I'm looking for.
Lately I am waking up as I get more recovery from an eating disorder I'm starting to gain a wholer sense of who I am, my worth and value.. I've long felt there is so much wrong with me and that's why I don't have many close people. Now I starting to think that there isn't So much wrong with me it's the people I have chosen..
I'm surrounded by narcs and dysfunction.
I'm starting to get a glimmer of 'I could actually have friends who aren't messed up! What a joy that would be!
💜 Bye bye dysfunctional personalities hello healthy people...
I'm healing! I deserve to be loved!

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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: What is a friend?
« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2019, 09:00:12 PM »
Ive obviously not accumulated too many narcs hence the not having as many close people as I'd like...
It seems all along I've been protecting myself!

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notalone

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Re: What is a friend?
« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2019, 10:13:12 PM »
"What is a friend?" Heavy question with many layers of answers. I have friends with various levels of intimacy. My closest friends, even though most have not experienced abuse, have (and still) experienced pain. They have felt their pain and they don't try to talk me out of my pain. They feel with me and for me. They pray for me. They tell me they are for me. They tell me they are sorry I am hurting and they mean it. Yesterday a friend came to my house and spent several hours with me because I was having a tough time. They are comfortable with me telling them as much or as little as I need to tell. They tell me their struggles. Some of them hold me. Most of those close relationships are with people whom I have known for over a decade. Some are more recent. Sometimes they miss the boat on what I need and sometimes I am amazed at their wisdom and discernment. I don't know if this helps. Building friendships takes time and dedication from both people. As a friendship is first developing, I "test the waters." I hear and watch how they respond to people or situations. I might share something that is a small risk. If it is received well, I might share more. If not, I am cautious and either give it another try or keep that friendship on a more surface level.

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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: What is a friend?
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2019, 08:53:04 AM »
Not alone you sound in a fortunate position and have healthy friends...
Not a situation I know....
Thanks for your insights

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Rainagain

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Re: What is a friend?
« Reply #4 on: May 25, 2019, 11:40:45 AM »
In my experience good friendship material people require the effort of nurturing and if you dont have the energy to nurture and sustain a friendship you end up with people around you who are there for themselves and not for you.

I know some great people but very rarely see them as I just cant manage to maintain meaningful contact. Most of the people who I do see require less effort but I would honestly rather see less of them.

And I see few enough people already.

Isolation works better for me in my circumstances.