Having a Really Tough Time -TW warning

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Ecowarrior888

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Having a Really Tough Time -TW warning
« on: June 17, 2019, 10:02:45 PM »
The past few weeks have been rough. Haven't been able to keep it together. Too much going on in my head. Art has come out in small bursts....I am being harassed at work and have had to stand up for myself which....is a first. It is so triggering I have had a panic attack almost every day after work. When I am at work I am so numb because I have to resort to how I survived in my dad's house.... showing no emotion to validate the supervisors coming after me. Sometimes I even have doubts where I am like, I am I just being paranoid? Am I making this all up in my head.... but my coworkers have admitted to seeing something off in the interactions and accusations of this supervisor that just continues to escalate things. It is insane.

All the while, my mom is now in remission which is a relief....and now my grandmother is in hospice which is just so painful to witness. She is 98 years old next month. 20% cardiac function, so now her body is just deteriorating. There are days she can breathe and her mind is more clear...and other days where I feel like it is the last day I'll hear her voice. It hurts me to see in a bed not being able to garden, clean, brush her hair or just even eat solid foods.... It is so weird to pray for someone to just let go.... I hate seeing her suffering bt at the same time... I don't want her to go but I'd rather her pass away in her sleep.....

Then, father's day..... I worked which is good and bad because either way I have those bullies that trigger me.... and my father was my abuser.  I have not been able to write in a while just because how everything is so heavy... I am shutting down as I write this.
« Last Edit: June 18, 2019, 05:35:04 PM by Kizzie »

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Kizzie

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Re: Having a Really Tough Time -TW warning
« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2019, 05:46:40 PM »
I am really sorry you are going through so much right now Ecowarrier   :grouphug:  We get how tough it is when you're feeling overwhelmed by very real life stresses that layer on top of all the trauma we already are dealing with. Do you have a therapist you can talk to about what you're going through?  Could you take some time off work?

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Boatsetsailrose

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Re: Having a Really Tough Time -TW warning
« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2019, 07:30:53 PM »
Hi eco
I know these times when there is just so much going on the overwhelm and EF is too much.... Because it is..!
Re being bullied is there any higher level person u can go to to report this?
Is it poss to take a bit of time of work?
I know for me in the past I've needed to take much time off to survive.. But I was fortunate that I got paid for it.
It's so important that recovery and health come before any job.. That's been my experience.
Taking time to self care and really attend to my needs

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notalone

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Re: Having a Really Tough Time -TW warning
« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2019, 07:53:49 PM »
What you are going through sounds awful and overwhelming. I'm glad you are able to stand up for yourself at work, but I hear how stressful it is.

It is so weird to pray for someone to just let go.... I hate seeing her suffering bt at the same time... I don't want her to go but I'd rather her pass away in her sleep....
I have been in this position. It is very weird to wait for someone to die. You love her and don't want her to die, yet you know that is what is going to happen.  :hug:

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Ecowarrior888

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Re: Having a Really Tough Time -TW warning
« Reply #4 on: June 18, 2019, 11:36:03 PM »
I am on meds and talk to my therapist weekly....
I want to take time off but because of the bullying and harassment, they have kind of denied it to me. And at the same calling me inconsiderate of others when i had to take a week off to help my mom recover from her surgery to remove the cancerous tumor. They then gave me this "improvement plan" when my mom was recovering and my grandmas health began declining.... saying to keep my home life at home...

Tomorrow im having a meeting with HR and union representative. Its just all so overwhelming.
I called out the other day because... its just too much...

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Kizzie

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Re: Having a Really Tough Time -TW warning
« Reply #5 on: June 19, 2019, 05:05:11 PM »
Most of us here know the feeling Eco, it just gets to be too much some days. Talking here and with your T and reducing stress can be really helpful bringing down the sense of being overwhelmed.  :grouphug:

I hope the meeting goes well  :yes:
« Last Edit: June 19, 2019, 05:09:52 PM by Kizzie »