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lulu

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New here
« on: June 19, 2019, 08:40:26 AM »
Hi I am new here. I had a difficult upbringing and have had lots of challenges in life.  I think the biggest thing is the confusion, not really getting things, especially people, feeling rejected and alone.  It's quite hard to even make sense of what happened in my upbringing, it appeared normal on the outside and I grew up thinking it was, (it was all I had known after all).

I was very unhappy growing up and believed it was my fault.  I have spent the greater part of my adult life trying to 'fix' myself.  I was fortunate to eventually meet an energy worker who helped me for the first time in my life. (Despite previous long term attempts at psychotherapy, which I think made things worse).  I began to understand the effects of my parents and siblings behaviour, some overt, mainly covert and how I was the scapegoat child.

I feel I fumble my way through life, and struggle every day.  I find it lonely being so isolated, friends have come and gone, and I find interaction with people very challenging.  I am trembling as I type this and on the verge of tears.  Fear of rejection is looming large.  I would love to be able to talk about what happened to me and be understood, I find so many people are in denial and do not want to know. I can understand this, but it makes me feel I am apart from the rest of the world.   

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SharpAndBlunt

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Re: New here
« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2019, 09:02:36 AM »
Hello lulu,

Welcome to the forum  :heythere:

Much of what you have written here rings true for me and I am sure will for many others here too.

You are not apart here and you will find people who understand and are interested in healing. I am sure you will find lots of positives.

Thank you for posting.

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Hope67

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Re: New here
« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2019, 09:29:15 AM »
Hello Lulu,
Welcome, and I think you've been brave to write here, and express some of your thoughts.  I hope you'll feel comfortable here.  There are many people here who will relate to what you wrote.  I relate to it.  Thank you for posting.
Hope  :)

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lulu

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Re: New here
« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2019, 09:55:07 AM »
 Hi, thanks for responding and for your kind and affirming words, it means a lot   :wave:

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Three Roses

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Re: New here
« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2019, 02:20:16 PM »
Hi, welcome! That feeling of being apart from the rest of the world was once very prominent in my life, a constant feeling every day. A few things have helped and I no longer feel that way: finding this site and listening to the stories of other survivors; reading and educating myself about cptsd; facing my past; going thru some therapy for the things I either had remembered incorrectly or had blocked (which had surfaced). Now I don't feel like an alien on a planet of normal humans - I feel like I belong to a group of people who "get" me and don't want me to just "get over it". They have very real, compassionate responses and insight when I share here.

Thanks for joining and posting!  :applause:

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bluepalm

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Re: New here
« Reply #5 on: June 19, 2019, 10:01:27 PM »
Hullo lulu and a warm welcome. Your introduction sounds so familiar to me. I've found this community to be a wonderful support and I hope you do as well.
bluepalm

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MoonBeam

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Re: New here
« Reply #6 on: June 20, 2019, 08:27:13 PM »
Welcome lulu.  This is a safe place to learn and share.  We don't have to do this alone anymore.  Glad you are here.   :wave:

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Tee

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Re: New here
« Reply #7 on: June 20, 2019, 09:25:43 PM »
I'm relatively new here too but in the month I've been on here I have found comfort in reading others stories and seeing I'm not alone.  I've posted and commented and always have been received with compassion and encouragement.  We are not alone any more. Welcome Lulu!  :grouphug:

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woodsgnome

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Re: New here
« Reply #8 on: June 21, 2019, 01:45:24 AM »
It's almost overwhelmingly sad (among other more 'active' emotional responses) to come from a background where every day seems only to built the confusion pile to the size of mountains. And then we're left alone.

Not sure the alone part can ever disappear when life's starting years are so sabotaged. The alone part can be chipped at, but that too is just so foreboding; then we ask, 'is it worth it'?

The alone part -- okay, probably it might not wholly disappear. But finding some people who also understand this helps. Joining OOTS is at least indicative of finding yourself less alone. Finally, you can feel free (even if still scared; for me, that's never left).

Welcome to step #1 as you slowly find your way ahead. May there be more steps and more resilience around the next corner and those to come after.

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lulu

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Re: New here
« Reply #9 on: June 23, 2019, 09:55:44 AM »
Hi to everybody who responded, all your replies were so validating for me, thank you 🙏