Unhelpful management

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Contessa

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Unhelpful management
« on: June 21, 2019, 04:25:00 AM »
Am hoping this story can serve as a form of affirmation around just how far we can go in our recovery.

I had an interesting day at work (school) yesterday. I was placed in a position to look after a group of youngsters who have such immense behavioural issues, that the day was impossibly ruined before we even walked in the door to start the day.

Nothing to do with me, and despite years of experience, I had no control to begin with. It was imperative to call in support from higher up to intervene and remove the main instigator/s, as the situation was getting quite dangerous.

The first intervention was needed immediately (insane). Another one was needed later. The first person to come in dealt with those involved in the situation, and it helped. The second person (the big boss) decided to immediately put me on trial instead, gave me a dressing down in front of the class, and set me a task of reading a policy booklet right then and there.

It was a cataclysmic moment designed purely to put me under the thumb rather than to deal with the real problem. Instead of feeling humiliated, I felt such joy knowing that what I was told to do was not going to happen (by sheer impracticality), and that I do not have to put up with any targeted power plays from anyone.

Making it this far in my recovery... it's a positive feeling  :bigwink:

Anybody else experience wins like this?

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Three Roses

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Re: Unhelpful management
« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2019, 02:52:16 PM »
How awesome! I'm so glad for you.  :applause:

Yes, I had a recent experience on a much smaller scale - I was shopping in a grocery store, hovering near a self-checkout register and looking at snacks, when a woman tried to direct me to an open register. Normally my reaction would have been to apologize for somehow confusing her or being in her way. Instead I only said, "I'm still shopping", and I felt no fault, guilt or shame. Then it occurred to me - I felt no fault, guilt or shame! I smiled and thought, 'this is progress'.

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Blueberry

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Re: Unhelpful management
« Reply #2 on: June 21, 2019, 03:26:14 PM »
 :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: for both of you!

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Rainagain

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Re: Unhelpful management
« Reply #3 on: June 22, 2019, 09:47:07 AM »
I like this thread!

Is this about seeing straight through other people's stuff, their attempts to impose their stuff on you?

Is this about maintaining your own self and simply not letting others make an impact?

Brushing aside the challenges of others, not letting them have an effect on you.

This is what recovery is made of, that is resilience, well done.

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Contessa

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Re: Unhelpful management
« Reply #4 on: June 23, 2019, 01:13:56 AM »
Hi Rainagain,

Yes it is indeed. And then choosing what I want to do with it. My experience and skills will be welcomed elsewhere :)

Thanks Blueberry, and 3R that is great progress no matter how large or small.

It still isn't all easy of course, but it is a notable marker to remain in control of your own self in negative situations.

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Rainagain

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Re: Unhelpful management
« Reply #5 on: June 23, 2019, 09:08:10 AM »
Physical health includes having the ability to deal with challenges like your immune system dealing with a virus.

Mental health is about being able to respond as you did Contessa, its wonderful to hear.

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Contessa

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Re: Unhelpful management
« Reply #6 on: November 06, 2019, 12:20:50 PM »
Old post, but this happened again a few days ago, and the same person pulled the same stunt.

I was not intimidated by them. They hounded me and I stayed confident. They tried to erode my confidence, but they did not.

I made sure I stuck next to a colleague who became a witness, and confirmed my reports to another.

It was inevitable, the time came. I made my exit and I had the support of those who know. I am needed and wanted there, that place is desparate for staff, but that one person was looking for any opportunity to show me they are boss.

So I have made my exit of my own accord, because I know they are just starting to get on a roll. My allies know that this is the best decision, even though they now have another problem to balance on top of the rest.

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Blueberry

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Re: Unhelpful management
« Reply #7 on: November 06, 2019, 01:38:10 PM »
 :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: for your self-confidence, strength and self-care!

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notalone

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Re: Unhelpful management
« Reply #8 on: November 06, 2019, 03:23:50 PM »
You dealt with the situation with wisdom and strength.  :cheer:

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Three Roses

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Re: Unhelpful management
« Reply #9 on: November 06, 2019, 04:05:49 PM »
Good for you!  :applause: and your witnesses will hopefully be able to point out why staff is so hard to hold on to.

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Contessa

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Re: Unhelpful management
« Reply #10 on: November 06, 2019, 07:25:41 PM »
Thank you all! Yes, everyone knows. I knew the first day I stepped into that role, so I knew how to play my cards. I'm not the first or only target.

But, I now know that i'm a magnet for narcissists. My role was honestly superfluous to everyone elses... but it was a matter of time. My very core values were being compromised.

Thank you for your knowledge and guidence over the last few years, it was all that I learned from the wonderful members here that gave me that wisdom to know what to do. And it will happen again, just this episode is behind me.

:chestbump:

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Three Roses

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Re: Unhelpful management
« Reply #11 on: November 06, 2019, 08:35:27 PM »
I've learned a lot from you and your posts so thanks for being here. ☀️