NC and Social Media

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subtleomen

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NC and Social Media
« on: June 26, 2019, 08:32:51 PM »
How do folks handle NC and social media? Example, I do not participate in facebook, but my abuser does and is friends with/engages with other family members, sometimes in ways that are indirectly manipulative and abusive toward me.

How have you, or would you handle this? I feel conflicted about asking my other family members to block my abuser because that is a relationship that they maintain, and is within their agency to decide...not mine.

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BeHea1thy

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Re: NC and Social Media
« Reply #1 on: June 27, 2019, 04:15:44 PM »
I have found that social media, with the exception of this forum, is a double edged sword. Family relationships are difficult at best considering abusive and conflicted history. I think you may already have and sense the answer to your question when you say
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that is a relationship that they maintain, and is within their agency to decide...not mine

So the question then becomes, how do you effectively handle the family you are still in contact with that seemingly pass along the manipulation and abuse second hand?

Developing boundaries is a slow process with starts and stops and time to feel the effects of the ways that we ask others to respect us. Even when we seemingly implement a safe and clear "plan", the unexpected still crops up. One month after a recent NC request I was bombarded by an  "accidental" phone call, which was further "explained" by another phone call and a text!!!

In the end, we can only control ourselves, and that's sometimes a tall order.

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sanmagic7

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Re: NC and Social Media
« Reply #2 on: June 28, 2019, 04:57:40 AM »
i agree w/ behealthy - we can only control ourselves, can't control what others are doing, or who they're going to have relationships w/.

i am not on soc. media at all, but live w/ my d who still maintains a relationship w/ her father, my ex, who was one of my abusers.  all i can do is respect that she wants to keep a relationship w/ him (altho it does bother me at times, and i've been working on that), but i don't talk to her about him at all, and other than the most generic news, she knows i don't want to hear about him from her, either.

my other d, w/ whom i'm nc, has spread lies about me since she's been in her teens, and all her friends ended up hating me.  it was very rough when i found out.  she also lied about me to her sister and my ex, and they were both manipulated into believing untruths about me.  it was nothing i could stop until my d, with whom i live, discovered the truth about the lies and manipulations, which also affected her, and she decided to go nc as well. 

this relationship stuff can be very tricky.  i've done a lot of work over the years to help my mind not get so terribly triggered by mention of either of their names.  that's the only thing that's helped me.  i hope you can find your way thru the maze of manipulations that others put out there to people in your life.  best to you with this.  sending love and hugs, subtleomen.

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Kizzie

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Re: NC and Social Media
« Reply #3 on: June 28, 2019, 02:47:31 PM »
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How do folks handle NC and social media? Example, I do not participate in facebook, but my abuser does and is friends with/engages with other family members, sometimes in ways that are indirectly manipulative and abusive toward me.

I am not on FB for this exact reason SO, my NPD family mbrs do exactly what you have mentioned and it's too triggering to read what they're saying about everything - drama, chaos, manipulation, the list goes on.  I also do not want them to have any info about my me, my family or my life now that I am NC with all and LC w/my M. 

Sadly, my son stopped using his FB page b/c my M would comment on everything he posted so he doesn't have the benefits of FB (keeping in touch with friends via it) any more.  He couldn't bring himself to unfriend his GM so just doesn't use it.  It's yet another sacrifice to NPD which angers me to say the least. My H would not accept her friend request years ago so he still uses it although there are many things he doesn't share b/c of our NPD fam mbrs. 

Living with NPD family means having to manage their impact on us in ways that aren't fair or right unfortunately. I wish their talk didn't trigger me but it does and so I have chosen not to use FB or any platform like it. That's not the answer for everyone though, imo we each need to figure out what's right for us.

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subtleomen

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Re: NC and Social Media
« Reply #4 on: July 12, 2019, 01:22:11 PM »
Thank you for the responses, very helpful. I am not sure what I am going to do just yet.

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Kizzie

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Re: NC and Social Media
« Reply #5 on: July 12, 2019, 02:28:57 PM »
 :thumbup:   :grouphug: