Depression, loss, and too many thoughts

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Rudi

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Depression, loss, and too many thoughts
« on: June 27, 2019, 10:27:20 AM »
I took care of my terminal mother earlier this year until she passed away a couple of months ago, it has been a major loss in my life. I am also bipolar with autoimmune disease so all of this has taken a lot out of me. Her illness and passing created an opportunity for my mother and me to see my older brother again after many years of not seeing him in part due to his terrible actions surrounding my outing my father as my abuser. My mother was the only one in my family who stood by me.

So I'm in the throes of grief, flashbacks, depression and severe anxiety. Each day I try to restart only to feel myself fall back into that hole again. It's too physically painful to do my walks, I'm exhausted so my art is out, reading is limited, I'm attempting to reboot my meditations but I keep finding myself sobbing and wanting to escape. My phone therapy sessions are adding up so I really need to find additional means of support, so I am here, one of a few stops to address this stuff that is eating me up.

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Kizzie

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Re: Depression, loss, and too many thoughts
« Reply #1 on: June 27, 2019, 02:11:10 PM »
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your M Rudi. That's a huge loss so I am glad you found your way here and have a safe place to talk about everything and be heard and supported. Welcome.   

Would you also be open to looking for a face-to-face grief support group in your area? More support might help right now.

Can I just say that you may not have the energy to restart just yet b/c so much energy is needed to deal with grief and the extra layer of trauma on top of that that you have on top of that? Reaching out for support, putting less pressure on ourselves, and getting lots of rest seems to help in really tough times. 

 :grouphug:

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Rudi

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Re: Depression, loss, and too many thoughts
« Reply #2 on: June 28, 2019, 08:10:59 AM »
Kizzie, I really needed a reach-out so thank you so much! Tonight has been extra rough...sometimes it can feel like I am overreacting but when I remember all the mental health issues AND if I were a stranger coming to me with this situation I would be so much kinder and understanding. 

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Kizzie

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Re: Depression, loss, and too many thoughts
« Reply #3 on: June 28, 2019, 02:28:51 PM »
It really is a lot Rudi you're dealing with and all your trauma layered on top of that means it will be extra rough.  It's a good strategy you mention of imagining you were a friend to someone dealing with what you are and thinking about what would you say to them  :thumbup:  If anyone needs and deserves kindness and understanding right now it's you  :grouphug: 

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notalone

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Re: Depression, loss, and too many thoughts
« Reply #4 on: June 30, 2019, 07:09:45 PM »
Rudi,
I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. Just want you to know that I read your post and that I care.   :hug:

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Kizzie

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Re: Depression, loss, and too many thoughts
« Reply #5 on: July 01, 2019, 03:25:15 PM »
Sending a  :grouphug: Rudi, how are you doing now?

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Tee

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Re: Depression, loss, and too many thoughts
« Reply #6 on: July 01, 2019, 03:30:01 PM »
Don't know what to say but wants to show support :grouphug:

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Rudi

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Re: Depression, loss, and too many thoughts
« Reply #7 on: July 10, 2019, 06:06:06 PM »
Hi, I really wanted to say thank you for your responses and to let you know that I appreciate your words. I have been able to get out and physically see our therapist which has been helpful in just knowing that I am on the right track. Blindly buckling down with more meditation and with a stronger focus on self-acceptance and love seem to be the only thing I am left with doing at this time so that is what I am doing.

 I see the promise of a promise it might help so I am hanging on to that.

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notalone

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Re: Depression, loss, and too many thoughts
« Reply #8 on: July 11, 2019, 01:02:21 AM »
stronger focus on self-acceptance and love

Great things to be focused on.

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Kizzie

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Re: Depression, loss, and too many thoughts
« Reply #9 on: July 11, 2019, 01:07:29 AM »
 :grouphug:

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Tee

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Re: Depression, loss, and too many thoughts
« Reply #10 on: July 11, 2019, 02:12:28 AM »
 :grouphug: