Hello, new here!

Started by Convalescent, March 22, 2015, 11:22:08 AM

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Convalescent

Hi! I'm a 32 year old male, residing in a small town in Norway. Don't know exactly what I should write... I'm singel, no kids, just discovered this forum, as I was searching for a forum with people suffering from PTSD, as it may help me in my life, in addition to finding a community where there are others which "suffers" from the same kind of illness/injury as I do. It's been a year and a half since I discovered (that I have) C-PTSD, and just about a couple of months since I started treatment.

Looking forward to getting to know you, and to participate in the forum. Thank you for letting me in.

:)

Convalescent

Don't know why I wrote "suffers", like that. In my mind it sounded right, like it didn't mean to be something that was there forever. But it sounded more like I didn't believe people could suffer from it. Believe me, I know you can. I'm sorry, I'm just nervous :)

keepfighting

Hello, Convalescent,

nice to meet you on this forum.  :wave:

No need to be nervous about chosing the right words here - luckily, people 'get' what you're trying to say, even if English isn't your first language (mine isn't either).

I was born in Norway but my parents left for another European country when I was 4 months old. I only know one Norwegian sentence: "Jeg har ingen pengar"  (....which happens to be the truth most of the time  :bigwink:).

CPTSD is a tough diagnosis and quite an isolating one so a forum like this is heaven sent for many of us. I hope you'll find support and understanding here.

Cheers, kf

Convalescent

Thank you very much, keepfighting :)

Haha, that's nice to know how to say :)

Yeah, it's so hard. And today is one of the harder days. Or more like one of the impossible ones. Thanks again :)

keepfighting

Quote from: Convalescent on March 22, 2015, 03:36:14 PM
Yeah, it's so hard. And today is one of the harder days. Or more like one of the impossible ones.

So sorry to hear that.

Do you know what triggered it?

Rrecovery

Hi Convalescent  :wave: Welcome to the forum.

Posting is a courageous step towards connection.  Looking forward to getting to know you too.

Kizzie

Hi and a very warm welcome Convalescent  :wave:  I agree with Rrecovery, posting here does take courage and is a big step towards recovery so kudos  :applause: 

As it happens my mother and mother-in-law's mothers were both from Norway (Helgeson and Hernbladt), but I don't know any Norwegian  :sadno:  It sounded like KF was saying "I have a penguin" - am I close lol?

I'm sorry you're having a hard day  :hug:.  It might help if you post about it (if you feel comfortable doing so) as KF has invited you to do.  No pressure though, we know it can take some time to feel okay about being open.   

Convalescent

Thank you so much for the warm welcome :) I don't know exactly what triggered it - I'm in a place where I'm just starting to open up and flashbacks are starting to appear. So there's a lot of chaos and just raw feelings sometimes. The day is a little better now, anyway. :)

I started a journal, it felt kinda good :)

Haha, well, you're a bit off ;) It means "I have no money"

Kizzie

Oh OK, it means I'm a bit off which means I have no money, not I have a penguin - good to know  ;D

:hug: for you re having flashbacks, they suck I know, so good for you for starting a journal where you can explore how you're feeling, sort through the clag of your EFs. It may help to head them off or at least reduce their intensity in the future. Pete Walker has some tips on managing them if you haven't seen them yet - http://www.pete-walker.com/   

Convalescent

Quote from: Kizzie on March 22, 2015, 09:57:18 PM
Oh OK, it means I'm a bit off which means I have no money, not I have a penguin - good to know  ;D

:hug: for you re having flashbacks, they suck I know, so good for you for starting a journal where you can explore how you're feeling, sort through the clag of your EFs. It may help to head them off or at least reduce their intensity in the future. Pete Walker has some tips on managing them if you haven't seen them yet - http://www.pete-walker.com/

Yeah, it's a good thing to explore, I think :) A little question, though... EF's, it sounds a little depressing and confusing to me. That the visual content is almost nil in a flashback. To me the visual content is there, although it's kind of "separated" from the feelings attached to it. But that EF's have almost zero visual content. Just feelings? Doesn't that make it that much harder to deal with?

Kizzie

It does and that's why many of us struggle so much; that is, EFs are not generally connected to a particular event like the visual flashbacks are, but to an accumulation of trauma which is harder to put your finger on (e.g., experiencing ongoing emotional abuse which is covert in nature). 

If your flashbacks are mainly visual, it might actually make it more straightforward for you to the bottom of your trauma. There's some info in the forum on recovery about EMDR which seems to work quite well in treating trauma in which flashbacks are visual (more common in PTSD than CPTSD).  You might want to have a look and ask your therapist about it. 

Convalescent

#11
Quote from: Kizzie on March 22, 2015, 11:30:37 PM
It does and that's why many of us struggle so much; that is, EFs are not generally connected to a particular event like the visual flashbacks are, but to an accumulation of trauma which is harder to put your finger on (e.g., experiencing ongoing emotional abuse which is covert in nature). 

If your flashbacks are mainly visual, it might actually make it more straightforward for you to the bottom of your trauma. There's some info in the forum on recovery about EMDR which seems to work quite well in treating trauma in which flashbacks are visual (more common in PTSD than CPTSD).  You might want to have a look and ask your therapist about it.

Well, they are not "flashbacks", per se, more difficult memories that resurfaces. Not traumas in and of itself. It's from a part of my life that is partially blocked out, but I've not only blocked out the trauma, but a lot of other things as well. And I haven't had much experience with flashbacks. But I think I know what you mean. I've just never heard the term EF. And I think I think about it a bit differently. I don't know, a lot of this is pretty new and raw to me, I have to let it sink in. And I'm just beginning to uncover the surface of a lot of my life.

I was actually going to a therapist and was going to undergo EMDR, but I quit him this week, as a matter of fact. We just didn't have the chemistry, after half a year of trying, so EMDR was just out of the question.  Very interested in it though, maybe I'll find a therapeut sometime..

But at the time it seems to me like EF is about understand the nature of your problems, from a ... blah, what's the word. I'm tired, it's 01:00 AM here in Norway :P .. it seems to me like understanding what your problems are; you see the connections and causes, but you only feel it through the presence? That you somehow block it out? I don't know, I just have a strong feeling that, for me, it has to be visual, to some extent. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know.

keepfighting

Oh, lol, Kizzie: "I have a penguin" would certainly explain why "I have no money" - it's all going to the upkeep of my penguin, of course  ;D.

So sorry, Con, that it didn't work out with your t. For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing in not continuing with this one if it doesn't feel quite right and that you didn't start the EMDR with a t with whom you have no good chemistry. It must have been a tough decision, though, especially with all that's trying to resurface into your life right now.  :hug:


Convalescent

Quote from: keepfighting on March 24, 2015, 08:29:59 AM
Oh, lol, Kizzie: "I have a penguin" would certainly explain why "I have no money" - it's all going to the upkeep of my penguin, of course  ;D.

So sorry, Con, that it didn't work out with your t. For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing in not continuing with this one if it doesn't feel quite right and that you didn't start the EMDR with a t with whom you have no good chemistry. It must have been a tough decision, though, especially with all that's trying to resurface into your life right now.  :hug:

Thank you  :hug: Well, not really. I mean, it's hard not having a therapist for a time, but it was quite limited what I got out of it. We just didn't have the chemistry, and sometimes I would feel that I was talking just to talk. I felt this invisible wall between us. We just didn't fit, so it wasn't a great loss. I get a new one after the clinic I'm going to in three weeks, so we'll see how our chemistry is, and how we fit. Chemistry is incredible important when working with traumas and C-PTSD. Otherwise I can't really feel safe with my therapist, and subsequently the therapy have no meaning.

Convalescent

Quote from: keepfighting on March 24, 2015, 08:29:59 AM
Oh, lol, Kizzie: "I have a penguin" would certainly explain why "I have no money" - it's all going to the upkeep of my penguin, of course  ;D.

So sorry, Con, that it didn't work out with your t. For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing in not continuing with this one if it doesn't feel quite right and that you didn't start the EMDR with a t with whom you have no good chemistry. It must have been a tough decision, though, especially with all that's trying to resurface into your life right now.  :hug:

Penguins are very expensive here in Norway, so either one of those is self-explanatory :) I actually couldn't afford a therapist a couple of years ago, 'cause of the bloody penguin-expenses!