Always the TARGET

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Always the TARGET
« on: July 04, 2019, 09:48:29 PM »
Hello there,

I have always been a target in groups of people. I take good care of myself and spend a great deal of time alone, because being with people is generally a terrifying experience for me, as their intentions often mirror some form of exploitation. I fear it could be the American culture--I do not watch tv, commercials, or follow pop culture. I do not approach the world thinking, "what can I exploit in this circumstance?" I think, "what can a give to make things better, as a whole". I feel this very fundamental difference of how I approach the world has made me a perpetual target, because I am different.

I was the scapegoat of my family growing up. Hence, I moved away from my family and as I grew into adulthood I became more cognizant of a lot of the horrible abuse I suffered from a sociopathic parent growing up. Most recently I find it hard to find healthy relationships or trust in general. SO I think when I am in the workplace, I am also a very easy/weak target. I feel like I am susceptible to this abuse and attracting harmful people. I don't know what to do to stop attracting these circumstances.

Even while out in public, I always seem to get sexually harassed and bullied by groups of people. It's been more so lately, with the current president. I don't want to leave my house. I get panic attacks almost everyday. I won't list all the details of my story, as it can be very triggering to others. But I will say that I get bullied or sexually harassed almost every time I leave my house alone. Any advice anyone can offer, I would really appreciate. Happy to chat via message exchange, too. Thanks for listening.

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Three Roses

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Re: Always the TARGET
« Reply #1 on: July 05, 2019, 01:20:35 AM »
Hello and welcome! I see this is your first post here in the forum. This section may not get as much traffic as a post in the introductory section, so if you don't get a lot of responses to this post you can try posting there - https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=10.0

As far as suggestions, I really don't have any but I'll try to think of some ideas. In the meantime, keep your chin up! You're worthy of being treated with respect. You'll find the members here to be open minded, inclusive, caring and insightful.
 :heythere:

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Tee

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Re: Always the TARGET
« Reply #2 on: July 05, 2019, 01:49:19 AM »
Welcome I'm sorry that you have deal with jerks.  I'm not sure I have the right words to help I have often felt that I wear a sign that says please mess with me.  I think sometimes we carry ourselves in away that project our hurts and insecurities in ways we didn't ever intend. Not in anyway saying that it's our fault that people are jerks.  But when we are wounded a comment that might other wise not bother a typical person though inappropriate drives a dagger through our hearts. 

I hope some of that makes some sense and doesn't cause harm as I am currently struggling in my own storm and am not sure my word made sense.

Meaning well :grouphug:

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notalone

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Re: Always the TARGET
« Reply #3 on: July 05, 2019, 02:32:07 AM »
I'm sorry that I don't have words of wisdom for you, but want to welcome you to OOTS.  :heythere:

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a_bunny

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Re: Always the TARGET
« Reply #4 on: July 05, 2019, 04:40:50 PM »
Welcome! I am so sorry for what you are dealing with, and I hope that this community helps you and you feel supported here.

But when we are wounded a comment that might other wise not bother a typical person though inappropriate drives a dagger through our hearts. 

This so resonates with me, and maybe it can help you walkoniceinheels to know you aren't alone in what you're feeling? At least I hope it can.

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Kizzie

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Re: Always the TARGET
« Reply #5 on: July 05, 2019, 05:07:31 PM »
Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS walkoniceinheels  :heythere:   You're in a safe place now as we emphasize being respectful and considerate here.

When you're ready/comfortable perhaps you can share a bit more about why you are being sexually harassed and bullied when you're out in public.  No need to give a lot of detail, just the general picture would be enough for us to help with suggestions, share similar experiences & what we've tried that worked, did not work, etc.

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Yipeee

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Re: Always the TARGET
« Reply #6 on: July 06, 2019, 04:37:02 PM »
Hi walkonIceinheels  :cheer:  :wave: :cheer:

Thought I'd reply here to let you know that I understand how difficult it must be for you being in this position.  Its awful what you are experiencing with harassment on the street.

If its any use I know, as reading your post I unfortunately was nodding all the way through and going yep I completely relate to most of it. Being the scapegoat also in my family, I (have) attracted like you the worse type of people into my space where they have abused me. Particularly in my work and in my personal, and intimate life. I say 'have' as if I can give you advice based on my personal experience, long term therapy has been the key for me in dealing with this. It has if any help to you, turned things around for me in this respect. Basically the insight I have gained through discussing my role as a scapegoat, how this happens, overcoming the pain from this has enabled me to develop myself internally, so that I am now not drawn to these 'family-ar' types of people for example. I have grieved the original abuse and no longer need to get my needs met from my FOO, as they have now been met by my T. So i am no longer attracted to people who feel like my original abusers in my present world. I am not saying at all that you are attracting the abuse from strangers on the street because of this. I cannot advise here but just to say it must be very unpleasant for you.

I do not know if you have the resources to or, are seeing a therapist (and I am not necessarily asking you to divulge this!), but its taken a while for me to go through the process of becoming more and more conscious of what my role was as a scapegoat in my family. In doing so and grieving many aspects of my childhood I've slowly re-connected to my sense of power within me, and confidence that was cut off by my abusers. So now when someone slips in a little boundary jumping comment to test if I am gonna soak it up, at work or in a relationship, which usually leads to esculating abuse, I can now put up a boundary in the moment when it happens. Before I would freeze, feeling powerless. Now they seem to slither away and move onto find another target. Its sad to see this and experience it, as you say you are a giving person, and have a different approach to the world to people who need to take. I would celebrate this, and still be the wonderful giving person you are but just be mindful about who you give to. My T used to talk about how I either have boundaries or I am completely open. So its been about finding ways of developing healthy boundaries, and doing this by starting to see how to allow different people into different levels of intimacy with you. I hope that makes sense? Happy to explain more!

I hope this helps!



Welcome to the forum also.

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Blueberry

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Re: Always the TARGET
« Reply #7 on: July 06, 2019, 05:46:21 PM »
Welcome to the forum!