Distancing myself from enablers

[Rainydaze]

After months of guilt (my default reaction) and confusion on my part, I feel like I've finally gained some clarity tonight. Just getting this off my chest!

Brother has distanced himself with me completely over the past year and a bit following me confiding in him about the abuse I went through with NF. Tonight I went on his Facebook page because I randomly felt strong enough, and found that back in March he had posted a light-hearted photo of our father which pretty much painted him as a kindly, funny old man. It's like he's made a conscious choice to completely reject me and embrace the lie, even though he knows it's fake. It's sort of sad. He touched upon feeling the trauma of being the golden child back in 2018 but chose to hide under a rock rather than confront the truth.

I could go down the rabbit hole of being angry that he's enabling the false, innocent facade of this child abuser and hurt that he's blatantly not on my side, but you know what? I'm choosing to let go. I'm so sick of being painted as the one that's wrong in the family, even more than that I'm sick of the constant shame spirals I work myself up into which result in me believing that it's true. I know my truth and the abuse that I went through and I know so many others do too. You can't force people to see what they don't want to, nor should you need them to see it in order to be at peace with yourself.

There is an odd peace from finally knowing exactly where I stand with the siblings. I feel so done with people who are incapable of empathy and who choose to invalidate what I've gone through. My family is proper messed up and I'm seeing properly how deeply the dysfunction actually runs. I'm so relieved to be an adult and to be able to choose my FOC. Happy to be here in this safe place with you guys too. 

[sanmagic7]

we're happy to be here with you, too, bluescruise.  it is sad, i've been thru this myself w/ several family members, but congrats to you for taking back your power.  well done.  one more step forward.  sending love and a gentle hug full of support.   

[Tee]

Glad you are here to bluecruise I have one brother who doesn't see the extent of abuse that was done to me and says they weren't that bad and they have good qualities too.  Then my other brother has completely written both my parents off.  So I understand how deep dysfunction runs too. It sucks family is what your are suppose to be able to turn to when you need support. I'm glad to have found support here.  Hugs my friend.

[Three Roses]

You can't force people to see what they don't want to, nor should you need them to see it in order to be at peace with yourself.

Love it! 

[Kizzie]

Wonderful that you are choosing to avoid the rabbit hole and let go of the people and things that keep the CPTSD running full steam Blues. Going NC/LC with my family has been so healing.  I hadn't realized that contact with them required as much energy as it did and that I was constantly reacting to them versus living my life.

 

[Blueberry]

Sounds like a ton of healing, blues_cruise! 

[Rainydaze]

Thank you for the encouragement and support everyone.   

Wonderful that you are choosing to avoid the rabbit hole and let go of the people and things that keep the CPTSD running full steam Blues. Going NC/LC with my family has been so healing.  I hadn't realized that contact with them required as much energy as it did and that I was constantly reacting to them versus living my life.

 

Thanks Kizzie, yes, the energy spent reacting to the FOO is so tiring and it's a relief to feel my mindset start to change. No contact with my father really does feel akin to escaping a cult, or at least how I imagine it might be feel (scary and confusing!) When I saw the photo of him though I pretty much just thought, "Ah well, I know what he's really like" and got on with my day. It does feel like progress. 

[Tee]

  good for you!