Wk4: Stage 1: Step 3: Activity 1 "Insights about your reasons for recovery..."

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C.

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Reminder:  In order to honor our group process we ask that only current members post and respond here.  Thank you.

Note:  We all need reminders and encouragement now and again.  This is a reminder that these activities are simply suggestions.  No need to do all of the activities or respond to all of the threads.  This is about healing, so do what is enough for you, not too much.  Your pacing is unique to you.  Feel free to go with what works for you now.  No need for extra pain or EF’s!

1.   Write in your journal about the circumstances or insights that caused you to make a commitment to recovery at this time.
« Last Edit: March 22, 2015, 05:51:02 PM by C. »

As I've written elsewhere, I've had a commitment to recovery for the past three decades. True, I only found out about CPTSD last autumn, so there's that. Maybe that could be the insight that let me join this workgroup? Not sure.

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Kizzie

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Like Cat I've been trying to recover for decades, I just didn't know what from until I found OOTF and realized my FOO have PDs and that I have CPTSD.  I discovered one big piece of the puzzle - my F's alcoholism -- in my late 20's and that helped but all the symptoms of course did not go away so I knew either there was more to it or that I was just crazy/defective/overly sensitive/fill in the blank.

Now I feel like I'm "cooking on all burners" whereas before I was limping along just keeping my head above water, but not really recovering per se.

Yes, that. Exactly that. Replace "alcoholism" with "illness" and it's my story. Wow. This is weird, and really good. I used to suffer so much from this certainty I had back then that I was the only one on in the world who was that defective. And hey, not defective at all, and also not the only one. Good feeling. Happy dance --->  :cheer:

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bee

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Also been working on recovery for a long time. Why I joined this group though?
Reading about the effects of trauma on the brain has shown me that I need human interaction in my recovery. I'm not ready for face to face group therapy, so I think this is a good step to get me there.

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Trees

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I am another one who's been working on this for decades, for a lifetime really.  Lots of enlightenment along the way, and progressively worse memories and epiphanies for a while.   Despite my understanding of my condition, I still have a great deal of difficulty functioning around people.  I am thinking now that the biggest challenge for me is trying to deal with the fear in a non-dissociative way. 

Like bee, I understand that human interaction is necessary to recovery.   I signed up for this group so I could "hang out" with people whose thoughts I value.  Even though some of the subjects touched upon are triggering for me, I find comfort in the company.       :sunny:

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anosognosia

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I was recommended Trauma and Recovery by a friend and read it over the winter holidays 3 months ago. Life changer.

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C.

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I want to be happy again.  I never want to suffer as much as I did in 2012 when I had my initial crisis.  I know that the process to recover joy and minimize pain is recovery from my injurious childhood that caused CPTSD.  So I want to understand the origins, know how to cope, and go through the emotions necessary to heal from the trauma.  Before 2012 I thought that I could skip over the "mourning" part, but I've learned that isn't possible.  I need to accept and go through the process. 

I still find it a little difficult to believe though.  I was thinking today about how I haven't been angry with my parents since my adolescence.  And back then I remember feeling angry, but not why...I just remember arguing followed by tears/guilt/correction/criticism/yelling from my mom or verbal abuse by my dad.  Now, I simply feel resigned to their extreme limitations.  Like I've given up, so what's the point.  But I suspect I will need to feel angry in order to go through the process.

Like I had a date this week and the guy acted like a jerk.  It wasn't until quite a bit later that I felt anger.  Initially I simply felt anxious, irritated, and sad.  Later, when I thought more about what he'd said and how he'd behaved I felt indignation and anger.  It felt "right."  Maybe I'll need to allow myself to feel anger more now in order to recover from my past...

I greatly admire the perseverance of those who've been doing this for a while, and the courage of everyone.  Hearing other people's insights and getting validation & empathy about mine seems an important part of my Recovery.