Intro from OddSunflower

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oddsunflower

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Intro from OddSunflower
« on: July 08, 2019, 08:54:05 PM »
First, I will say that I am so glad I found this place to land my tired soul. I found this forum through the OOTF group and I have been reading and reading (as a guest) before I mustered up the courage to post. On the ACE test, I scored a 7. I wish that I could find an abuse scoring test for adults but I guess that is perspective and more complicated based on childhood exposure.
My FOO is your typical dysfunctional lot. I am the "dirty little secret" that everyone knows but no one acknowledges. I was born out of wedlock when my mom was a teenager. My mom married when I was 2 and I never knew my biological dad. When I was young, my step-dad passed away tragically. About a month afterwards, my mom told me that he was not my real dad and I didn't need to keep crying and taking attention away from my younger siblings. I heard horror stories of my bio dad and never sought him out. Now that I am an adult, I choose not to make a connection out of fear of the unknown.
Enter my uNPDh and his family. From day 1, he stalked me. He controlled my life. I chalked this up to "love" because I had never known a real good man and woman relationship. (Most of my FOO had been divorced or had very tumultuous relationships.) I became pregnant as a teen (history repeats itself). NPDFIL came to my mom's home about 2 weeks after baby was born and told me I was moving in with h (at that time bf) and that what I wanted was not important that I needed to do what was best for the family. I heard this line so many times over the next 20+ years. What's best for the family just meant what NPDFIL thought was best. We got married because it was best for the family, I forgave cheating because it was best for the family, I had more kids because it was best for the family. I excused a DUI because it was "best". I excused drinking, violence, emotional and financial abuse, verbal insults...the list is long...until one day, I stepped OOTF. It was scary and bright. I realized I could say NO. The consequences were loss of Narcissistic Power. I cut off the negative supply. Then the fleas started to multiply on my uNPDh. It was only then...25+ years into our rollercoaster relationship that I realized that he was a NPD too!
I am here to find hope at getting the pieces of my life back. I wish only to restore my own sanity and provide my children with the tools they need to not get stuck in this cycle. Thank you all for your posts. I read them and find life there. My peace I give to you in hopes that I will find some in your reflection.

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Bach

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Re: Intro from OddSunflower
« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2019, 10:06:15 PM »
Welcome!  I love your username.

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Three Roses

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Re: Intro from OddSunflower
« Reply #2 on: July 08, 2019, 11:28:34 PM »
Welcome, OddSunflower! One of my favorite flowers.

While I'm sorry you had cause to seek and find us, I'm glad you have. Thanks for posting! And, thanks for this:
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Thank you all for your posts. I read them and find life there. My peace I give to you in hopes that I will find some in your reflection.
:wave:

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Tee

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Re: Intro from OddSunflower
« Reply #3 on: July 09, 2019, 12:51:04 AM »
 :wave: welcome glad you found your voice and courage to post. :grouphug:

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notalone

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Re: Intro from OddSunflower
« Reply #4 on: July 09, 2019, 01:42:23 AM »
Welcome.  :heythere: