ch. 6 - beyond the past

[Blueberry]

  Hope the bad feeling passes soon.

[Jazzy]

Feel better soon sanmagic

[Hope67]

  to you SanMagic
Hope 

[sanmagic7]

thank you blueberry, jazzy, and hope.  i hope i feel better soon, too.

i heard this yesterday while watching the emmys - it took  many years of vomiting up all the filth i'd been taught about myself and half believed before i could walk on this earth as if i had a right to be here. - a quote from activist james baldwin.  altho his quote was about racism and other issues, we all struggle here w/ the filth we've been taught about ourselves, and the difficulty we have in believing we have a right to walk this earth.

i believe that' what we're doing here on the forum and in our lives is a similar struggle - not only getting rid of the poison, but healing from the corrosiveness of it.  it really feels like there are 2 parts to this process.  maybe more, cuz we first have to be able to see that we were poisoned in the first place!  sometimes that's the hardest part.

i'm still sick from that dang flu shot.  i got the high dose one for people over 65, and found it it's 4x as strong.  no wonder i'm suffering.  i've often gotten sick after these things, but they were all the regular kind.  thank heaven there's netflix. 

[Snowdrop]

I hope you feel better soon, San.

[SharpAndBlunt]

Sorry to hear you're rough, sanmagic, and I hope you feel better soon. Also a big fan of Netflix here, it's great for when I'm feeling not so good!

[MoonBeam]

i believe that' what we're doing here on the forum and in our lives is a similar struggle - not only getting rid of the poison, but healing from the corrosiveness of it.  it really feels like there are 2 parts to this process.  maybe more, cuz we first have to be able to see that we were poisoned in the first place!  sometimes that's the hardest part. 

Well said San. I really appreciate you. 

Sorry to hear you are unwell. Rest up and take care of you. 

[Jazzy]

Very good point sanmagic. I hope you recover quickly!

thank heaven there's netflix.

This made me smile. Thank you for that.

[Tee]

  feel better San☕️ here's some tea.   

[sanmagic7]

hey, tee, jazzy, mb, and s&b - thanks so much for the well wishes.  i am feeling better today.  yay! 

my d's coming home today - the time flew by. 

i watched the pilot of a new show last nite 'prodigal son'.  i'll watch again.  it was mentioned that the main character has c-ptsd!  couldn't believe it!  it's showing what he's going thru being an investigator and how his symptoms get in the way, what happens to him, how he deals with it.  quite intense, but my o my, they're nailing it!  i was in shock when c-ptsd was actually said out loud.

so, i'm doing mundane chores today and just kind of reveling in feeling better.  i think i'll wait till next week for another round of re-scripting, but i'm feeling pleased w/ the progress.  even with only the first year of my life done, i can already feel the difference.  some strange dreams still, but one about having to go to my mom for help was soothing - the way we both acted in the dream was different than it had been in real life, so it feels like some of what i've worked on is producing pos. results.  i was most surprised at my own ability in the dream to feel comfortable and confident w/ her, like it was very natural.  i liked it.

thank you all for your support and healing vibes - i have no doubt you're all a pos. part of my recovery, not just from this but from all the rest of it as well.  you all rock!

[Sceal]

let us know if the show seems to be good even after a few episodes?

I hope you had a nice time with your d coming back home, and that she's had a good time away.

[sanmagic7]

thank you sweet sceal - i'll let you know.  i'm not sure if it's going to get too gruesome or not. 

my d and i are having a wonderful time being together again.  she's so glad to be home!

i just finished my book, now for the final run-through, which will hopefully happen later this week.  then, my d is going to format it for me, and i can see about putting it on the market, or what exactly i'm going to do with it.  it's kind of an exciting adventure!

so, brain-fried at the moment.  but in a good way,.

[MoonBeam]

San, that is soooo exciting! Congrats.   

I'm glad your D is home safe and sound too and all is well. 

[Tee]

  so glad for you San those are some big steps. Can't wait to hear more about your book.  And the show I thought about watching it just not sure yet. 

[Sceal]

Congratulations on finishing your book! That's extraordinary! It's so hard to write books I find.